Unraveled
by Poetfades2black
Summary: Goren and Eames change the nature of their relationship and confront some of their trauma in the process.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE:

Goren and Eames had given up on finding love. They had resigned to live solitary lives. They weren't supposed to fall in love. The rules strictly forbade it and as professionals they kept relatively professional and friendly boundaries. They worked well together and had a mutual respect for one another that neither wanted to jeopardize. Yet, there was this whole unspoken vibe between them that started to push them in an entirely different direction. But that's the thing about love, when you finally give up on it, it surprises you. It surprised them. Then, through the worst times of their lives, they found their way to each other and held on for dear life.

The first time they had sex, he recalled, Eames had totally caught him off guard. He broke into a big grin as he though all the way back to the first time they had crossed their personal and professional boundaries. Sex was the furthest thought he could ever imagine becoming reality. Sure, he thought of it and even had dreams of them having sex but thinking and doing were far apart in his mind.

That day, they met some colleagues after a long day at work. Their case came with a lot of paperwork attached and, of course, he was behind on his previous paperwork so they were working most of the day tackling that. He remembered her chiding him, "Bobby, really look at all this paperwork. How did you get so behind?"

"It's simple. I just don't like doing paperwork. Research is fine but having to put every single detail into these reports," he shuddered and blew air out of his mouth, "it's mind-numbing."

"Well, I don't particularly get a thrill from paperwork either, but I manage to get mine done on time." She started moving things around his desk. "Seriously, Goren, how do you keep all these notes straight and don't get me started on making sense of what you wrote down. This sheet just has random numbers and letters. I feel like I need a cipher just to make heads or tails of this."

"Well you do sort of, not a cipher exactly, but I do write in a code of sorts."

"Goren, who do you actually think is going to read this?"

"Well it's not for others. It's for me. It makes it faster for me to write them."

"And you understand it?"

"Yeah."

"Of course you do." She rolled her eyes, "Okay, well, the Captain isn't letting us go until this is turned in and guess who has to supervise to make sure it gets done?

"Sorry, Eames."

"Oh you're gonna make it up to me. We are totally going out for drinks, and you're paying for mine." She glanced around "Mike, Carolyn, are you good for drinks after?" With a nod from them, she turned to Goren "Okay now that it's settled, let's get you finished with this. Let me know what notes you need and get to writing."

* * *

Inside bar

After they finished, Eames changed into a spare dress that she had in her locker. She needed to shed her work clothes to feel refreshed and sometimes it allowed her to take herself out of work mode and let her enjoy herself. The four of them filed into a booth of a nearby bar. They were talking about the funniest moments from their cases or talking about some dumb rules that got implemented. They were enjoying themselves and off the bat, Eames observed two things. One, this guy wouldn't stop staring at her, and he appeared to be on a date. She shook her head, figures. The other was Goren was sitting pretty close to her, and he was definitely eyeing her up. _Hmm, I must look really good today._ She caught him staring at her breasts a couple times and one time staring at her butt as she got out of the booth. She figured it was a typical guy behavior and thought nothing more of it, but he would tell stories and touch her arm, or he would laugh and catch her eye. She noted, He looks really good when he laughs and decided well if he was interested she would have some fun and play along.

Eames told a story that on its face was innocent and simply a recall from her vice days, but because she knew she had his attention, she played up the details of her ridiculous outfits and unbelievable John asks. She knew it would get some laughs and also get him to focus more on her. He would occasionally ask, "Do you even know how to do that?" Or what a term meant, and she would explain and sometimes comically demonstrating with table items. She leaned against him, their sides touching in their booth as they sit side by side, she shifted her legs to accidentally graze his and watched his expression change.

Logan and Barek had next in the distribution of cases so they called it a night, but Eames was having too much fun messing with Goren and stirring reactions from him so she caught his eye "I could stay and have a couple more drinks. Besides you're still on the hook for my drinks. I hope you didn't think I was going to let you off the hook that easily." They made their way out of the booth and said their goodbyes to Logan and Barek. She felt so strong and in control. The way Goren was staring at her with his intense eyes and confident smile made her feel like a woman. She leaned into her femininity.

"C'mon let's go to the bar," Eames stated while she got up and motioned him to follow. Goren fixed on her as she walked away. He trailed behind her. Goren relaxed in his seat taking up a bit of space around him legs and arms stretched claiming the area around them. After a bit of joking, laughing, and talking, a guy approached and wedged himself in the small space between Eames and Goren.

"Excuse me but you look great tonight. Can I get you another of what you are having?"

"Can't you see I'm in the middle of a conversation here? I'm not interested, buddy." The guy gave her a look of astonishment like he couldn't believe she was blowing him off.

"Whatever. I was just trying to do you a solid. I thought you may want someone who could show you a better time. Obviously, you're not worth mine." Goren began to get up to confront the guy but Eames pushed him back in his stool. He was furious. Eames had every intention of capitalizing on this moment. There was a buzzing energy so thick she could feel it vibrating between them. They were dancing around their attraction to each other.

"Let's not let that moron spoil the night" she said as she slowly ran her hand up his thigh and finished with a light squeeze.

He was thrown off by her gesture and almost knocked over his drink. He then immediately started trying to work through it in his head_ is she really flirting with me or is this for that guy's benefit?_ For the first time, it was difficult to get a read on her. Her touch sent him into overdrive, and he was definitely focused on staying calm and keeping a certain thing at bay. Goren began thinking and evaluating. _She had some drinks, but she wasn't drunk._ He'd gone out with her and fellow cops to know when she was getting tipsy or drunk and she may be bordering on tipsy but she wasn't near drunk.

"Um," he starts while licking his suddenly dry lips, "but Eames he can't just have the nerve to say and do that and walk away unscathed .

"Do I looked bothered?"

"No, actually, you don't."

"Let me tell you why I am not bothered." She exclaimed a little too happily, leaning in and gesticulating widely. "He was staring at me the whole time he was on a date and didn't come to approach me until after she left. He didn't care that I was talking to a guy who could have very well been my date for the evening. And the top reason I'm not shedding any tears for that slime ball, was the tan line where his wedding ring is supposed to be when he put his hands on mine. So now that we established further that only losers seem to be attracted to me, let's get back to where we were."

As she made that statement she thought, _Well I guess occasionally, an actual good guy comes to his senses every now and then._

"And exactly, where was that?" He questioned arching an eyebrow, feeling a little nervous and excited inside but masking it with assurance.

"Well, we were talking and enjoying each other's company."

"Uh huh," He was mesmerized at the slow way she spoke and seductive way she was interacting with him.

"You know after a long day of the backed up paperwork, which I still blame you for," Goren squinted and gestured as if taking responsibility, "you owe me a good conversation and more drinks to make up for it." She playfully ran her hand up his arm to focus catch his eye.

They both laughed and then Goren spoke, "Okay, I'm impressed, not shocked that you picked all that up in the short time we were talking."

"After dating a series of losers, let's just say that I've developed a radar, so to speak. Besides, you would have too if you weren't so distracted."

He got a little nervous. _Had she noticed me staring or focused on her tonight?_ He couldn't help but notice how playful Eames was all night. She is so happy and gorgeous. _I'd make a fool of myself, if it gets me that smile._ He always thought she was attractive. She was a great looking woman and had the gall to back it up; but usually, he was able to put up a wall because partners are off limits, and he wanted to demonstrate his respect for her. However, tonight, he was sure she was sending him signals that maybe she was attracted to him too.

She kept leaning forward, touching his arm. He was only grateful she hadn't done that move with her hands on his thigh when their colleagues were around because he's not sure how he would have reacted which brought him back to maybe she waited on purpose. That would mean that she was flirting with him, but why and how much further would he allow it to go before he said something?

"I'm not distracted." He wrung his hands and looked down briefly before looking back up.

_Got you. You are so busted._ "You are totally distracted, but the question is, is the reason you are distracted the reason I think you are?"

I was busted. She definitely knew I was checking her out. "And what reason would that be?"

"Not so fast, that's for me to know and me to find out," she said as she took a long sip of her drink. She was being confident but some liquid courage couldn't hurt. Now, he was trying to figure out if she was really into him or just acting interested enough to get him to admit he was into her. He couldn't help but play along. He wanted to get a read on her because that's what he does right, read people? He figured some harmless flirting between them wasn't the worst thing because it wasn't like either one of them was actually going to act on it. They couldn't.

"So you're not gonna tell me your little theory? Well then, how will you know if you're right?" He nibbled at his bottom lip and cocked his head to the side just a little. Well, if she wanted to play chicken, he had no trouble egging her on.

"So, you admit that you are distracted, and I'll just know."

"Not even a hint?" He laughed, and she leaned in again pointing her finger to his chest.

"Surely one of New York's smartest detectives doesn't need a hint to solve his cases, does he? I'm sure you will figure it out, eventually."

"Fine. I'll play but how do you want to do this? How many guesses are you going to give me?"

"Hmm..I'll make it easy on you since you sound like you need some help. I'll give you three guesses to guess my theory or make me believe the reason you are distracted."

"Three, okay." He shifted in his chair and stretched his hands out gesticulating. "You know that darn paperwork." He said with a laugh playfully sliding his tongue between his teeth then forcing a serious face before saying, "It was unbelievably frustrating and now I'm thinking that I may have made a mistake on one of the forms. It's been driving me a bit crazy."

She licked her lips._ Okay, Bobby if that's how you are gonna play it._ She fingered around the bottom of the glass of her drink which was now empty. "You worried about paperwork? No, that doesn't sound like you. If you made a mistake with the case and it bothered you, that would be more believable." She laughed and flicked her hair back. "Are you even trying?" He had a big smile on his face, then he gestured to the bartender for a refill on both of their drinks. She fingered the salt on the rim and slowly sucked it off her finger before taking a sip of her drink. He sucked in a breath as his eyes traced her actions. In his mind it played on repeat in slow motion. _She's got me right where she wants and she knows it. _

"Okay you got me. You remember that case we had with the sex club and the little black book of names. When you were telling your stories from back in vice, I was just wondering if many of these girls kept records. Could you imagine the blackmail opportunities and not to mention they may have lists of what you asked for or how long you lasted. Talk about embarrassing for some of these guys."

"Well if there was a record out there, serves them right and what has you thinking of the johns? Don't tell me, you Robert Goren visited a prostitute." She imitated mocked horror.

"Uh no" He smiled sheepishly. "My dad definitely did and it would serve him right if some record existed but I don't think there would be much of interest for a guy like him."

"Was that really what you were thinking about? The thing that has you so distracted tonight?"

"Maybe, I don't know. You tell me," he nodded his head towards her almost as if to say the ball's in your court.

"Well it seems plausible. However, you were distracted way before I started my stories."

"And you know that for a fact?"

"mmhmm," she just purred from her lips. He stared at her for a minute waiting to see if she would go into more detail about why she knew for a fact he was distracted much earlier but she didn't. _Okay, so you are really going to make me say it. When, in fact, I think you need to do some sharing of your own, Eames. You have been all over me and have been sending me signals all night. But, if you are gonna play coy. I may just have to bite this bullet of ours._

"Well maybe that is what I was thinking." he shifted and shook his head "Or maybe not." He tried once more to give her an opening. "What is your evidence that I was distracted earlier?"

"Not a chance and give away my little theory. No, you are going to have to guess right if you want to know what I'm thinking. I think your previous answer had just enough truth without the real reason."

"Is that so?" He swallowed hard, suddenly thirsty. Goren grabbed his drink downing it. He then appeared to be reaching over her to grab something."I still, uh, have one more guess," he stated putting up his fingers to show one.

He smiled slyly before making his move. He leaned in blocking most of the view from onlookers with his body. Then, he placed his hand on her thigh, turning the tables on her, whispering in her ear. "Does the reason I'm so distracted have anything to do with how fucking amazing you look tonight and maybe how I can't think about anything else but you." There, he said it and put it out there but he knew she knew anyway. She was a damn good detective and would have picked up on it immediately. He may have been obvious about his staring but he couldn't help that he could not look away. She was beautiful and sexy and even more so that she knew it and flaunted it, determined to keep her femininity along with being a cop in the boys club. She bit her lip.

He continued, "Is it wrong that I'm having dirty thoughts about you, right now?" He ran his hand higher up her thigh slowly and tortuously up her dress. "Stop me if I'm misinterpreting." He whispered in her ear. His hot breath brushed across her ear and Eames couldn't speak nor did she want to. His breath caught as the pads of his fingertips touched her skin ever so lightly. He was so close to her and his hand was in a place no partner should have his hand but she wasn't stopping him. It was turning him on. "You are making me crazy, tonight. You know that, right." She let out a light gasp at how high his fingers were going up her legs. She almost didn't want to speak knowing it would put an end to the teasing they were doing to each other and she didn't want him to stop but she knew they needed to before they became indecent in public, at the most popular cop bar near the precinct.

She willed her mouth to speak, "Bobby."

This was what she wanted. She was feeling sexy tonight and his staring didn't go unnoticed and made her feel even more sexy. She was going to do this but it was going to be on her terms. He removed his hand and reached for a napkin to the side of her with his other hand. He wiped his mouth and placed it inside his empty cup.

"Alex." He whispered as he stared into her eyes. He might have won this game of chicken they were playing.

He deflated a little when she shook her head. "Eames. Call me Eames."

Was it in his head? She definitely was flirting with him. He didn't imagine it. She got up and leaned to him as she vacated her stool. "See, I knew you would figure it out and sex was definitely on your mind." He grinned hard and got up from his seat as well. Eames kept her voice low, "If we are going to do this, I want to keep it casual just for tonight and I want you to call me Eames."

He smiled before the words caught his ear. "Are you gonna call me Goren?" He joked

"Whatever you want, sweetheart. Let's get out of here." He stumbled a bit. _Wait was she serious? Are we gonna do this?_ Thoughts began to race through his head and he froze for a second trying to think of what to say._ I should stop this right? We were going too far? I don't want to stop it. I very much want to do this. But what if someone finds out? What if it changes things between us? How is she not nervous?_ He was stressing a bit about what the right play was and he was almost itching for a cigarette to calm his nerves but then Eames spoke.

Eames glanced over to him,"Don't overthink it, Goren." Just like that, she willed his mind to focus. _How does she do that?_ Before he could get his words out, he found his body walking out the door after her. He had to address the obvious before they did anything and give a gentlemanly rationale; an out for her in case she changed her mind.

"Eames, this has been uh fun but you're not seriously thinking we should act on this."

"It's sex, Goren. Something, I'm pretty sure we are both capable of doing without letting it get in the way of work."

"H-how long have you been thinking about this?" his voice was betraying him as his nerves started coming back. _We are doing this. _

"Less talk more action."

"Action. What kind of action?"

"We'll if you don't know that, then maybe you shouldn't do this." She replied but rolled her eyes when she realized she was going to have to lead him in this or he was going to be thinking and analyzing the whole time and she wanted his mind and attention focused solely on her. "First, we are going to call a cab. Then, you are going to take me into your apartment and we are going to have sex, passionate sex, and afterwards we are not going to talk about consequences. When I leave, what we are about to do will not have happened, understand?"

"Okay and I'm more than capable." Goren puffed out his chest and widened his gait. _There you go, Goren. I've always liked when you are cocky and confident._ She smiled.

"Oh, I bet you are. Size 13 right?"


	2. Chapter 2

Eames called the cab and they waited. It was a cool night but not cold. Eames didn't mind it as her body was still flush and hot from Goren's teasing inside the bar. She tried to keep her thoughts clear from anticipating how it would play out when they finally were alone. Goren took initiative and placed her with her back to the brick wall. She felt the roughness of the brick against the thin material of her dress. He leaned in and slowly parted his mouth licking his lips and then covered her mouth with his. He caught her off guard and it took her a second to realize what was happening. His hands fell to her waist and slowly crept up her sides. His hands proceeded to wrap around her neck and up in her hair, tangling there. He gently prodded her mouth with his tongue and gliding his soft lips on hers. Eames focused on the goosebumps forming where his hands brushed then the soft warm feeling of his lips and tongue against hers. She melted into the kiss. _So this is what it feels like to kiss Bobby_. For a moment, the noisy bar full of cops and rowdy patrons ceased to exist.

She felt his erection pressed against her leg through the thin fabric of his pants. Eames let out a quiet small moan of pleasure. This brought her back to her surroundings and her instincts for discretion kicked in. She placed her arms out and gently pushed Goren back just a bit. "Um maybe we should wait until we get out of sight just to be a little careful but that was a really good kiss." He smirked. She touched her fingers to her lips thanking her willpower for control and focus. Goren ducked his head down and leaned his body into her direction in a shy but interested sort of way. "I can't wait to have you to myself." It took every bit of her willpower not to kiss him back and start it right there but they were in public and they had to be smart about it. She was happy when the cab finally pulled up.

When they entered the cab, Goren spit out the address to his apartment and then he shot a look to Eames who immediately positioned herself on his leg, hiking up her dress a little. She leaned in teasingly stopping her lips just in front of his. He smirked and breathed out. Their breath was hot and short as they anticipated how each other would feel. Their hearts pounded in their chests. Suddenly, they were both nervous. They awkwardly fumbled around to get in the position. She parted her lips and he closed the distance, his tongue slowly entering her mouth and sliding against her tongue. She slowly unbuttoned the top of his collar shirt to have ample access to his neck. She ran her tongue against his neck and began sucking and biting there. He let out a groan and pulled her towards him claiming her mouth again. His hands moved in slow motion caressing the curve of her body from her hips to her back willing his mind to take inventory of how she felt in case this was the only time they did this. "You are so sexy." he managed to get out in between kisses. He slid his mouth to her ear, nibbling on the cartilage, sliding his tongue out to lick where his teeth had grazed, and breathing huskily. He brushed his lips across her neck before they found her mouth, once again. Her hands ruffled his hair then sliding behind his neck to pull him closer to him as they kissed. Their noses and chins colliding in the frenzy to devour each other.

His hands cupped her breasts firmly. He leaned in allowing his mouth to have contact with the mounds. His hands slid up in between her thighs. She was already pretty worked up and his fingers were driving her to the edge. She did well to stifle her moans and cover her mouth with his. She reached between them to brush against his hard-on. He felt like he would explode if they didn't get to the apartment soon. They never touched each other like this and knowing that was escalating the intensity of how good it felt. When they pulled up to his complex, he quickly paid the driver and practically ran to unlock his door. She was quickly behind him wrapping her arms around his waist and cleverly working his belt.

**Goren's Apartment**

As he unlocked the door, she made a move to walk past him but he instead grabbed her waist and pinned her up against the door as he locked it. His eyes were dark with lust and she took in the intensity of his stare until she was taken out of her trance by Goren's movements. He lifted her and she wrapped her legs and arms around him. They resumed kissing while he unzipped her dress. "I wanted to do this all night. Talk to me, tell me how much you are attracted to me" Goren says his insecurity peeking a bit still unconvinced how much she wants him.

"You are so fucking hot, are you kidding me? You know how hard it was" she grabbed him giving him a firm stroke through his pants, "to not let you take me right against the bar and with all those people watching." That seemed to spur him on and he was back to working on his and her clothes. He pushed her up against the wall as he entered her at a fast rate. His hands were holding onto her firmly to keep her from slipping away. Then, he picked her up and draped her onto his couch to continue. He covered her with his body. The air around them was thick as their quickened breaths heated up the vicinity of their bodies.

She gave him a protesting look as she pushed him up then rose to push him onto the couch on his back. Goren couldn't help but grin as he found it unbelievably sexy to watch her take control. He stared up at her with a hungry look of desire on his face. She mounted him and he groaned at the sensation of her sliding onto his erection. Goren watched her face change with pleasure. He would never forget it and briefly wondered how he would look at her without seeing this expression on her face. His hands held her sides but allowed her to control the rhythm as she rotated her hips on top of him. Her head fell back in bliss and her hair flipped back in an elegant dance as her neck was exposed to him. He kissed up her neck letting his breath warm it as he made his way up. She finished riding him to her orgasm.

After they finished, Eames cleaned herself up, gathered her clothes, and quickly dressed. She knew she had to leave quickly, which is why she chose his apartment. This way, she could control the situation and leave after leaving no doubt in Goren's mind what this was: an incredibly hot one night stand between colleagues. He zipped up and pulled a shirt over his head. He watched her scurry about wishing she would just settle down and stay just a bit longer.

"This was fun. I'll see you at work, Bobby."

"Uh yeah it was hot, Eames." He stared at her with a silly grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Yeah, well don't get used to it."  
"We should, uh, do it again some time." He shot her pleading eyes and bit at his lip. She shook her head and smiled.

"One time, Goren and this is bordering on talking about it." With that, she turned and walked out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to Untapdtreasure & **sunshyne2014 f**or Beta**

**Notes**: A very small reference to Yesterday. Blink and you'll miss it.

This is a small chapter and maybe a little filler but the next one will be longer and fuller. Promise. :)

* * *

Previously:

This was fun. I'll see you at work, Bobby."

"Uh yeah it was hot, Eames." He stared at her with a silly grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Yeah, well don't get used to it."

"We should, uh, do it again some time." He shot her pleading eyes and bit at his lip. She shook her head and smiled.

"One time, Goren and this is bordering on talking about it." With that, she turned and walked out the door.

Of course that didn't last long.

Work, post coital, was work. They managed to slip seamlessly into their work personas and focus on getting things done without any real problems. Eames smiled smugly to herself at how well they got passed that awkward stage that comes with having sex with a work colleague. The only setback which she didn't classify as a setback was when she caught him smiling a knowing smile or staring at her breasts. He had this cocksure confidence about him and would use it to push the boundaries.

"Seriously Goren, stop staring." He was hooked. Knowing what Eames looked like naked or the faces she made in pleasure, just kept him mesmerized during the day when he allowed his mind to wander. He would replay it over and over and Eames knew exactly what he was thinking and that made it hotter for him. Their secret that no one was privy to.

"What?"

She waved her fingers in front of his face to take him out of his daze."Stop" she mouthed. He just smiled in her direction. He just mouthed back "Why?" or "No." Goren was light and playful around with her. Other times he would approach her when he knew she was in the zone doing paperwork and sneak behind her and whisper things like, "What are you doing later?" "Morning gorgeous" or run his hand discreetly against her arm or leg. He would tease her incessantly and adamant that they hook up again. Eventually, Eames gave in. She hadn't intended for their one night stand to turn into a repeat affair, but his confidence soared after that encounter and with it and his seduction. She enjoyed him. That coupled with the fact that they actually continued to work well together in spite of them hooking up was a good incentive for her. It wasn't messy and they both were great at compartmentalizing and keeping emotions out of it.

They had fooled around a couple times more but kept it casual. Usually when they would have sex, it would always always start flirtatious and light in their interactions. Goren always seeing how far he could push her before she would swat his hand away or how long before he got her worked up without the people around them knowing anything. They had fun together. She loved when he was in a good mood and drinking. He was charming and had a confidence about him that was absent when he was brooding and self critical. He would make her laugh and try to sneakily order her more drinks. "You trying to get me drunk, Bobby?"

"So what if I am."

She would run her hands down his arm before saying, "We have work tomorrow."

"So," he would respond. Eames would look at him with a playful are you serious glance. Goren smiled and said, "What? It's not like you're an early bird. So you arrive a little later than usual. I'd cover for you so you'd have nothing to worry about. We're having fun, and I would very much like to keep having fun, wouldn't you?" He shot her a playful mischievous look and then a boyish smile.

"If you're trying to get me drunk to have your way with me, you're going to have to try harder than that. I'm not that easy to get," she teased him.

"Oh you know me, I always love a challenge." He proffered with a smirk and a wink. Then, he would lean real close to her and begin whispering things in her ear. "By the way, you look absolutely stunning in that dress. It's taking every bit of self control not to think about getting you out of it and running my hands all over your body. It's not working though because you're breath-taking and I'm-I'm breathless."

"Goren, your charm will get you nowhere with me."

"I'm nothing if not a man of action and I'm not lying." Then with the most sincerest eyes, he added "You do look incredible." She would always feign like his words, breath and fingers pushing her hair out her face had no effect on her, but internally she was so turned on by him. Confidence looked good on him. She couldn't help it when he was in those good moods even if she did fight him on it at first. She had to save face, and she wasn't about to admit that he had any bit of control over her. That was part of their game. All the teasing made the sex much more incredible. Once the flirting started, the game was set. Who was going to make who give in first?

She would play with the hem of her dress; giving him just enough view of her legs and tease him by getting him so focused on the little details. Sometimes, he made it too easy since his mind always worked against him. He couldn't help but want to take her in, and the little details never escaped him. The smile on her face and the way his eyes seemed to travel up at tortuously slow pace as she lifted the fabric. The way her legs looked so smooth and tan. She would toss little one liners here and there. "I don't know, Goren, if that's a challenge you could easily handle." Or "Hmm I heard that there's this thing people do…" lowering her voice and allowing it to trail just enough that he'd want to close the distance. That was something she picked up from a suspect that proved very useful in times like these. She would laugh flirtatiously, bringing her face close to his without touching him. The use of his last name which in turn was bringing up a taboo of forbidden-ness that they both shouldn't be doing this, and it excited him more, and she knew this.

By the time they made it to one of their homes, they were struggling to make it behind closed doors before they began passionately attacking each other. Clothes be damned sometimes working around keeping most of their clothes on if they couldn't wait. They definitely had chemistry. That was undeniable. But when it came to making it more than just a hookup, well they had too much going on for them to make a relationship work. They also had the job. So they kept it casual and didn't speak of it afterwards. It worked for them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes**: References to Endgame, Amends, and Blindspot

THANKS for Beta: Untapdtreasure & Sunshyne2014

This chapter and the next will be Angsty and Emotional.

* * *

This time was different. There was no light airy fun around. This night there was more than desire. There was need. Both of them had been through the ringer lately. They were emotionally drained and hurting. There was also a vulnerability present that was never there before. Both of them almost never let others or even each other see them vulnerable. They needed to stay in control and maintain a sense of strength and togetherness. Sure there had been glimpses of vulnerability through their partnership but they wouldn't address it, dwell, or discuss it. They would simply ignore it or give each other a chance to put themselves together. This time, they were broken and not sure how to put everything back in place.

Eames had been through an ordeal since the kidnapping. It took some time for her to get back to her old self. She was experiencing PTSD and she was afraid to be alone. He had stayed over to make sure she felt safe. He kept it friendly and slept on the couch. He shifted responsibility onto himself and felt guilty so if he couldn't stop it from happening, he was damn sure going to help her get her feeling of safety back even if it meant calming her after her nightmares every night, walking her home, and staying with her. Sometimes even having her stay at his apartment when the triggers got to be too much. When they weren't together, they were on the phone talking all night until she was able to sleep. She was grateful even when she put on her tough girl act. He saw through it but played along. She needed to be in control and she needed to appear strong because inside she felt so weak so that was at least what he could give her. He knew she was strong, her escape from Jo proved it. However, she didn't feel it so he was going to do whatever he could to pump up her confidence in herself.

When Goren lost his mother, he was at a complete loss. She was his entire world outside of work and his entire responsibility. Without her, he didn't know what to do with himself. He couldn't function or work. He started pulling away from Eames and was spiraling downward fast. He returned to his apartment and took off work which he normally wouldn't do but he couldn't think, at least not about the cases. There were plenty of thoughts in his head. None of them any good and plenty telling him how useless he was. He felt like a failure. With all his intellect, he still hadn't managed to save his mother. What good was his intellect if it couldn't save the one bit of family he wanted to hold onto and he desperately wanted to hold onto her with all his strength. She didn't always provide him with these chances but towards the end of her life, she had a spirit about her. He took advantage of any time he could hug her and express love towards her and he'd hope she felt it for him. This was of course when Frank would come by to see her because when he didn't, her mood would shift instantly punishing Bobby and keeping him at arm's length. Now, all he had was a handful of pictures and his books.

After wallowing and grieving for about three weeks, Goren had a routine of going straight home after work and arriving late the next morning with jeans and loose button up shirts. He had started gaining weight and neglecting his health. He also saw no need for his nice suits. He settled on showing the world how he felt inside by matching his moods with sloppy attire, no beard grooming, and a nasty attitude. She knew grieving was a process and it had no timeline but she decided she gave him enough space to deal with it on his own. She was finally in the space to push her own stuff aside and be there for her partner. She was gonna help him through this if she had to drag him kicking and screaming. She immediately laughed softly at the imagery that thought provided. "Yeah, that would be something." She thought.

**Goren's Apartment **

She arrived at his door sick of the way he was treating himself and desperately missing him. They had seemed to be going through the motions lately especially after closing her husband's case and both of them were miserable. She hated how much he was hurting and punishing himself. When he didn't answer, she used her key. "Look at you." He sat disheveled in his chair nursing a glass of Glenlivet. One hand wrapped around the glass and the other laid stretched over his knee. The lights were off. He had empties tossed over his kitchen counters. He had, apparently, made a routine of drinking after work. She wondered if he was getting any sleep at night or was he drinking to pass out. He didn't acknowledge her. He felt numb. His eyes, glassed over, were staring ahead but off to a distance. He had a lit cigarette in the ashtray. She put it out. She cleared his empties and the ashtray of his previous smoked cigarettes like she had done many times for her own dad. Although, Bobby rarely got to this point where she felt the need to intervene. Yes, he liked to drink and smoked but not exclusively. He would often have a plethora of hobbies to occupy his time. When she returned, she tried to get his attention. "Hey Bobby why don't we get you cleaned up and rested." She got him to his feet and took his glass from him. She ushered him to the shower. While he was showering, she picked out some clothes for him to sleep in. He didn't fight her. It seemed all fight in him was gone. That worried her more than anything.

When he changed, she watched as he got into bed. She lightly brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead with a tenderness Bobby hadn't felt in a while and ached for. She turned to leave tossing a "see you tomorrow" behind her when Bobby grabbed her wrist.

"Please stay...don't-don't go." The image of Bobby pleading with her broke her heart.

"Okay. I'll just go sleep on the couch. I won't go, I promise."

"No, please stay with me." He stared intently into her eyes while motioning to the bed."

"Bobby, do you think that is a good idea? We've both had a lot on our plate recently and emotions can complicate things."

"Just stay with me. Nothing is going to happen. I just don't want to be alone."

"Oh, I've heard that one before." She quipped.

She shook her head and decided against all her impulses to leave and got in the bed with him. He pulled her close with her back towards him and wrapped his arms around her, spooning her. She immediately knew it was a bad idea. This was too intimate and they just didn't do that. She didn't expect Bobby to start talking. "You know, I failed her."

"Bobby, you did not fail her. You are one of the most devoted sons. There's no way you could fail her."

"You know my mother would disagree with that. I didn't see her often, or I didn't leave work when she was having an episode. Or I was the reason Frank didn't show up because I was jealous of him. She always had some excuse for why I didn't measure up and the one thing, ONE THING, I am supposed to be good at: being smart and resourceful I couldn't figure out how to save her."

"Bobby, you are one of the smartest guys I know but that isn't the only thing that defines you. You are also caring, generous, protective, devoted and so empathetic. I'm sorry your mother had to go like that but that isn't on you and don't get me started on Frank. You also know those things she says are not true, right. She was sick and hurting. We say mean things when we're hurting." Bobby shifted his weight and his arms feeling immediately guilty at that statement.

"I'm sorry I haven't been great to be around lately. If I said anything that hurt you...well I'm I'm sorry."

"Someone once told me that after a loss, people screw up." Eames reminded him and caught his eyes and turned her body towards him and placed her hands on his face "Listen to me. You have nothing to be sorry for. You're grieving. Bobby, you're allowed to grieve. Do I miss you without the grouchiness? Yes, but I don't take it personally. Bobby you've seen me at my worst. I'm sure I wasn't a bunch of roses to be around either but you didn't leave my side."

"You know, logically, I understand that some of what she said was out of pain but understanding and believing are two separate things. I could tell myself that she didn't mean it but inside I feel, I don't know, like maybe there was something I could have done to make her love me like she did Frank. I've always felt like my father never wanted me and now I understand why, not that that absolves him in any way. But my mother, she would shift between affection and rejection and sometimes even her affection was self serving to get me to do something she wanted." His eyes were glassy. "Now, they're gone and what now? I just don't um don't know how to rectify that."

"Oh bobby." She had threatening tears in her eyes as she caught his eyes in hers.


	5. Chapter 5

References: Blindspot, Endgame, a small reference to War at home, and a big flashback to Amends

Thanks to Untapdtreasure for Beta. This chapter has been updated with changes.

Continuing where we left off.

* * *

Eames thought it was only right to repay his honesty with some of her own. She forced out the words from her mouth as bile nipped at her throat. She forced the bile back down as she began to speak. "When I was kidnapped," she spoke quietly, feeling a lump begin to form in her throat, "I was so scared Bobby. I felt powerless. I thought I was gonna die. I thought of all the things I hadn't done yet. I thought of Nathan and not being able to watch him grow up. I kept imagining your face when you found out. I couldn't let that happen. I had to fight, and I felt like I had you with me telling me not to scream and to stay calm. When I was in the hospital, all I looked for was you. Bobby, my parents and siblings were there, but I needed you to know I was okay. I needed my partner by my side, so I could be okay. You did that for me, and it hurts me so much to see you hurting and beating yourself up." The tears trickled down her cheek and he wiped them away with his hand.

"You are so strong, Alex. You saved yourself and you lived. Not many could have survived that situation." He held her close and placed a kiss in her hair.

"I had never been as scared as I was then. Not even when I got the news that Joe had been killed in the line of duty. Devastated, yes, but it came with the territory. You know we expect things like that to happen even though we hope for the best. Being a cop, you know all the risks and hear all the war stories. I did not expect that I would ever be kidnapped and tortured." She wasn't sure if mentioning her late husband would threaten what was building in this moment but she wanted him to understand.

Goren nodded and listened and then after a moment of silence that fell between them, he spoke. "What you went through was terrifying there's no shame in that. I couldn't tell you if I would have had the same feelings during or after. At that point, it becomes about survival and all your primal instincts take over. You just happened to have some amazing cop survival instincts too."

"My dad, as soon as I decided to be a cop, he was determined to pass down any bit of knowledge he could. Of course, he prepared us as kids, but he added to it once I followed his footsteps. He said that if I was so hellbent on being a cop, I damn well better be the toughest and most resourceful cop out there. Joe kind of took up the mantle when we married. It started to get ridiculous when gifts became more about survival. He gave me a taser for our anniversary. Sometimes you want to be more than the job. After a while, I felt he didn't see me anymore. At least, not how he did when we first started dating. Uh, sorry. I'm rambling, and you don't want to hear about my late husband." She rubbed her hands down her face before lifting her head to look at him.

"No, it's okay. He was a big part of your life. I get it." He did understand. He didn't expect Joe to evaporate from her mind the moment that he died. However, part of him wondered how much claim he still had on her. Could she ever feel for me what she once felt for Joe? Am I even worth the effort? I can't offer her much these days. Maybe, I'm being selfish to want her.

"After Joe died, there wasn't a place for me anymore. There hasn't been in a long time. Well until you."

Goren looked up as if he was reading all the thoughts that she had left unsaid. He watched her face for any hint he could latch onto. He wanted to kiss her. Did she really say that? He couldn't stop replaying the words in his head on repeat; _until you._ His heart swelled as his heartbeat quickened. He swore she could hear it as it's beats boomed louder than he thought was healthy. Instead, he stood frozen. He didn't want to interrupt the moment if she needed to keep talking. He also had more he needed to tell her.

All the thoughts about Joe took her right back to when they had reopened his case.

[Flashback:] "Someone new is going to waste time getting up to speed. My partner doesn't adapt well to change." Yes, she used Goren as an excuse. It proved useful since everyone knew his reputation. It may have been slightly underhanded, but she needed to be on this case. She told herself that it was to help Teresa get closure, but truth be told, the case had stirred up feelings for her that she had thought were put to bed. Just like that, it was like her husband was killed yesterday, and she was going through it all over again. She figured, at the time, that if she could finish this case then maybe she could get some closure. She remembered how angry she was at Bobby and his meddling when he opened Joe's murder case.

While interviewing Delgado on suspicion of murder, Eames eyed him angrily.

"I didn't kill your husband," he mentioned plainly.

"Two witnesses put you there. You're saying they lied? Must make you angry," Eames bitterly pushed.

"Yes, it does."

"Angry enough to get them killed?" Eames fired at him. "We're going through your visitors log and cellmate records." She was barely keeping it together. Bile formed at the base of her throat. She made an effort to keep it down and appear strong.

"The night Joe Dutton was killed?" Goren inquired

"I was at work."

"Dealing." Her rage was building. "Too bad if you had a real job, you'd have a real alibi." She needed to get out of there. She couldn't stomach any more lies coming out of his mouth. Without thinking, her feet lead the way out. Goren realized this was getting to her and followed her out.

"So you think he's innocent because he didn't say sorry?" Her anger was building, and she found a safe target to unload. How dare he side with the her husband's killer. "Bobby, Delgado killed my husband. He was angry because his appeal was denied so he put a hit out on the two people who put him away."

Goren rubbed the back of his head knowing he wasn't making headway with his theory and knowing she wasn't going to listen to reason. It wasn't adding up and maybe he needed a puzzle to prevent his own grief from overtaking him like how he took the death row case upon knowing his mother was going to die. He didn't deal with strong emotions well and his world was torn apart because of his mother's death. But she needed to understand. "Project innocence is not gonna take on a cop killer unless there are red flags."

_Bobby, would you just stop. I can't have you going against me right now. I need you on my side. I'm barely holding on, and you're not helping._ She expelled a frustrated breath. "I'm sure he lied about that, too." She spit the words out with bitterness as they erupted on the tip of her tongue. She was fuming_. This was gonna be a long ride back to the station._

When they got back to the 1pp, she needed a breather from Goren but couldn't let go of the rage that Delgado lit in her. She grabbed some tea and dialed project innocence to find a way to confirm her theory of events and poke holes in what Delgado had said. _Maybe then, Bobby would listen to reason when presented with the facts._

"I spoke to project innocence. They're not interested in his case. They said Delgado's mother's been…"

Goren rubbed his head and thought _damn_ at the timing. He thought, he would have time to run through the facts of her husbands murder for inconsistencies before she got back. He was wrong because there she was storming in to share her findings. _Why couldn't you have taken a bit longer? I can't stand to see the pain in your eyes, but I can't let this go. I need to work right now. Without it, I would lose a part of myself, and it scares me to think of what I'd become then._

Eames thought it couldn't get any worse with how Goren was approaching this case but after she returned from a breather and some tea to calm her nerves, but what she saw stopped her in her tracks. Goren had arranged all of the evidence to a corkboard in a vacant interview room.

"You're going through Joe's case file?" The words came out wobbly, as she felt tears welling up again as the words were barely escaping her throat.

"Eames."

"What do you think you'll find there, Bobby?" She was hurt. How dare he betray me this way? Bobby is the one person that she trusts completely outside of her family. This felt like a personal invasion. He was taking everything she packed away deep in her heart and displaying it for the world to see. She felt exposed. This was her life. This had happened to her. This wasn't some kind of puzzle for him to work out.

"There was a lit cigarette at your husband's crime scene. A menthol."

"I know that." She shouted, bitterness in her voice. Dammit Bobby if you had something to ask, ask me. You didn't have to go around me like that. She felt deeply betrayed by his actions and the pain wouldn't let go of her. "Minaya testified it belonged to Delgado."

"Delgado said he didn't smoke."

"Well CSU couldn't get enough DNA off it to prove that Delgado was lying."

Bobby became frustrated with her. _She is getting in the way of his investigation. She's too close to this. She's thinking emotionally not rationally. She shouldn't be on this case, he thought. She is too invested. If she wasn't, she'd get it. She'd understand._ She would be right there with him.

"That was 9 years ago. You know that today they only need a trace of DNA."

"Kevin Quinn said he was running from the scene gun in hand"

"Witnesses make mistakes, and if it's Delgado's DNA, it will confirm his guilt."

"But you don't think it will." Damn it, she felt the tears coming up to the surface. _Why doesn't he believe me?_ "Is that it?" she replied tears in her voice. "This isn't another one of your puzzles. Bobby, this is my life you are messing with. Why are you doing this?" She breathed in and shifted her body around. He softly nodded He was becoming emotional watching her. He didn't want to make her cry, but he felt that he needed to do this and even more so that his instincts were, in fact, right.

"Uh... you know we have to do this." Tears penetrated his voice and his eyes became glassy and blurred with threatening tears. "We got to do it. If it's not Delgado's DNA, it means he wasn't there and someone else killed Joe and GOT AWAY with it."_ That was it, right? _He needed to bring the man to justice_,_ not that he was desperately trying to avoid his own feelings.

In the evidence Room, Eames' eyes had been burning to release the tears she was too stubborn to let fall in front of him. She was grateful that he had to chase down a lead because she was alone and could finally let go. She opened her husband's evidentiary box and exhaled slowly. She began crying, weeping immediately as she was finally able to release the tears she had held on to for too long. She smelled her husband's shirt. God, she wished he was here to hold her. She missed him so much, and there was so much hurt. It barely had his smell, but that was the closest she was gonna get to him.

After she cried, she settled herself and retrieved the cigarette for testing. They had solved Quinn's murder so they went to finish looking into Joe's murder. They kept their investigation under wraps so the Captain wouldn't take her off it. There was no way she was not seeing this through. When the cigarette didn't match Delgado or Minaya. They figured it must of been someone else in the crew, someone worth protecting. They tracked the lead to a cousin who spent the summer in New York then immediately shipped off to Puerto Rico. Then they got a name, Manny Beltran. The doctor that tried to save Quinn's life. She saw him earlier that day. She had been in the same space as her husband's killer. It crawled under her skin. He killed my husband and had a life. He made something of himself, and her husband laid dead unable to have his life. She couldn't comprehend that at all. He may have been a kid, but he taken Joe from her, and now he was a man. It was finally going to catch up with him.

"Well, this may be your time Dr. Beltran," Goren stated plainly.

"It was an accident, a terrible accident. So many years ago, I still have nightmares."

"You killed a police officer."

"You never came forward."

"I save people. I save hundreds of lives."

"It doesn't make up for the one you took away. Manny Beltran, you are under arrest for he murder of Joseph Dutton."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't come forward." Manny had been desperately grasping at apologies as he tried to make them understand that he wasn't his mistake. He wasn't bad. He just once did a bad thing. Eames last words to him "He [Joe] was a good cop." With that, they led him to the officers that waited to take him in to police custody.

She went home and drank bourbon directly from the bottle. Bourbon, her drink of choice when she thought of Joe. She was drunk by the end of the night, and she so desperately wanted to call Bobby. To what? Yell at him? To beg him to come over so she could have sex with him? _God, I am a fucking mess!_ She remembered holding the phone feeling so alone. She almost dialed twice. There were so many raw emotions on the surface for her even though her husband died 9 years ago. [End of flashback]

Grieving never does have a time frame, does it? It comes in waves, sudden and unexpectedly. A smell, the same people, a memory, and then instantly you are transported back to when you loved that person so completely, and you are instantly forced mourn the loss all over again as if it just happened moments ago. She knew all about that, and she knew how powerful Bobby's grief was and how complicated his emotions were. Her heart reached out to him, and she instantly felt bad for how they interacted at the time.

Bobby's words brought her back to the present. "All I thought about was holding you and knowing you were safe." She reveled in the feeling of closeness and the warmth of his body pressed against her. His hand absentmindedly ran gentle circles on her back as she faced him.

"Bobby" she interrupted, grabbing one of his hands in hers. "I know I wasn't there for you as much as I should have been. I mean, in the beginning, yes, but after you lost your mother, it was so close to Quinn's murder, and it brought up so much about my husband." She referred to him as her current husband as if he were still alive and she were still married. She felt him pulling back a bit as if he were unsure how to proceed. _Don't pull away._ She knew he would fixate on it, because he analyzed everything but_ it wasn't like we got divorced. He would still be my husband, if he hadn't got murdered._ It was a weird gray area that she didn't know how to tackle. On one hand, she felt guilty for betraying Joe, and on the other, she wasn't his wife anymore. He was gone. She scrunched up her forehead at the thought of her confusing loyalties._ Was I wrong to think of Bobby when if Joe was still here, I would still be married to him? I did have sex with Bobby._ She didn't want to open that can of worms on the ramifications of sleeping with her partner, let alone the fact that she didn't feel guilty doing so. That thought panged at her stomach. _Why didn't I feel guilty, and why do I now? Am I screwing this up by bringing up Joe so much? Why is he suddenly all that comes up in my head. Am I betraying him?_

She spoke in an attempt to quiet her loud mind. "I wanted comfort that neither him nor you could give me, but I also needed someone to hate, and you became an easy target, and for that, I'm sorry."

"I made it easy for you or you to be mad at me. I pried my way into a difficult point of your life without thought to how that would affect you. I needed to get away from my grief for a bit, and I unintentionally hurt you. It was selfish. You had every right to react the way you did. Alex, I put myself before you."

"We both did that." She reached up to lightly touch his face. He placed his hand on hers as she felt him briefly lean into her touch. Then, he resumed holding her.

His eyes were glassy with emotion. He needed to say this because if he didn't say it now, he'd probably never admit it. "Not knowing where you were or what was being done to you when you were kidnapped, it terrified me. When I saw you and saw that you were okay, I didn't want to leave your side because inside you weren't and that was my fault." I brought these people in your life, and I was so blinded by my history with them that couldn't see what was in front of me. I could have lost you. I can't even think about losing you. I need you in my life. He tightened his hold on her like he had before and closed his eyes briefly taking in the feel of her body and inhaled the light fragrant smell of her. He hadn't lost her. She was here with him. He opened his eyes and looked down afraid to meet her eyes, scared at the intensity of emotion he felt at that moment.

She chewed on her lip. "Bobby it wasn't your fault, and I don't blame you. You know that, right?" Bobby didn't answer. Instead, he leaned his head on top of hers then shifted his head touching his forehead to hers. He then lifted his head and placed a small kiss on her shoulder and another on her neck. He ran his hands down her hair softly, barely letting the strands run through his fingers. She closed her eyes as his soft touch felt soothing and erotic at the same time. He pushed her hair out of her face and placed another soft kiss on her lips. He ran his thumb lightly on her lips before he went in for another kiss.

She opened her eyes to meet his. "Bobby, what are we doing?" He felt her reservation. They were crossing another line, and he felt the significance but also felt the timing made sense for them. He also knew in some ways this would be more difficult for her than the first boundary they crossed. It was difficult for him, too, but he knew if he ever wanted this to be something more, he would have to make the first move.

"Shhh, let me." He turned his head towards her as she met his lips tentatively and gently. Then as her lips touched his, he kissed her hungrily, grabbing fistfuls of Alex's hair. He felt something inside him stir that hadn't been there in a long time: passion and need. He needed her, and she couldn't get close enough. He knew she needed him just as much. They both lost themselves with each other surrendering to the kiss which quickened in intensity. It had been a while for both of them. They had desperately needed the contact. Everything about this moment felt new and intense, despite having had each other before.

They both started to settle and slow down. The tension was overwhelming. Their bodies tingled with each touch and anticipation. It was like they were having each other for the first time. The emotion weighed heavy on them but in a good way. He laid kisses on her body with such a tender reverence as she moaned and felt her arms pulling him closer to her so she could kiss his mouth. She began working her hands underneath his shirt as she helped him get it over his head. He felt a little self conscious at his weight gain and looked downward embarrassed at the state of his body that had drastically changed since the last time they had sex. That feeling disappeared as she slowly dragged her fingers down his chest and placed kisses of her own on his chest. He closed his eyes, biting his lip at the sensation and let out a rushed breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. They continued undressing one another.

Goren worked his mouth from the bottom of her legs, leaving a trail of kisses until he reached her thighs. His facial hair growth rubbing coarsely along her legs allowing her anticipation and arousal to grow. He then started to lick at her thighs, teasing and nibbling softly until he got to where her thighs met and used his fingers and tongue to work inside her. She arched her back, running her hands down and grazing his hair as he maneuvered his head into the right angle. She moaned in pleasure, and he mirrored her moans with his own. When he felt her lubricate enough, he felt an eagerness to feel himself inside her. He entered her slowly, thrusting inside her with a steady rhythm. He made love to her with all his energy. They caught each other's mouths, kissing each other with slow and lingering tongues. Hands became wild, gently caressing every inch of skin burning every image and sensation in their minds. Their hands caressed each other's hands and arms, pulling them above their heads until they interlaced their fingers.

When they were finished, they cleaned up and settled back into bed together. "That was different," Goren replied and turned to scoop her up in his arms so that she was facing him. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"That was wonderful," she replied. A smile graced her lips, and she almost didn't believe what she was seeing when he returned a smile too.

"Yes, it was." They kissed each other once more.

Everything had changed for them that night. They normally wouldn't address having sex afterwards, but this wasn't a casual hookup. There were emotions involved now. When they looked at each other, they really saw each other exposed and vulnerable. They couldn't just let this pass without talking about what had happened between them and the proverbial road ahead.

"So much for not doing anything," She snarked, running her hands through her hair and a small, I can't believe what just happened, smile adorned her face.

"Do you regret it?"

"No, I don't," she answered immediately and happily. "But Bobby, you know this changes everything."

"It doesn't need to. We've slept together before and were able to work together just fine."

"This wasn't just sex, Bobby. This was more than that. It was Intimate. You can't look at me and tell me that things are going to be like they were before."

"I want it to." He couldn't let them overthink it because after he had her in such an emotional way, he couldn't lose her. He couldn't stand the thought of losing one more important woman in his life.

"Wanting it isn't always enough." She sighed. "It was easy to detach before but now things are different."

"Do you uh want it to?"

"I do but-"

"No buts. You want it to, and I want it to so let's make it happen," he said, struggling to keep the smile from his face.

"Bobby, I do want it but with our track records."

"Let's not think about that right now."

"What am I gonna do with you?"

"Love me." He smiled a smile reserved for her. He tested the waters with that statement because he needed to hear those words that he suspected she felt for him.

"I do," she grabbed his face and planted a kiss. "God help me, I do love you, Bobby."

"I love you too, Alex." He held her close like at any moment she could disappear. "And I want more than just sex. I want an us." He picked up her hand and kissed her palm and placed his hand in hers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Note**: There's a small scene from Amends. Not Beta'd so mistakes are mine.

* * *

The next morning proved challenging for both of them. On one hand, they couldn't get enough of each other but on the other hand, they were barely making it through their morning routine to get ready for work. If they ever made it to work, they were going to need to balance work and love and one slip in either direction could be a dangerous thing.

"Come back here, I'm not done." Bobby grabbed her and placed his hands on her hips then her butt as he bent down and kissed her, tongues teasing. Eames pressed her lips against his, kissing him passionately, running her hands through his curls before pulling away to speak.

"Bobby, we are going to be late for work," She managed to get out.

He grabbed and lifted her on the counter catching her mouth kissing her again, his lips moving to her neck. He crept his hands underneath her shirt. . "Mmm Bobby. People will notice if you're late."

"So they always managed to find something about me to gossip about. Who cares?"

"So maybe," she brought his head up to her eye level to emphasize her words "let's not give them another reason"

She kissed him one more time and removed his hands from under her shirt, "We can do this right?"

"Without a doubt." He fired off immediately. His hands grabbed hers and he placed his lips on them reassuringly before letting them drop. "You sure you don't want to uh give it a go" Goren shot off while pointing to the bedroom "before we go in? May help with your anxiety." He gave her a wink.

"I'm not anxious"

"Now who's lying?" He let out confidently.

"Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous but there's a lot riding on this."

"Mmm," Goren bit his lip with a smirk, "I like when you are riding me."

"Really, Goren." She shook her head. "Wow, talk about one track mind." She laughs "okay beat it, Goren."

"Looks like I will have to"

"Oh the male struggle, you know you guys should organize and march." She then hopped off the counter. "You know, if you are a good boy today and things run smoothly," She ran her hands on his chest, "maybe I may show you some tricks I haven't used on you yet."

"Seriously, how am I supposed to focus on work now when that's on the table?" He gave her puppy eyes "you promise?" he softly spoke.

"You have my word, partner. Good behavior."

"I'll be the most behaved detective in major case."

"If I knew it was this easy to get you in line, I would have done this years ago." She snickered, "Well, don't get too carried away. If you are too good that will set off alarms too."

"Okay, average good, mediocre, got it. Pick me up a coffee before you head in, would ya." He stole a kiss and a bagel from the other side of the counter and walked out the door." She just shook her head at him with a smile pasted on her face.

As the door closed, she began to think _I can't believe this happened. Me. Bobby. A relationship? Love. Okay, maybe I believe love._ Eames had been in love with and had a deep caring for him for quite a while, even when she was afraid to admit it to herself. A relationship was harder to believe because neither one one was particularly good with them and both were self sabotaging which was primarily why Eames was so careful to avoid emotions, or so she thought. Casual sex had been easy because there wasn't any pressure to do it right. Eames was suddenly so scared that maybe they would make a mess of this and end up hating each other. _God help us if we ruin this. I can't stand the thought of hating Bobby Goren. He is my partner and best friend and that could potentially ruin everything._ Still she couldn't help the feeling of elation when she thought of him and the fact that he felt the same. _Last night was so amazing. _It was some of the most intimate sex she ever had. _The way he smiled and looked at me afterwards._ She hadn't remembered the last time she saw him so happy. She was too, happy that is. She was going to have to tone down her constant smiling if she was going to get through today without arousing suspicion.

**One Police Plaza**

Goren exited the elevator and made his way to his desk. He checked his phone for messages and settled in. He didn't have much time to get lost in his thoughts before Captain Ross called him into the office.

"How are you doing?" Ross immediately asks. "I'm fine."  
"You've been off lately. I know it must be difficult with you losing your mother. I want to make sure you are doing okay. Are you getting any sleep?"  
"Some." Goren was annoyed. He didn't like people checking in on him, even if Ross was well intentioned and that was a shaky if.

"Well, make sure you get more tonight. I need you sharp and on your game."  
Goren nodded in an okay whatever manner. "You look a little better, today. That's good."

"I'm doing what I can. Are we done here?"

"Good. Yes. Is your partner in yet?"

Goren glanced outside the door as he went to leave. "Yeah, she just got in."

"Okay, I have a case for you." Goren walked out his office towards their adjoining desks.

When he saw her, he couldn't help the butterfly frenzy in his stomach. He had a strong urge to grab her and kiss her, and make love to her again but unfortunately they could do neither. "Good morning." Bobby let out a big grin in her direction.

"Good morning, Bobby." She smiled at him, keeping her voice light. "What did he want?"

"Checking in on me."

"Didn't know he cared?" He smiled at her remark.

"More like checking in on 1pp's investment. And we have a case." She passed him his coffee. He let his hand linger a bit while he grabbed his coffee. "Thanks."

She took a sip of her own coffee and cleared her messages. "Don't look so happy, Bobby."

"I could say the same to you." He jabbed her playfully.

She smiled, "Seriously, you're supposed to be sad and you have a shit eating grin on your face. It doesn't match optics." He changed his face to a mock serious one.

"This better?" She took an old message and balled up the piece of paper and playfully chucked it at him.

"Let's go see about that case."

By lunch, they had made some real headway on their case finishing the initial interviews and tracking down some good leads. While they were driving, Goren picked up her non-driving hand, placed it to his lips before letting it fall back to where it was. "So, have I been good today?"

"The day's still young."

"Is that a yes?"

"It's a maybe. Let's see where the day takes us." They ran into a red light and Bobby used the excuse to lean in and plant a passionate kiss on her lips resisting the urge to let his hands wander and jumpstart something they couldn't finish. "Mmm Bobby."

Then they heard beeping behind them and Eames turned to focus on the road.

"I wanted to do that all morning. You know it's been challenging. Now that we are alone, I just want to blow off the rest of the day and spend it with you."

"I know what you mean but well we still have a job to do so we need to focus here. What do you think of the widow?"

"Do I think she has motive? It's plausible but her emotional reaction seemed genuine enough. I wouldn't put her in the suspect column. Does this scare you?"

"What the widow?"

"Eames, you know damn well what I'm talking about." She stared ahead into traffic.

"I don't know. A little." She avoided eye contact.

"The only other person I felt this way for was Joe…" He felt like she punched his gut when she mentioned his name. _She would never be over him._ _He would always have some claim of her heart. _How could he compete with a memory.

"... and to be honest even those feelings weren't as intense as these. It was young and ideal and this is messy and real." He nodded, _She loved him but why and did that love really compare with the love of her late husband? _

_[Flashback:] _"You'll get through this. I did." she remembers telling Teresa after she lost Quinn. Eames picked off imaginary dust off her hands, tears welled in her eyes, her face flushed pink with the tears threatening to fall. Memories of her dead husband and sympathy for once a dear friend suffering flooded her mind. She was over Joe right? Yet, she shed more tears and wanted him the moment she had to relive the was gone. Goren had been there to relieve her from it and he had checked in with her. He knew even then, how difficult it was and how much she loved Joe.

"So how did it go in there?"

"Not good."

"I wasn't very popular either." He swallowed a lump in his throat. Was he, even then, thinking about her in that way? Maybe he wanted to hold her. Maybe he wanted to kiss her pain away. There was always so much left unsaid in their relationship, partnership. _[End of Flashback]_

Even if she may not have known what his thoughts were or his desires and intentions, she always knew when he shifted from confident to insecure.

"Mmhmm so I think we should take another run at the assistant. I think she knows more than she told us."

"Bobby, you know I want this, right. Just because it's scary, doesn't mean I'm running away from it."

He caught her eye and nodded. "I would understand if you were uh having second thoughts"

"Bobby?"

"It's just I know I'm not the easiest person to be with." She looked at him.

"Well, I'm not...having second thoughts. I love you despite those aforementioned perks."

"I love you, too."

"How are you doing today? We talked about some real emotional things yesterday and I know that it's still somewhere in that beautiful mind of yours."

"mmhmm. You know, I can't really shut it off."

"And?"

"I'm holding up. The case has been a good distraction and I finally feel ready to throw myself back into work. It also helps that I have you."

"You do have me." She gave him a smile and squeezed his hand before letting it drop.

**One Police Plaza.**

"Goren. Eames. My office."

"Goren, I have a call complaining about police harassment specifically naming you. What do you have to say."

"We were taking another run at the secretary."

"Goren felt she wasn't being upcoming with her information." Eames piped up.

"So how does a few follow-up questions turn into police harassment?"

"She wasn't cooperative. She stone walled us and Goren had to get creative to get her to talk."

"Creative how? And I want to hear from you, Goren."

"I, uh, wouldn't leave the desk area and I may have told to the patrons that they'd be better doing this business elsewhere since there was suspicion of murder associated with the company. I was trying to smoke her out and make her want to clear her name or at least give us some helpful info."

"And let me guess that little stunt didn't work as you had planned."

"No sir. She doubled down and contacted her boss who proceeded to get security to escort us out the facility. The boss is dirty and the secretary knows something."

"Ok for now keep your distance from both of them but keep gathering information. See if there is anyone who has left the company who may have any insights we can follow up on." They go to leave the office. "Eames, stay behind."

"Captain?"

"What's your take on Goren?"

"My take. My take is that Goren is doing fine. He is throwing himself in his work and he followed his instincts but this one didn't unfold as easily as we'd hope."

"His judgment isn't off?"

"No. His judgment is just fine. Captain, is that all? We have a lot of ground to cover now that the secretary has clammed up."

"That's all. Keep an eye out on him. The moment you think anything is off at all, I want you to tell me and keep me in the loop on the progress of this case."

"Word of advice, if you want to know how Goren's doing, you may want to ask him."

"I did. I wanted to see if he was being honest with me. He seems a little better but his behavior has been all over the place lately." He nodded towards her that she could go. She walked over to the desk to join Bobby and grabbed some papers.

"C'mon let's get out of here and check out some of these leads. We can call from the car." Goren nodded to her and grabbed his coat following her to the elevator. When they got to the parking lot, Goren touched her arm. "Hey. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." Her posture changed as she leaned against the vehicle keys in hand. She slumped then shook her head. "Actually, no. I'm tired of being both of your go between. I just really wish he would just be direct with you instead of always checking everything with me. It makes everything unnecessarily time consuming not to mention I have to play referee when you guys disagree."

"Sorry. What he'd want anyway?"

Eames sighed loudly. "He wanted to know if you are really okay. If you are acting odder than usual. I don't know Bobby the usual."

"Are you frustrated with me?"

"I just don't like having to constantly relay things to both you and the captain. It's exhausting. Sometimes, I feel like both of your mothers trying to keep you both from going at each other's throats and you both can't seem to communicate the most simplest things with each other." He frowned at her statement. "Sorry, I didn't think." She sucked her lip in and sighed and furled her eyebrows creasing her forehead. He just waved in her direction like he knew she was just frustrated and didn't mean it.

"It's not entirely me, Alex. He's the one being irrational. He's had it out for me since the beginning. He never gave me a fair shake. I didn't put you in this position. He did."

"You may not have put me in this position but here I am." Bobby stared blankly at Eames opening his mouth to speak but no words came out. He was not sure what to say and knowing well enough that anything he could say could just get him into more trouble.

"Look, let's just go through this list and see if anyone is free to talk tonight."

"It just seems like your taking your frustration out on me."

"Bobby. Can we just get through these calls and call it a night? I'm just tired." He gave a gesture of acquiesce. Eames started the car and Goren started making calls.

"Uh huh. Okay. Would you be willing to answer some questions? Just some follow up on your departure and maybe you can help us with some insight on the company. That will work. Okay. Bye." He clicked end call and Eames looked at him.

"Well?"

"We'll meet up with him tomorrow afternoon. Let's call it a night."

**Eames' House**

Eames shed her jacket and shoes and sank into her couch. Her negative mood seemed to be wavering and Goren decided to remind her what he felt for her. Goren walked over to where Eames was and placed a kiss on her forehead. "How about I give you a foot rub and then run you a bath to relax."

"Well, you aren't Derek Jeter but I think that would be amazing."

"Well, I'll give it my best." He flashed a smile. "Lie back." He sat on the opposite of the couch and lifted her legs to his lap grabbing her right foot and began kneading it with his hand.

"Oh that feels wonderful, Bobby."

"Well, I'm no Derek Jeter" he scoffed. She rolled her eyes.

"I prefer Bobby Goren any day and every time." He switched feet. "I'm sorry about earlier. I know the case was frustrating today and it didn't help that you had to be dragged into it with Ross about me. I just don't know what to do about him. He doesn't trust me the way Deakins did. Deakins knew when to back off and let me do what I needed to do. Ross is just micromanaging me every step of the way." She sighed and tensed. "I'm not saying this to frustrate you. It's just I don't know how to work with him when everything I do is under a microscope. It's like he's waiting for me to screw up to prove something."

"Bobby, why don't you just talk to him explain what helps you work and what doesn't and what you could do so he can give you latitude." She closed her eyes to take in the sensation of her foot massage. She let go of her tension and her body relaxed. "It all starts with open communication. If he can't do it, be the bigger man but Bobby…"

"Mmhmm"

"Calmly not reactive." He smiled at how well she knew him.

"How about I start on that bath and I promise no more Ross talk tonight."

"Good."

"Just lay back and relax and I'll let you know when it's ready."

He came back and tapped Eames on the shoulder. "It's all ready for you." Eames walked to the bathroom, tore off her clothes, and slipped into the warm water. He had put some essential oil in the water which helped her relax and made the bath smell amazing.

The bathroom door opened and Goren came in with a glass of wine. "Hey, beautiful."

"Bobby, you are a godsend."

"I figured you could use a glass after tonight."

"Thank you and sorry for biting your head off earlier."

"How's the bath?"

"Just what I needed." Goren reaches over and placed a kiss on her lips.

"This. If we can end the day with each other, like this. Mmm the rest of the day doesn't even matter."

"I love you."

"So was I good today?"

"You get a pass."

"Mmhmm."

"Raincheck?"

"No problem."

"I just want to lie in your arms tonight."

"That sounds perfect."

They laid in each others arms. Bobby placed kisses on her forehead and ran his hands repetitively through her hair. She snuggled up to his chest and laid her head there listening to his heart. In that moment Bobby was content. They drifted to sleep in that position.


	7. Chapter 7

Some filler...smut and such. Mature

Not beta'd

* * *

In the morning Bobby woke to his alarm. Eames was still in his arms. He woke feeling fresh and well-rested. His stirring woke Eames. "Hey you," Eames ruffled Goren's hair.

"Hey, gorgeous." He said wide grinned

"Please. Hardly." She made an effort to soothe the wild in her hair.

"Definitely Gorgeous. Most beautiful woman I laid eyes on."

"It's too early for your sweet talk, Bobby. How are you on so early in the morning?"

"Only speaking the truth." He tightened his hold on her enjoying the feel of her in his arms. She scooted closer to his body enjoying the feeling of being enveloped. She felt content.

"Mmhmm. I'm not usually a morning person"

"Oh, I know."

"Hey!" She playful smacked his chest.

"What? I'm agreeing with you." He laughed.

_He's so happy. _She loved seeing him so happy since she knew happiness was a rarity in his life, few and far between. She playfully maneuvered her body on top of him putting her hands in his and wrestling for control while he freed one hand and held both of her hands in his other and tickled her.

"Bobby!" She laughed.

"You started it." He turned her on her back on the bed hovering over her and stopping just short of her mouth and briefly stared into her eyes. He leaned against her, kissing her mouth. She returned his kiss playfully teasing him and then she kissed him with urgency. They spent a while making out. _I could get used to this, _Goren thought as his hands roamed over Eames' body and made their way under her shirt. Their breathing quickened. Eames pulled off Goren's shirt. She ran her hands down the skin of his back taking pleasure in the way his skin felt under her hands. He took her shirt off and worked her bra. He froze and admired her and smirked.

"What are you smirking about?"

"You."

"What you gonna do about it?" He ran his tongue over her breast. He began sucking on the skin he found there and picked up his head.

"Mmm what do you want me to do?" He pecked her lips.

"Make love to me, Bobby.

"I can do that." He happily complied. He let out a husky growl while he stripped the rest of her clothes leaving a trail of kisses, bites, and sucking enthusiastically at her skin.

After they made love, Bobby went to start the coffee before jumping into the shower. Eames joined him. She ran her hands down his back and then around his waist.

"Well hello." Goren happily stated as he turned his head a quarter of the way to see her.

"Figured, we'd save on water. You know, environment and all that." He turned and kissed her against the tile.

"We do have to get ready for work. We woke up early for you but morning sex kinda put me behind, not that I'm complaining at all."

"So, I probably shouldn't start anything we don't have time to finish."

"Wise words. Alex, you are insatiable." He nibbled on her shoulder teasingly and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Well when the package is you, how can I not be." They kissed again and took turns lathering each other with soap and rinsing off. They toweled off and started to get dressed. Goren served them both coffee. His black and hers with cream and lots of sugar. She smiled at him. He could live on her smile alone, he thought .

—

**Diner **

Goren ordered a pastrami sandwich and fries. Eames ordered a burger and fries. They began eating as they waited for their witness to show. They hoped he could help them gain ground on their case.

"So, you think the Captain suspects?" Eames questioned as she placed a fry in her mouth.

"Us? I don't know but he isn't stupid and he is picking up on a change in me."

She looks at him and smiles, muttering "shit." under her breath.

"It doesn't mean anything Eames. He noticed how well-rested I looked and how I'm not sulking about nearly as much as before.. It could just signal to him that I'm getting better."

"Maybe." She picked at the fries on her plate then took a bite of her burger."

"He told me to keep doing what I'm doing."

"Mmhmm'" she managed to say as she swallowed her food.

" I don't know. Alex, are you up for it? I mean this morning, you certainly were." He laughs

"You are not going to shame me over my sexual appetite, Bobby. Lord! If the Captain only knew what he was suggesting." She snickered. He started in on his sandwich and washed it down with a sip of Diet Coke.

"It took everything to keep a straight face. I swore I was going to lose it." They both laughed and that's when they spotted their witness. Eames went to the other side of the booth with Goren while their witness headed their way to join them. Goren ran his hand in Eames hair. "You um had something in your hair but I uh took it out." _God she's beautiful. I just want to touch her like a regular couple but we aren't a regular couple and we have to be careful._ She reached for his hand under the table. They held hands briefly on her lap and let go when they began their questioning.

Goren sneakily ran his hand behind her back underneath her shirt. It sent a shiver down her spine. Both just stared ahead at the witness in front of them.

"We're hoping you could help us out here." Goren started.

"Anything you can give us that you think would be helpful…" Eames added.

"Well I don't know what you are looking for but if you are taking a look at Mr. Sterling, you're on the right track there."

"Because…?" Eames questioned "He's involved in something illegal?"

"You can say that."

"See, we're more interested in what you have to say." Eames fired off getting a little frustrated with the witness.

Luckily, the witness became more forthcoming and gave them enough evidence to convince Carver. Carver surmised that they could get a search warrant to find more evidence so work was finally taking a turn in the right direction. They would just have to wait for Carver to come through with their warrant and they were good to go hunting. Almost immediately before the waitress returned to ask about his order, the witness had vacated the booth and made his way through the door. The waitress refilled their drinks. "Would you like anything else. Dessert?" The waitress looked at Eames who politely shook her head and smiled.

"No, thank you. Service has been lovely but we have to head back to the office." Goren replied.

"I'm glad you were able to finish your lunch this time." Goren smiled. "I'll bring you the check."

"I think she's sweet on you." Eames commented when the waitress left.

"She's just friendly."

"Mmhmm."

They returned to 1PP and informed the Captain on their witness.

"What we think about the witness?" Ross asked.

"He's credible and some of the info he gave us checked out." Goren answered first.

"We spoke to Carver and presented him with what our witness gave us and he said he thinks it's enough for a search warrant to get what we need to put Mr. Sterling away for good. He told us he'll know first thing tomorrow."

"Okay, call it a day. Tomorrow, we'll have a direction to go on and possibly execute the search warrant. Good work with the witness."

They exited his office and walked towards their desks, packed up their files, and grabbed their coats.

"My place or yours?" Goren asked when he was out of earshot.

"Hmmm I left some tequila at your place." Eames replied

"Okay, my place then."

—

**Goren's Apartment **

Eames served them both a shot of tequila and they both lounged on his couch. Eames had her legs over Goren's lap. Goren ran his hands on her legs.

"I don't really drink tequila."

"Tough shit. You're drinking it, tonight." Eames teased

"You're bossy and mean. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Maybe, I just like bossing you around. Drink up, Bobby." Eames took her shot back with relative ease and Goren made a wincing face as he drank his.

"I'm definitely not a tequila person." Eames laughed at him.

"It's not that bad. Is it?" Eames curled up on his lap. "Here, let me make it better." She leaned in and kissed him sneaking her tongue into his mouth.

"I think I like it better this way." He murmured as he pulled her even closer and kissed her and running his tongue on hers.

"Mmhmm."

"How about you drink it and I just get it secondhand?"

"No, you're drinking with me tonight" Eames replied as she got up to pour some more shots.

"I'm sure the Captain will love it when I show up hungover tomorrow."

"You know, it would throw him off our scent if you are hungover and grumpy. Oh come on just a couple more and we'll call it a night."

"Why Eames? Are trying to take advantage of me?"

"Maybe or maybe I don't want to drink alone. Today was a good day and we should celebrate the good days."

"Agreed. Next time, I pick the alcohol." He took the shot back, winced, and she immediately closed the distance with her mouth.

"Punishment and reward, I like. Alex, baby you are intoxicating," Goren mumbled. He sucked in her tongue and then released it as his tongue massaged hers.  
"Are you sure it's not the tequila?"  
"No, it's definitely you." They took another shot. He brought her mouth to his again and started to move his hands down her body. "I love you." _I definitely want to taste more of you, Alex. _He bit his lip as just the thought was enough to get him aroused.

He caught her eyes and his hands went to the sides of her face. He smiled genuinely. She returned his smile. With their eyes, they affirmed their love for each other. Goren couldn't help how content he felt in that moment. _I still can't believe how you've brought me out of the darkest place I've been. I'm so happy with you. _She averted her eyes then came back up with a playful smile.

"I'll race you to bed. Winner gets the extra comfy pillow," Eames rattled off.  
"Like, I could deny you." He laughed as she tried to block his way with a couch cushion.

"Well, I'm not taking chances." He caught up with her and scooped her up lifting her in the air then catching her sides and tickling them as he put her down and sidestepped her.

"Hey!" He began to playfully block her way to the bedroom.  
"No hey. Get past me, baby." She ran up and tackled him. Both of them ended up on the floor laughing hysterically. "What are we playing football, now?"

"No rules." She got on top of him and kissed him and he closed his eyes enjoying the kiss. He then realized she was no longer on top of him. "Sucker." She finished running to the bedroom and claimed her prize.

"You play dirty, Eames." She laughed.

"Well being short has taught me to make use any advantage I can." She beamed "Don't get mad, that you fell for it."

"I think-I _think_ I deserve a consolation prize for your dirty tactics."

Goren feigned hurt. She hit him with her pillow that he playfully tried to steal back. He let go and she fell back into bed and he put his hands on either side of her. He kissed her. He slipped his hands in her pants and cupped her butt. She arched her body up and he immediately felt himself react to her. He pulled her clothes off of her until she laid naked before him. He ran his tongue and lips on her body starting with her neck, breast, collarbone, and slowly working his way down her stomach. He was turning her on, he could tell by her writhing against him and as he got lower he could tell by the juices that awaited him. He eagerly lapped them up working his tongue and fingers inside of her making her moan from pleasure. "Mmm you taste good, babe." She opened her eyes to see him staring up at her mischievously enjoying her while she watched him. He took his time and savored her like the most decadent dessert.

"God Bobby!"

"Nuh uh.." Bobby shook his head, "God doesn't get credit for this one." He stopped for a second and waited for her reaction. She became impatient arching her body up and grabbing at his head gently pushing him back down. Bobby chuckled and teased her with a dart of his tongue and then stopping not giving her exactly what she wanted.

"Bobby!" She groaned in frustration.

"Mmhmm."

"Bobby! Don't stop."

"Yes, baby. Is this what you want?" He started up again until her hand grasped his hair pulling him up.

"I want you"

"You'll get me, love, soon after you come." He was enjoying this too much. He resumed,"C'mon baby. You are so close." Her body tensed. She writhed riding the waves of her incoming orgasm. He quickened his pace and she felt her body tense and contract as her climax was building. She experienced her orgasm and moaned loudly before her body fell limp against the mattress. He kissed her and she tasted herself on his tongue. _He is so good at this. _She chided herself for waiting so long as sex with Goren was the best sex she ever had. It was fun, teasing, imaginative at times, and so very intimate at other times. "Now, you can have me."

He entered her and thrusted inside as she was still hazy from her orgasm. She moaned at his entry and then matched his rhythm as they both glistened with sweat sliding smoothly against each other. Her hands clawed at his back. He nipped at her shoulder then up her neck as he began to suck and run his tongue up and down its surface. She pulled him deeper into her. She teased his mouth and kissed him deeply and passionately. He bucked his hips and thrusted faster. She arched her hips up as she matched him. Goren and Eames began moaning and grunting at the pleasure. They both reached orgasm separately and Bobby maneuvered himself to the side of her trying to catch his breath. She ran her hand soothingly on his stomach and up his chest.

"Mmm" he responded enjoying the sensation.

Eames was the first to get up and head to the bathroom to freshen up for bed. Goren followed shortly after. He grabbed his toothbrush and brushed his teeth and gargled mouthwash.

After they cleaned up and changed into sleep clothes, Eames positioned herself into his waiting arms curling up against him and fell swiftly to sleep. "Love you, Bobby," she murmured as she drifted off. He ran his hands down her hair lovingly and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you too, Alex, more than you know. You are the best thing that has happened to me," he replied to a sleeping Eames. Goren stayed up taking in how happy he felt. Happiness wasn't something he felt often and he had been let down so much in his life. He felt a little uneasy. He thought that he was too happy and that usually meant he was due for some disappointment. He tensed at the thought that something could come and mess it all up. But for now, he was going to guard his happiness and enjoy his time with Eames. He deserved that much, right? He did deserve to be happy? That was a question he wrestled with his entire life almost as much as was he worthy of love? Usually, these questions led him to a dark place where he wanted to drink to quiet his thoughts but right now he thought, _I must be worthy if Alex loves me. If she found something in me that's good, I should believe there is something about me to love. I just hope she doesn't change her mind when the honeymoon stage is over. If she stays in my life, I would do anything to make her smile. _Goren finally shut off his thoughts and slipped into sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Note: We have some rocky ground coming. I put a case in there but my heart is more with Goren and Eames' relationship so the case isn't to be taken too seriously and only used to bring out emotion, and how everything is effecting Goren.

References to Blindspot. Not Beta'd

* * *

When he woke, the bed was empty and he looked down at the pillow that had replaced Eames sleeping form. He picked it up and placed it under his nose. The wafting scent of Alex filled his nostrils. Suddenly, he remembered, she wasn't in bed. He felt a panic stir inside him. He felt his heart beat stronger. His chest became heavy and he felt a weight as if someone was sitting on it. He had to take a moment to get his breathing under control. "Alex?" He shouted off from the bedroom. His voice was strained. He coughed and tried to get the morning out of his voice. His head ached slightly. _Tequila. Nothing some water and aspirin won't fix. _When there was no reply, he pulled the covers off and shifted his feet to the side of the bed planting them onto the floor. _Not Again. I can't lose her._

He got up from the bed and crept through the door out into the living room. He sighed in relief when he saw her. Alex was sitting on the sofa curled up with a coffee.

"Finally, you're up." She exclaimed.

"Yeah uh" he wiped his eyes awake. "What are you doing up? I've never seen you awake before me."

"We get the search warrant today. I had all of this anticipating energy. I think I'm just eager to wrap this case up." He walked to her position on the sofa and kissed her cheek.

"Good morning."

"Morning, Bobby."

"I made coffee."

"I see. Thanks love. I missed you in bed."

"Yeah. I was restless. I thought about going for a run but settled for coffee instead. I heard you call for me. Did you have a bad dream?"

"I got worried when I didn't see you. It brought up some memories."

"Of when I was kidnapped."

"Yeah."

"C'mere." They sat on the couch cuddled together. Eames ran her hands up and down his back in a soothing manner. "I still have moments when I panic, not as much as right after it happened but occasionally, I'll hear something or smell something that takes me back. I have to remind myself that I'm safe and focus on my surroundings. I'm safe, Bobby. I'm right here." Goren leaned his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her. He inhaled and and closed his eyes.

Goren got up and poured himself a cup of coffee and grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket.

"I'll be out on the fire escape."

"Okay." Eames knew better than to inquire more right now. She knew Goren just needed some time to himself.

He opened the sliding door and hopped onto the fire escape and grabbed a cigarette from his pack. He slid the cigarette between his fingers and put it to his mouth as he puffed to light it. He took a couple puffs then sipped his coffee. He alternated puffs and sips until his coffee was done. The morning air was cool. Goren was barefoot and the ground beneath him was also cool to the touch. Goren welcomed the sensation. His body's core temperature was warm and his hair was sweaty and matted at the back of his neck. Wisps of hair curling upward from the added moisture. He heard the sliding door open and Eames climbed onto the fire escape. "Hey you."

"Sorry, I came outside to keep the smoke from you."

"Uh huh. You know my dad smokes right."

"Yeah, I forgot. The smoking usually bothered my other girlfriends so when I'm not alone." Eames interrupted his babbling.

"I'm not your other girlfriends, Bobby."

"I know. You are an amazing woman. How did I manage to get so lucky to have you with me?" Goren deflected.

"You were annoyingly adamant, relentless, sweet and so very sexy."

"Is that so?" He pulled her closer into a hug. He had such few hugs in his life but he cherished every one. She leaned her head onto his shoulder.

"Mmhmm. You okay?"

"I'm fine, Alex."

"Okay. If you want to get something off your chest, I'm here Bobby."

"I don't need to get anything off my chest. It was a moment but the moment's gone." His body tensed up and he wanted to push her away but instead he pushed the feeling down. He took in a slow breath and Eames backed off sensing his discomfort.

"Okay, I won't bring it up anymore. I just wanted you to know, I'm here for you."

"Thanks." He took his last puff of his cigarette and smooshed it into the ashtray. He leaned in and gave Eames a quick kiss. He turned to walk away but was halted by Eames. She pulled him back for a much longer kiss.

"I wasn't done yet." She replied with a grin slowly making its way on her face. She intertwined her fingers with his and stepped up on her toes and kissed him again. "I mean it, Bobby. I have your back, always." He flashed her a quick assuring grin.

* * *

**Sterling and Associates **

Eames and Goren showed up to the suspect's office with Carver in tow and a warrant in hand.

"I thought, I told you not to come back. This is harassment. I'm going to have a talk with your chief."

"No, actually this is a search warrant, giving us the right to be here." Goren slammed the document into Mr. Sterling's chest "You're done." It was clear that Goren was in a mood. Eames saw it in his eyes with his eyebrows crinkled into a cranky expression and his body posture was stiffer and off putting. The tone of his voice had an edge to it. She was glad Carver didn't try to confront him in any way. Those two were repelling magnets despite the fact that they actually shared some things in common. Both were passionate, direct, and had strong personalities that liked to be right and would make sure you knew it when they were. Carver just trailed behind with a supporting presence enforcing the search. _Thank God for small favors_, Eames thought. She really didn't need him to set Goren off any more.

They pushed their way through the offices. Goren snatched some items up from the desk making a mess of it putting the items in the wrong places or knocking them over to the floor. Eames just shook her head. She hated when he was in a mood but she knew he needed to work his way through it a little before she could calm him down enough to open up about it. She just silently watched him as she poked around Mr. Sterling's documents in the file cabinets.

"Goren" she let out catching his eye and motioning him over. He walked over and bent down next to her. She passed him the file letting her hand brush his under the file. She removed it and let him breathe to calm himself a little. His face became plain."I think you may find something interesting in this one." She gave him a small smile and once she realized everyone else was otherwise engaged, she leaned in and whispered "Is it out of your system now?"

"What?" He whispered in response.

"Whatever it is that's bothering you." His face changed to a frustrated scowl.

"I'm fine." He let his hands swing out to his sides. He blew out air from his mouth and rolled his eyes back as he crossed his arms in a huff.

"Clearly." She snarked. "Bobby, I'm not gonna push you but this has to go right." She wanted to remind him that they needed to get through this search, this day without incident. He can blow up later and she would let him if he needed it but right now he was on the job.

She handed off the paperwork to some unis that were helping them collect all of the evidence. Goren found a couple personal items he wasn't sure of their significance yet but decided to bag them and have them logged in. Mr. Sterling ran to his side to protest his taking of those items but Goren just pushed his hand out pushing him away from him.

"Stop it," Goren clearly communicated with the man. He wasn't in the mood for his confrontation right now. Eames bagged some data drives, eyeing Goren from her peripheral vision. Goren found some loose photos in one of the drawers of Mr. Sterling's desk and asked Mr. Sterling for identification of the people in the photos. Mr. Sterling was in no mood to cooperate with him so Goren upturned his head and shrugged his shoulders. "No matter. We'll find out on our own." Goren informed as he tossed the images into a plastic evidence bag. Goren thumbed through a couple of the books and inside one of them a letter or note had fallen loose from it. Goren unfolded it and briefly skimmed it before tossing in a bag. They logged his laptop, took his suit jackets, and pulled samples of the flooring. "Make sure you photograph his office and the surrounding areas." Goren instructed as he knelt down looking for small traces of anything leading back to the victim.

Eames talked with the secretary who begrudgingly helped her access files on the main desktop computer and then vacated the area for her to search. Eames opened the drawers and looked through her personal belongings. One of the drawers was locked. "I'm going to need the key to this" Eames stated then instructed the secretary "unlock this" in a stern voice that led no room for questions. "Bingo. What do we have here?" She dug into the drawer room find a stack of papers. Underneath, she found a handkerchief covering the what looked like a small statue "Goren." He glanced up and walked in her direction. "Possible murder weapon." She stated frankly. He examined it briefly before the unis collected it for evidence.

"Some residue here maybe something from the victim. Blood smear. He pointed out with his left pinkie. Eames nodded. "There's some threads here. Tweezers?" He carefully removed it and placed it in an evidence bag.

"Looks like you did a rush job at cleaning this up. Don't attempt to take a job as a master criminal any time soon. You are really bad at it."

They placed the two under arrest and read them their Miranda rights. Unis put them in holding and processed them while Goren and Eames explored the evidence and came up with a working theory that would lead them to a confession.

"Maybe our victim found out what he was doing and got killed over it to what hide that fact that company was illegal front for dirty money."

She looked at him with a maybe in her eyes. Then, shook her head.

"He had to know that the murder would get traced back to him and his illegal front would be exposed. Why risk it?"

"Hey Einstein, anything you'd like to share with the class?" Eames jokes.

"I'm not seeing it, yet."

"But the wheels are turning?" He chuckled.

"You were right there has to be a larger reason but I can't find it, yet."

* * *

**Interrogation / One Police Plaza**

"You messed up. You really thought it was a good idea to hide the weapon at your place of business. Tsk tsk tsk. Rookie mistake. We have enough between the files and statements to put your business under and lock you up for fraud but tell me, why graduate to murder?" The suspect stared blankly. "What did she do? Did she find out what you were doing? Did she threatened to expose it?"

Still no answer. "We have evidence on the murder weapon linking to the victim some DNA, blood, and some threading that matches what she was wearing. We found the murder weapon in your building. It's over, you know that right? Your secretary is also going away for conspiracy and accessory."

"She wasn't involved." He finally spoke

"She hid the murder weapon and covered for you. Like hell, she wasn't involved." Eames responded.

"If I give a statement, can I get a deal to keep her out of it?"

"There's no incentive for us to deal. We have all the evidence to convict you." Eames responded

"I can clear up motive and give closure to the family."

"Do you really want to go through the hassle of taking this to trial?" His lawyer agreed.

"That's up to the ADA. We did our jobs."

They brought Carver in the interrogation.

"I hear you want to deal. Why would I want to do that?"

"I'll plead guilty. I'll take full responsibility. I just want Mrs. Lewis to remain out of the conviction. Can we do that?"

"You would have to give a full confession."

He nodded.

"And agree to maximum sentence."

"C'mon counselor that is egregious, my client is cooperating," his lawyer piped up.

He nodded. "Its okay, I agree."

"Okay so tell us what happened."

"Laura was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She came back for something she left behind. She heard us talking about the company and what we were doing with the billing."

"The fraud."

"Yes and she saw Mrs Lewis and I engaged in a compromising position. She wanted to leverage it for a payout. She threatened to expose everything, the fraud and the affair. Mrs. Lewis has children. My wife would divorce me and the company would fall apart. My life would be ruined. She wouldn't listen to reason. I panicked. I grabbed the statue on my desk and lunged repeatedly at her. Mrs. Lewis only hid the statue out of fear. She didn't have anything to do with the murder. She didn't want it to happen and was a mess afterwards. She should get to go back to her family. If we can keep the affair quiet and allow her to take back her life before she met me, she deserves that much. I made a mess of things and deserve everything that comes to me."

Eames looked at Mr. Sterling with disbelief that it boiled down to fear of his affair getting exposed. _Men never learn. Poor Laura. _Goren and Eames exited the interrogation room leaving Carver to work out the formalities.

"Good work, detectives." Captain Ross exclaimed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Eames' House**

Eames unlocked the door and dropped the keys on the nearby table. She took off her badge, gun and holster and put it in her safe. She took off her jacket and changed her clothes into yoga pants and comfortable t-shirt. She made some tea and curled up on the couch. She heard the door latch unlock and saw Goren walking through the frame. He closed the door behind him and made his way to Eames on the couch. He was in a pair of loose fitting jeans and a button up. He sank next to her on the couch. She put her hand on his leg. "You gotta talk to me now, Bobby."

Goren tensed up and then leaned forward cupping his head in his hands. "Why? Why do we have to talk about it?"

"Because it's obviously affecting you and I love you and I worry about you. Is that enough reason?"

He shook his head not wanting to open up.

"What are you worried about with telling me? I'm not going to look at you differently. I'm only going to listen." She placed her hand on his reassuringly.

"It's just going to bring up a lot of stuff."

"Does it have to do with your mom or what happened this morning?" He shifted uncomfortably at the latter.

"This morning brought up some things for you. Okay." She sat curled on the other side of the couch observing him and patiently waiting for him to talk. She looked away briefly and swallowed feeling her throat tighten upon realizing the conversation may make both of them uncomfortable. He compressed his large body into a much smaller frame, shrinking himself to how the impending conversation was making him feel. He hated when he wasn't in control. She felt the same way allowing them to usually avoid vulnerable moments but here they were trying to have something real and that meant facing the uncomfortable.

"It, uh, scared me when you weren't in bed with me this morning. I know it's irrational but I thought something happened to you. I felt paralyzed."

"Mmhmm" she encouraged

"And that's it."

"Don't bullshit me, Bobby. I know there's more than just that."

He got up from the couch and rubbed at the back of his neck where his hair met it. He turned his head to the side then down uncomfortably "Why do you gotta push this?! It doesn't matter."

"I think it does."

"Why?"

"It's bothering you. It affected you at work and right now you can barely look at me."

"It's my problem. I'll deal. Why do you need to get involved?"

"Bobby, don't you see I'm already involved. What affects you affects me. That's how relationships work."

She got up and grabbed a glass and filled it with two fingers of scotch and handed it to Bobby. "Figured you'd like this more than tequila." He smirked remembering.

"Thanks." He sat back down next to her and put his hand on her leg and attempted to pull her closer to him, "why don't we skip talking." His mouth was inches away.

"Don't deflect. We are talking about this." She grabbed his hand and moved it off her leg. He retreated to the other corner of the couch.

"Why is this so important to you?"

"Because you are?"

"Why?"

"Why do I love you?" She looked at him and her heart broke a bit. "Bobby, do you not believe I love you?" His eyes glanced away from hers.

"Ah, I'm only going to hurt you, don't you see that? I'm not good for you."

"You really need to stop pushing me away. She put her hands on his shoulders, "I'm a big girl, Bobby. I'm not made of glass and I most certainly can take care of myself. Let me judge what's good for me."

He sucked in a breath, moved closer to her, reaching out to touch where her heart would lie in her chest, "I've already hurt you." She heard him but he was spiraling and he needed to be focused. She placed her hand on his and then moved it to his leg and made direct eye contact.

"Talk to me. Tell me what happened this morning. You woke up and you didn't see me. You thought of the kidnapping and…"

"My heart started racing and my chest got tight. I felt like I couldn't breathe." He looked down ashamed at admitting this weakness.

"You had a panic attack. That's a common reaction to stress and trauma and you've had it in spades, Bobby."

"Yeah I, uh, know that Alex but usually I can take it without this happening."

"What were you thinking when you had the panic attack? Bobby?"

"I don't want to talk about this!"

"What did you think about?" She was adamant and relentless. She knew in order to get it out of him, she would need to push him and pry it out of him. He hated talking about his feelings and coming off weak.

"Stop it already!"

"Bobby?"

"That it's all my fault! That it's only a matter of time before I lose you. Everyone in my life is gonna leave." He covered his face with his hand.

"Do you think I'm going to leave you?"

He dropped his hands staring into her eyes with sadness and his eyes signaled to her that he believed this to be true. "If you know what's good for you."

"Ah c'mon, Bobby."

"Well it's True. My dad left us. My mother passed. She was kinda gone to me before that and Frank, it's only a matter of time before he OD's or gets killed. I'm not meant to have this, Alex. It's only a matter of time." He stood and paced by the couch. He was becoming agitated and spoke in a confrontational manner.

"So I'm going to leave you, that's what you said, right?" Her face became stoic and she felt he should know by now where she stood with him but apparently that wasn't the case. "We've been together as partners for six years Bobby and I haven't left yet despite having many opportunities to do so." She spoke that last part with an annoyed chuckle, "I'm still here. There's the hole in your logic."

"But you were going to." Immediately, she knew what he was referring to. She'd hoped he'd understood that day how she felt and wouldn't hold it against her but here he was still holding onto that disappointment seeing it as a betrayal or excuse to push her away.

"The letter."

"Yes, the letter."

"I told you. It was before I even got to know you and I immediately regretted writing it. Given the choice today, I would not want any other partner working beside me."

"But you did and one of these days, I'm going to do something that you aren't going to like and there it is."

Her mouth opened then closed. She was looking for the right words to get it through his head that she wasn't going to go anywhere but they weren't coming. She grabbed a glass and poured some scotch for herself and downed it.

She grabbed the side of the counter and then turned around again to face Goren, "You said you already hurt me. Bobby, what are you talking about?"

[Flashback] "So that's when I decided to kill Eames and frame him." He swallowed hard. Goren's stomach twisted in knots and he felt rage build up inside him coinciding with the pity he had for her. Then all he could see, in his mind, was Eames covered in dirt and blood. All he could hear was the crack in her voice as she tried to stay strong in telling him the facts he needed to know. Then, it was her screams that she didn't let out. They were deafening in his head. He wanted to throw up. [End of flashback]

He spoke softly full of regret and pain, "The Gage's. If I hadn't brought them into your life. You wouldn't have been kidnapped. Don't you see it's my fault you were hurt." She wanted to shake him get him to realize he couldn't possibly know the mind of a deranged psychopath that well to know she'd come after her. He wasn't that good and she would mean it as a compliment because he still had the ability and heart to be shocked and affected and that meant he wasn't far gone like he always portrayed. But then he spoke and those words disappeared as she confirmed her worst nightmare. "Jo did it because of me. She was going to kill you, Eames. She told me before they took her in." Eames winced at the memory of being tortured when she heard the name, Jo. "See there." He pointed in her direction. "That's because of me." He finished his drink and placed the drink down on the counter. He rubbed his forehead with his fist, "I should leave." His head and shoulders hunched downward.

"I want you to stay." He looked up at her with wounded puppy dog eyes. "Could you hold me?" She knew it was him who needed the proximity, the comfort but he'd never admit it. By feigning that she needed it, he would get what he needed and save face. Truth be told she did want to be held by him because the two of them understood that day could have gone differently and they wouldn't be here together and she needed that reassurance as much as him.

"Yeah, okay." She put the TV on and curled up next to Goren as he cradled her body close to his. She leaned her head near his chest. He leaned in and kissed the top of her head. Talking must have drained him emotionally because he passed out with his head on hers and arms wrapped around her. She didn't dare move for fear of waking him but truth be told there wasn't anywhere else she would rather be.

[Flashback:] Inside one Police Plaza's garage, Goren waves an officer off when told the closed off the garage due to the missing cop alert. "Shh She's my partner." Goren snatches the crowbar out of an officers hands as he ran up to the trunk of Eames' Car. He pried it open letting the crowbar go, clinking as it fell to the floor. Inside was a green fabric tarp, soaked in spots with blood. He's breath was sharp and he hesitated terrified at the thought of what he might find. He put his hand to the tarp and pulled it back slowly revealing the face of Amanda, the video store clerk. It takes a moment for him to connect to the fact that stares at him. It isn't Eames. He sighed a relief that almost makes him emotional until he realizes that Captain Ross is right beside him_._ [End of flashback]

[Dream:] Goren pulls up to the car props it open with the crowbar. There is the green tarp stained with blood. The smell is strong and metallic along with decomp from the body below. He pulls up the tarp. There lies Eames bloodied and beaten limp in the trunk of her car. Her eyes open.

"You did this." Then close back. He falls to the floor in agony. The action repeats with Frank under the tarp in the morgue and finally his mother's dead body in the hospital room.

"I told you, you have it in you, son." Mark Ford Brady smirked. "The apple didn't fall far from the tree." _Everybody leaves_, he thinks.

"No one is gonna love you. The best you can hope for is a good lay before they catch on and drop you like a sack of potatoes moving on to the next." William Goren continued, "You can't commit to a woman. Men aren't made that way. Men have biological needs that one woman cannot satisfy. The sooner you realize that, the better. Get those romantic notions out your head, Bobby. You are a man now, so man up and keep your mouth shut."

"He said you could have gone either way," Jo's voice echoed in stereo. "How old were you when your mother…"  
"Killed herself?" Jo finished for him. "Seven."

"And that's tough."

"So was yours."

Her smile menacing as her face transforms into Nicole Wallace. "How old were you when you found out your mommy wasn't like all other mommies?" Nicole prodded in his brain.

"Seven."

"Were you ashamed?"

"And frightened."

"But now you worry you're too much of a chip off the old block. Cheers Bobby, This was everything I'd hoped for. [End of Dream]

"Bobby. Bobby, wake up." Eames tried to gently coax him awake. Goren thrashed around before jolting awake. "Hey. You okay? Bad dream?" He rubbed his face and blinked his eyes to see. He leaned forward and rested his head in his hands elbows pressed against his legs. It took him a minute to settle his breath and heart rate.

"I fell asleep on the couch?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to wake you. You looked exhausted."

"I must've been."

"Let's go to bed."

"I'll meet you there. I'm just gonna go out a quick smoke."

"Okay."

He smacked his pack of cigarettes against his left hand to loosen one. He pulled it out and put it between his fingers. Goren brought it to his mouth inhaling as he lit the cigarette. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth exhaling and then licking his dry lips. He listened to the sparse passing traffic outside Eames' home. His dreams had been so vivid and disheartening. He knew he had to come to terms with what had been happening. He couldn't box it away, it wasn't staying put. Between, Eames' kidnapping, his mother's death, then finding out about his father, he knew he wasn't coping well. He was drinking heavily and eating badly, meals were consisting mostly of vending junk and fast food. He was barely taking care of himself. It wasn't until his relationship with Eames that he tried to take a little better care of himself but he knew that he really still wasn't coping. Denial and avoidance had been his modus operandi lately. He puffed again. Inhale and exhale. At least, the cigarettes helped him relax.

There was so much stirring in his mind that he found himself going back to the case where Eames' was kidnapped. He knew his relationship with her was stirring up the case for him and he wouldn't be able to avoid and ignore it much longer.

_[Flashback] _In ER room number 6, Eames laid in bed, IV and oxygen attached and bandages over her head and arms. Goren remembered her looking so small and scared. "I'm sorry." His eyes were exhausted and strained yet genuinely filled with the emotion of what she may have gone through and how he somehow unwillingly facilitated it with his connection to the Gage's. She smiled small, eyes closed slightly shifting her head back and forth sideways. _He blames himself. Oh course, he does. Bobby, I could never blame you for this, _she thinks.

"5 minutes she'll probably conk out in 4." The nurse informed Goren who asked for time to get her account of her kidnapping. Her voice broke with tears on the surface. He softened his voice as he spoke to her and hears her account of what happened.

"He removed the blindfold. He wanted me to scream. I didn't."

"That's what kept you alive," Goren commented grateful for her choice to stay quiet.

He listened, gently prodding for details. She fell asleep in the midst of his soft questioning. He sat and watched her sleep, holding her hand in his, almost drifting to sleep in a chair beside her. He fought to keep his eyes open to guarantee her safety. He stayed until one of the nurses notified him that her father was there to see her. He vacated his seat and placed a call his Captain to tell him what Eames had relayed to him.

"How is she?"

"She's hanging in there. She's tough."

His Captain proceeded to order him to take a couple hours and get some rest since Eames was now safe.

They needed him fresh. The had marked off the crime scene and He accompanied Goren to survey the scene to get clues to Eames' kidnapper. Inside, he worked it as a case forcing his mind to make sense of the clues but inside he his stomach is turning at the thought of Eames being where he was at the moment and being tortured, helpless to stop the criminal.

"You have your partner back. Now, you're gonna have to let your mentor go." He was filled with emotional pain but this time it would be at the loss of his chosen family, his mentor who had been there where others weren't. Declan was the one person who saw and appreciated the greatness inside him and nourished it. _How can I let him down now when he's been the only one there for me. _He asks about making sure Declan's daughter, Jo is available to him. Ross replies, "I didn't have to. She wants to be there for him. She's inured to the horror of what he's done." He stares around the vacant room filled with instruments of torture and thinks. That is the moment he realizes where he went wrong. He was so focused on Declan that he didn't think to consider the motive and benefits. Yes, maybe the attention would have been beneficial to someone who so desperately wanted their career back. However, who could benefit from setting him up. Then, he stops in his tracks, as one name blares in his head: Jo. It's Jo.

He stands outside the interrogation room with Jo as Ross vamps to keep Declan in the box and buy Goren time to get a confession. No one has listened to their story. The words echoed in his head as he looks at Jo with compassion for the first time considering what she might have went through to get to this point. He knows what to do now. He had to simply listen and she would fill in the words.

He listens as the Captain gets Declan to talk.

"How much time do you spend with them?"  
"It's unconditional." Goren listens to these words come through the speaker while contemplating that word. _Unconditional _was something neither him or Jo had growing up. Jo goes to leave upon hearing that Goren thought Declan was innocent.

"A relief of being understood" Goren repeated from the speaker. "I envy you having a dad like him." He did. When he had him in his life grooming him to be a profiler, he could not be more jealous of Jo that he was truly her dad. His words stopped Jo dead in her tracks.

"He was more of a father to you and his killers than he ever was to me." Goren understood. The things he envied about her father were the things that were not available to her growing up. He envied her for no reason. She was just like him yearning for a stable figure in her life loving her unconditionally. He didn't envy her anymore. Now, he felt compassion for her and felt guilty that he was so wrapped up in pleasing her father and grateful at having him in his life that he ignored the blaring signs that Jo needed help. But his feelings were complicated, compassion for Jo felt like a betrayal to Eames since Jo had caused so much pain to his partner, whom he cared deeply for.

Goren had spent so much time with Jo and her father. They became family to him so the idea that they would hurt him should have been on his radar since that's what his own family did but he wanted to believe that he got a second chance with his chosen family. He failed to clock Declan's obsession and neglect and the signs of loneliness and disregard to Jo. _Could I have done anything that would have resulted in a different outcome?_ He couldn't reconcile the Jo he knew with the serial killer she had become. _Does she even realize the gravity of what she's done? The lines she's crossed? It was all a means to an end, for her._ She was inundated with brutality as such a young age that she lost the empathy for the victim. The Captain was right. Now that Eames was safe, he had to let them go. At least for now if not, long term, he needed to be there for Eames.

_He said you could have gone either way." it panged _in his head and brought up his childhood to his surface. Goren thought of the beatings he took from both parents. He got hit from his father for getting into trouble since he would act out for attention. He would get hit by his mother in the midst of her agitated state and her delusions. He would also get told how much better Frank was constantly and how he was good for nothing. They missed his intellect and potential because Bobby stopped trying. He realized it didn't matter if he did well or not so he would skip classes to smoke and drink and his grades dropped drastically. Frank was so wrapped up in pleasing his dad and avoiding his mother that it left little time for them but occasionally they would drink or share a smoke and Frank would chide him for screwing up.

That was something else he didn't want to think about. He pushed it down. He couldn't think about himself right now. He needed to be there for her. She was the only thing that mattered. He made his way to her hospital room glancing at the large number 6 that adorned the wall and that damn curtain there for her privacy but only served to add to her continual torture, making her relive everything she endured. He was so angry and wanted to yank the curtain down to stop her pain. He would but he knew that action would hurt her as well. Instead, he picked a small portion of it back as softly as he could to avoid making much sound and rotated his body to squeeze himself in the small space. He sat in the chair that he moved closer to her bed. He would stay there as long as she needed him. _[End of Flashback]_

He finished his cigarette and put it out. He opened the door and walked inside heading for the bathroom. He used the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and joined Eames in the bedroom.

"There you are." Eames said pulling him into the bed. "I thought about putting out a BOLO. You were out there so long. How are you? You okay?"  
"Now, I am." He smiled and kissed her wrapping his arms around her. "Let's get some sleep."


	10. Chapter 10

Note: Silencer, mature content in the beginning

Not Beta'd

When he woke the next morning, he was determined to put the dream and feelings behind him. That meant getting back to his routine and putting his focus . He woke before Eames. He made them coffee and breakfast. He Grabbed some books and wrote notes in the margins. After he drank his coffee and ate his breakfast, he jumped into the shower.

Eames woke to smell of bacon and coffee and heard the shower running in the bathroom. She stepped into the bathroom, pulled her pajama pants and underwear down, and used the bathroom. Goren peaked from behind the shower curtain.

"Good Morning," Goren squinted through the water running down his face from washing out his shampoo. He smiled at her and wiped the residual water drops from his face. Goren then returned to his shower behind the shower curtain.

"I see you were up early today."

"Yeah, I needed to get back to my routine. It helps my mind stay fresh. I made you some breakfast."

"I smell it. Thank you."

Eames removes her clothes and enters the shower behind Goren. She wraps her arms around him.

"Oh hey. You know I'm almost done."

"That's okay. I just wanted to hold you a bit under the water."

"Mmm okay."

She puts her hands on the skin of his stomach. She feels it contract and settle under her touch. She sighs at the closeness of his body to hers as she holds him. The water beads and falls off their bodies making their bodies slick. He bends his head backwards against her, nuzzling. Water from his wet hair swinging back fell behind him and onto Eames. She chuckled softly. She then removed her hands from his body, wiping where the water fell on her and instructs him, "Close your eyes." She lightly dragged the tips of her nails up his neck.

"Uh huh." He mumbled as he obeys her order, closing his eyes taking in the sensation of her hands.

"Relax." He was tense and she knew there were all sorts of thoughts in his head contributing to his stress and tension. She wanted to do something for him to help him let go of some of it. She put her hands on his shoulders massaging and kneading the muscles there. Working her hands in between his shoulder blades to loosen the tense muscle that resided in that area, She worked her way from his shoulders to massage his neck then finished with a scalp massage.

He let out a quiet groan of pleasure from her massage. He was suddenly very aware that they were both naked. She placed a soft kiss in between his shoulder blades as her hands wrapped around him to slowly caress his stomach and upwards to his chest feeling the bit of wet hair that settled there. "You have so much on your mind lately, you've gotten so tense. It's okay to let some of that go and someone in."

He exhaled, "I know. It's just not easy for me."

She places another kiss on his shoulder, "Take it one day at a time. Stop trying to do or think of everything at once. Let yourself relax. Are you relaxing?"

"Yes, baby." He smiled seductively, "Um, I think you may have been a little too effective." She glanced down realising that he had become aroused from her touch. It wasn't her intention but she licked her lips and smiled his way. She would enjoy him and he most definitely would be relaxed afterward.

"Let me see what I can do about that." She replied grabbing his erection from behind and stroking him moving her hands from the base of his shaft to the tip. She began encircling her hands and moving in a circular motion around his girth. He let his body melt against her as he closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation of her touch. He opened them when the touching stopped and settled himself to keep from falling. She knelt down in front of him glancing up to him and smiling a seductive teasing smile before grabbing him again. "Mmm, Alex, baby." He managed to get out. She began to stroke him firmly as well as cover him with her mouth. When the hot breath of her mouth connected with his erection he moaned as he throbbed waiting for her to start. She swirled her tongue teasingly over the tip. She ran her tongue across his length until she reached his balls teasing them with the tip of her tongue and then she licked him up until she reached his head again and began to suck him. He let out a few guttural groans and arched his neck up leaning against the tile wall.

"Alex," he softly moaned. All thoughts of the dream and surrounding feelings melted away from the moment. He had only one thought: Alex and the wonderful feeling of her mouth on him. She took him deeper and met her hands to her mouth taking every bit of him. He bit his lip as he moaned with waves of pleasure. He felt himself building to his orgasm. "Fuck." He said in a throaty whisper. "Oh," he moaned. She sucked a little firmer and deeper and he felt his balls tighten as he erupted in her mouth. She swallowed and wiped the corners of her mouth. He leaned down to bring her up and kissed her mouth not caring at the moment about what she had done just wanting her lips against his. Their lips crashed together passionately. He broke leaving his lips inches away leaning his forehead against hers, "Now that was a wonderful way to start the day." He pecked her lips again softly.

"Hmm there's that smile I've been missing these past couple days. You definitely look more relaxed now."

"Mmmhmm."

"Amazing what a good blowjob could do."

"Not just that, well yes, but also you, Alex. Thank you." He caressed her cheek and placed one more kiss upon her lips. Goren pulled back the curtain slightly, trying not to let the water out, making his way out of the tub stepping on the bathmat and wrapping his body in his large blue towel. He ran his hands through his wet hair, brushed his teeth, and proceeded to dry off and get dressed.

Eames continue washing lathering herself with her soap and letting the water glide over her body to remove it. She then began massaging shampoo into her hair allowing it to work a lather and get sudsy scraping her nails into her hair. She then rinsed and repeated the action with the conditioner. Lastly, she washed her face and splashed cold water on to it. She stepped out of the shower and covered her body with her gray body towel. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and walked into the bedroom. Goren was almost done dressing. He had on his blue button-up shirt and some dark blue slacks. He grabbed for his striped tie and Eames stepped closer helping him with his tie and Goren had a confident smirk on his face. "Looks like you are in a much better mood," Eames remarked. As she tightened the knot in his tie, he pulled on the edges of her towel watching it fall to the floor and taking in the sight of Eames naked in front of him. She just smiled.

"Mmhmm. I just needed one last look." He bit his lip, "You are absolutely stunning." He let his hands gently trace her hips rubbing his thumb in circles along her hip bone. Eames felt a slight blush coming on her face. When Goren was turned on, his charm and his stare could sweep her off her feet. She wished nothing more than to christen every inch of her home with him but they had to go into work so she had to be the strong one to keep her head on straight right now. She put her hands on his chest and pushed softly.

"I have to get ready for work now so get out of my way, Bobby." She said through a chuckle. He moved aside and watched her for another minute as she pulled out clothes and began to dry herself and dress. He was never was more jealous of towel in his life. "Don't you have something to do?" She deflected the intensity of his eyes on her. He gave her a smirk.

"I can't help it." He nibbled his lip some more pondering all the dirty thoughts in his head. _Damn_. She glared at him in a teasing way. "I'll go." He chuckled lightly and walked out of the room.

"Thank you." Now that distractions were gone, Eames could focus on getting ready for work. They didn't have time to fool around more but later, yes later, she thought, I may have to put his creative and dirty mind to work. She was already moistening just thinking about it.

"You'll have to heat up your breakfast," He shouted from the living room.

"That's okay. Thanks again." Eames shouted over while pulling up her slacks and snapping close her bra. She thought about Goren and hoped that he would be a little better today and that he would open up more to her. She knew he was holding back his feelings. He was amazing at getting others to talk but he would have a wall up when it came to his own feelings. Eames gathered that it might have been a survival mechanism from his childhood. It was a bad habit she was going to have to work through with him.

She finished dressing and entered the living room and made her way through to the Dining room. There she found her plate of food and a cup of coffee made for her. Goren was drinking a cup of coffee at the table when he motioned towards her food, "Do you want me to heat it up before I go?" She nodded as she sipped her coffee. He microwaved her food and retrieved it setting it before her. He gathered his bag with notes and books packed quickly inside. He pulled over his overcoat and walked towards her. "Love you." He leaned in slightly and kissed her passionately, leaving her wanting more, tasting the coffee in her mouth. _Today, was going to be a good day._ He walked towards the door and drove his car back to his apartment before hopping on the subway towards One Police Plaza.

—-

**One Police Plaza**

Goren unpacked his bag and settled at his desk. He began to work through his notes to write up the paperwork for the last case. Eames trotted in shortly after. "Good Morning, Bobby."

"Good Morning, Ba-Eames." They broke out into laughter. He spoke in a low whisper, "You got my mind drunk on you, I forget where I am. This morning's performance, no doubt." He bit his lip.

"Watch it Goren." She wagged her finger at him. "Well, I am good at what I do."

"Mmm, I'll say." How effortlessly he laid the charm almost made her blush again. He could almost become rock hard just thinking about the morning event. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing her bent down before him. _Today was going to be excruciatingly long._ He waived that thought away and thought about his blunder. He was grateful that no one was around to witness his slip. They laugh again at the absurdity like two friends sharing their favorite inside joke.

Captain Ross walked by to give them the details of their new case and stopped at the corner of their desks taking in his detectives.

"Did I miss something? What's so funny?" Ross inquired feeling very much like the outsider. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't quite balance the boss/colleague dynamic often relying on his role as the boss and enforcer. He couldn't quite find his fit. He wondered if Deakins had this much trouble being one of them yet keeping peace. He figured he'd probably fit in quite nicely without much effort.

"Couldn't tell you, you kind of needed to be there. If I repeated it, it wouldn't be funny." Eames caught Goren's eye and he smiled catching her drift and reveling in their secret moment.

"Yeah, it was stupid. Anyway, we have a case?" He deflected.

"Uh yeah. We have an ear surgeon found slain in his office. A Dr. Jack Mallory. A deaf patient called it in. She's in the exam room." Just like that, the two of them were back to being professional. Goren got up rearing to get a jump start on the case.

"Your partner signs?" Captain Ross directed to Eames.

She replied, "Well, not enough for a witness interview. We'll call for an interpreter."

They reached the scene to find that a large group of deaf protesters swarmed outside the office.

"Okay, let us by" Goren says and signs a close proximate.

"They're not violent. The Deaf are a community whose voice is not heard." The deaf community representative spoke on their behalf. Goren flashed a non verbal acquiesce in understanding but also moving his way through them with Eames right behind because they had a job to do. "Now that they expressed themselves, they will leave if he agrees not to press charges."

Inside, Goren examined the body while Eames gathered the information. "Rigor places the murder last night," Goren informed.

"See this bruise here on the neck," Goren maneuvered the body for best visibility and pointed out to Eames and the crime scene photographer "His, uh, larynx was crushed." The crime scene snapped away documenting the injuries while Goren and Eames relayed some more facts formulating their ideas of what may have happened.

"Mallory wouldn't have been able to make a sound," Goren added.

"He has no appointments in his book." Eames noted.

"No sign of a break-in."

"He must have buzzed his killer in."

"That spatter what's that gunk?" Eames inquired.

"Oh, it looks like, uh yeah, it's potato. It's an Irish silencer. Urban lore. It's not very effective. I guess our killer doesn't know they don't work."

Goren and Eames seemed to flow through their investigation of the scene thoroughly and effortlessly. Each had their input and sometimes would even finish each other's sentences. When this happened, they would lock eyes and smile like they were in their own little world. Goren loved working cases with her. She matched his dedication and enthusiasm. She was an equal which challenged him in all the right ways.

Since Goren's signing was rudimentary and Eames' nonexistent, they brought in a detective and interpreter, Peter Lyons. Detective Lyons worked for the community services division specializing in outreach to the deaf community. He made himself readily available when needed for interviews by police. He was the son of two deaf parents which is how he learned to sign and sparked his passion to advocate and help the deaf community.

"Detective Eames?" He walked up to her and immediately and eagerly introduced himself despite both Eames and Goren being present together.

"Yeah." She smiled and took off her glove to shake his hand.

"Peter Lyons. Community Services Division. You need an interpreter?" Eames was relieved and enthused at his arrival as they weren't making much headway with the witness back at the station.

"Yes. Thank you. We have a witness we could use you help with." He nodded and allowed Eames to lead him to an interview room where they got a statement from Malia. Goren and Eames asked the questions and Detective Lyons signed the interpretation. The interview went flawlessly and they learned that the doctor didn't see patients on Saturday and she found the body early morning which supported Goren's theory of him being killed at night.

Goren decided early on that he didn't like Detective Lyons. Maybe it was due to the fact that he was constantly smiling at Eames or the personal way he invaded her space. Or just maybe, it was the effortless way he flirted with her without fear of reproach. Goren was frustrated at Detective Lyons for even wanting her. He was also feeling insecure and annoyed that Eames was allowing it to happen. _Was she sending him signals?_ He could understand. _That relationship would be so much easier and they wouldn't have to hide. Was he a better fit for her? No, we are together. She loves me. Why did he have to be so nice?_ That just made him even more frustrated because he really couldn't fault the guy even though he wanted to but every time she called him Peter, Goren felt a primal urge to lunge at him and the urge to claim her in front of everyone thus them receiving the message, "hands off." When they walked, Goren instantly fell behind and Detective Lyons leaned into expertise informing Eames about the community. Goren was annoyed. Even though he was just doing his job, He felt that the detective was posturing for Eames. Goren took every opportunity to challenge him, equally posturing for Eames.

When Goren realized they needed to pursue a drug angle for home invasion and that they would need to go undercover, he was thrilled. This meant alone time, relatively alone, with Eames and they were always great at undercover ops. He shuffled in pretending to be a drug seeker and she sat close-by pretending to read a paper. It was a simple op but it was just the two of them, no Detective Lyons. When they completed the op, Goren and Eames beamed at the success before realizing that their success was short-lived. They got the guy but ruled the theory out quickly as he was wheelchair bound and couldn't access the building properly.

They had to entertain another idea, the killer may be a part of the deaf community. "Peter said there's a deaf social tonight at the ice rink," Eames informed. They were out of leads at the moment, so they hoped they could see something that might help them. Goren and Eames arrived at the ice rink first. Goren sat very close to Eames. It was the only alone time they had in the time of working the case. Maybe that also added to his crankiness the past couple of days.

"Hey." He managed to get out.

"Hey, yourself. I missed you." She leaned close feeling the proximity of their bodies and enjoying his presence. He beamed.

"So uh Peter?" He tilted his head inquisitively.

"If he's really more your type..." she teased conjuring a rare smile from him since Detective Lyons was added on. Then, as if he knew they were having a moment, Detective Lyons had to show up and spoil it.

Goren returned his focus to work. "They're fighting. You gotta help me out. I can't make out what they're saying," Goren wished he didn't need his help.

"I'm not comfortable eavesdropping," Detective Lyons replied.

"They know that we're here. They have no reasonable expectation of privacy. Please."

"It's a private event."

"In a public place. Please, Eames," Goren sent a pleading look Eames' way but she just shook her head grateful at the interruption, by an incoming call, from the awkward triangle she seemed to find herself in.

"Don't put me in the middle," she stated glancing at him with a look that said you know how much I hate being in the middle before stepping away to take the call. Goren watched her leave pressing his tongue against his cheek. _How is it the middle if you're with me? It should be me over Detective Lyons, anytime._

"Their gestures are getting bigger, it's like they're shouting." After Goren gave him another pleading look, Detective Lyons conceded and translated their signing. _I bet if Alex asked he'd translated in a heartbeat not bothering to argue._ Even when he was being helpful, everything he said and every nonverbal he expressed just rubbed under Goren's skin like it were being scrubbed with an abrasive Brillo pad.

"Now they know that we're talking about them, so they're hiding their hands."

"They can read lips and body language, detective."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I know." _I'm not an idiot._

"It's a public place. We have no reasonable expectation of privacy" and the way he said it, throwing his own words back at him, was smug. Goren really wanted to hit him but then Eames returned and Goren became preoccupied with her. More importantly how she interacted with Detective Lyons, which was the reason he walked off. It just triggered his insecurity in a big way. In hindsight, he wouldn't have left because that just gave them more alone time and a chance for Detective Lyons to cozy up to her some more. "Well look I'm gonna call the DA," He stated uncomfortably, tired of feeling like a third wheel. Eames watched him leave before settling in and conversing with Detective Lyons.


	11. Chapter 11

Personal: because currently my grandma may go and I desperately need a distraction.

* * *

Note: Silencer. Continued from previous chapter. Goren likes to put his foot in his mouth and insecurities are majorly triggered.

* * *

The next morning while waiting for Eames to come into work, Goren noted that she was later than usual. Goren was sulking and leaning on his arm, busying himself writing notes and occasionally staring at Eames' empty chair. He rubbed his face and his eyes were sad as his mind went through a bunch of scenarios for her absence. His chest hurt but he held back the feeling of a panic attack that he knew would come if he let himself worry too much. Eames did text that she was on her way, ten minutes ago, when he had texted her. Goren allowed himself to stay busy until her arrival to mitigate the intrusive feelings and thoughts panging in his gut.

When she arrived, he saw them arrive side by side smiling and talking. She was in good spirits as is the case when she could easily read and call bullshit on a suspect or witness. A side that he usually got to witness first hand but instead she had chased the lead with Detective Lyons. There was no doubt in Goren's mind that Detective Lyons did it intentionally to buy himself some one on one time with her. The way he looked at her as Eames stripped her coat, left Goren feeling rage and a sick feeling in his stomach. "He told Peter…" Eames started and Goren immediately rolled his eyes and closed them before reopening them. _Doesn't she know how much it feels like a knife in my gut every time she sweetly says "Peter?" _Goren's eyes danced back from Eames to Detective Lyons and back to Eames before getting up to join them in an interview with the Deaf playwright, Larry.

Detective Lyons and Eames walked off together from the other side of the two-way mirror and went down to the cafeteria to have some coffee and talk about the case. This was something she would normally do with Goren. Instead, she was here with Detective Lyons because she could sense something was bothering him. She didn't know why she cared to know. Maybe she was just being friendly or maybe it was because she could sense he really was a great guy. Either way, she figured she could lend an ear.

"Your DA thinks she could bully deaf people as if they don't know their rights."

"She's _not my_ DA and her fiance _was_ just killed."

"Then, she shouldn't be in the room." Eames nodded. She had some experience dealing with this kind of emotional outburst of frustration. Afterall, she was partnered to Goren. She was fluent in it. She took a confrontational approach to cut through the emotion and get to the reasoning.

"What's going on? Are you upset with her or that the killer might be deaf?" She listened to his explanation and out of the corner of her eye she saw the Captain walking in their direction. She took a breath and nodded to herself. _Great, this is all I need. This is all going to get misinterpreted now, I'm sure._

"Captain." He redirected Detective Lyons to look at news footage of Deaf protesters and then addressed Eames when Detective Lyons was no longer in the room.

"Sorry, if I interrupted." _Great now the rumor mills will be running overtime._  
"You didn't." she replied sharply and confidently. She started drinking her coffee and hoped he read her nonverbal body language shutting down any notion that she would discuss her love life. Of course, Captain Ross, being who he is, was oblivious to the hint to drop it.

Captain Ross continued to speak, "He seems like a decent guy." _When did he become so invested in my love life? He __**is**_ _a decent guy but I'm just not into him. _She was into someone else, the someone else that could drive her crazy but also make her feel as if she were the only person in the room. She couldn't reveal that to him so she just answered his comment.

"Yeah, he does." She was grateful when he didn't prod any further.

She finished her coffee and returned to her desk where she saw Goren with his head down into his notes and books, barely looking at her when she sat down. "Hey," she said with a smile on her face. "You okay?"

He was moody and just raised his eyes without speaking. _Okay so we're doing this again. Ugh I hate when he's moody._

"I missed you last night," He spouted off insinuating something happened he wasn't privy to.

"Yeah, I was going over our notes and I was exhausted so I went home."

"You didn't call."

"I fell right asleep. You could have called or come over," she reminded him.

"Uh huh and you came in with him." _I hope I'm wrong but the two of them were playing in my head on repeat and I just couldn't get it out of my mind. I had to know. _

"Whatever you're implying, get it out of your head now," Eames answered sternly knowing his ability to take a small innocuous thing and blow it up until it was bigger than it should be. He exhaled a relief. "Peter and I met this morning for breakfast as we spoke with a witness."

"Peter," He scoffed.

"What Bobby? It's his name."

He puffed out his lips in an annoyed manner, "He's coming on to you."

"And?" _I'm not stupid, Bobby. I can tell when someone is into me. Doesn't mean I'm going to do anything about it._

"You're flirting with him too."

"Am I?" She stated bluntly widening her eyes in response. _Wow really he went there. _Just when she didn't think he could frustrate her any more, he goes and pulls this.

He shook his head and his eyes showed his motion to yes. Eames thinks, _So I guess its solved then, I must be sleeping with him since I can't seem to have any platonic relationships without them being misconstrued by the all knowing Robert Goren._

"We just talked. That's it. I'm not looking for anyone." She looked into his eyes trying to emphasize that last part and communicate with him that she was happy with him. She hoped that would be enough to assuage his jealousy realizing that no one compares to him but apparently not.

"But he thinks you are. He thinks he has a chance. Doesn't he?"

"Goren. I'm not doing this."

"Why don't you just answer. Tell me I'm wrong."

"You are reading too much into it."

"Oh. Am I?" He stated a little higher than his normal speaking voice drawing some looks from nearby detectives.  
"Yes." she suck in a breath and smacked her mouth closed. She was not about to let him embarrass her in the precinct.

"What did I get wrong then? Enlighten me." She just shook her head at him. _I'm not doing this, Bobby. You are being so irrational right now and it's not attractive._

"What did you talk about?" He continued to push. _God, he's like a dog with a bone._

She gathered her files and leaned in to him as she moved to go passed him."I hate when you're like this." She answered in a low, hushed but clear tone. "You act like I'm not supposed to have a life outside of you. You don't control me. You'd do well to trust me. Jealousy is not a good look on you." She pressed her tongue against her cheek and shook her head. Her lips stretched thin and her arms folded against her chest. She turned and walked away papers in hand. She settled in an empty conference room and began to organize her information on the case. Goren become more frustrated in his desk but couldn't concentrate. He just pushed things around to look busy shooting glares Detective Lyon's way.

"Tommy's cousin alibis Tommy, but not Malia. Malia alibis Larry, but Larry rejects her alibi," Eames informs the Captain.

"It's possible that the three of them are in this together," Captain Ross said frustratingly and instantly aiming to find the easiest reductive conclusion.

"There is one way we can break into their world," Goren proffered making Detective Lyons uncomfortable.

"Bring Tommy and Malia in together, pull them apart." The captain caught his drift and finished his idea.

* * *

**Interrogation**

"You didn't want Malia to get the implant.

Why would you? You didn't think she needed to be fixed, did you?"

"Of course not, she's perfect"

"And you thought Dr. Mallory was destroying all of that, didn't you?"

"He had no right to ruin our lives!"

"Tommy, what did you do?" Malia was heartbroken.

"I did it for us. So we could be together forever. In _our_ world, not theirs."

"You killed him?" Goren questioned leading Tommy into his confession.

"I didn't mean to. I just shot his hand so he couldn't perform the surgery. But then he was yelling, and someone was gonna hear. I had to stop him." Detective Lyons translated and spoke for Tommy.

"You stomped on his throat. He was screaming, his mouth was open. But he didn't make a sound." He stated as he signed the words to him. Goren found himself failing to grasp the sign for what he was trying to communicate next. "You knocked out his voice box," he spoke. Tommy looked at him befuddled until Detective Lyons filled him in. "You didn't have to kill him," Goren finished. The unis made their arrest and they walked out of the interrogation room.

Detective Lyons caught Eames eye and walked towards the elevator. She followed. "Thanks for your help on this case," She stated as she shook his hand. Detective Lyons placed his hand on hers and replied, "Of course. Anytime you need a sign language interpreter, I'd be glad to help." There was an awkward silence where Eames felt he wanted to say more. His hand was still on hers. Goren watched from his desk feeling like bile would erupt from his stomach to his throat at any minute. Eames removed her hand from his letting it fall to her side. "Alexandra, it was nice meeting you."

"As was you" She smiled warmly.

"Any chance, you'd be interested in going to dinner with me?"

"Peter, you are a great guy." He sunk at the sign of rejection. "I'm not looking for anything right now." He nodded and entered the elevator going down.

Eames turned to catch Goren listening and he immediately tried to busy himself. "Too late. I hope you got an ear full. You know, your biggest strength and problem is that overactive mind of yours." She sank in her chair to start on paperwork.

He lowered his voice and leaned forward. "I'm an ass."

"You got that right?" She answered sharply but in equally hushed tones.

"Maybe, I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't sleep as well without you now." He tried giving her his best puppy eyes.

"Waking up had nothing to do with your insane jealousy."

They finished for the night leaving the rest of the notes for the morning. They grabbed their jackets and walked to the elevator.

"Could you blame me? You are obviously a, um, beautiful woman and he was coming on strong. I can't fault him, of course he would have to be daft not to see you. But to have to stand back and grit my teeth watching him try to put the moves on you and not being able to do a damn thing about it…" he shook his head.

"Maybe, it wouldn't have bothered you so much if you realized we were secure. That he was going to get nowhere with me, cause I was spoken for. If you'd remember that, you would have taken care to treat me with respect and not assume that simply because he was trying, I would immediately be taken by him." Goren shuffled his feet glancing at the floor sheepishly.

"Uh...you're right, Alex. I was being a jerk. I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

"And another thing. Don't think that just because we are in a relationship, that it gives you the right to control me and dictate what I do. I will not stand for that, Goren."

"Understood, loud and clear."

They exited the elevator and Goren walked Eames to her car. "Forgive me." He leaned in then backed out of her space.

"I'll think about it."

He whispered, "I really want to kiss you right now." He looked up to catch her reaction. She was still mad but was softening. She shook her head then gave him the briefest of smiles.

"Get in the car, Goren." He smiled and proceeded to join her in the car. She pulled off. "You are so frustrating," she spoke, smiling. Goren shook his head and smiled shyly.

"Yeah, I get that."

She pulled into her driveway. Goren leaned in softly pulling the hair out of her face and caressing her cheek with his thumb locking eyes with Eames. He pressed his lips briefly on hers and pulled back. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too," she responded and he immediately knew it was true. This case had them busy and cranky and they didn't have much time alone with each other. Goren didn't question anything. He knew he would be spending the night and he had a few ideas of how the night would go. He needed to reacquaint himself with her body and he had some making up to do.


	12. Chapter 12

Note: Goren and Eames make up. Mature content

* * *

**Eames' Home**

"Hey I have an idea." Eames looks at him noting his smug look.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Why don't we get all cleaned up" he slid his hands on her shoulders removing her jacket "and I'll show you just how much I missed you." He slowly unbuttoned her blouse letting his thumbs graze the skin underneath as it passed onto the next button. He guided the blouse off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He leaned in pressing his lips against hers softly, barely touching with a smile curled onto his lips. Then he pressed his lips on the newly bare skin. He unbuttoned and unzipped her pants and she stepped out of her shoes she stepped up to kiss him as he leaned down to catch her lips on his. He pushed his tongue slowly in her mouth teasing her lips and past her teeth until he reached her tongue. He rubbed the tip of his tongue against the front of hers until she joined him letting her tongue play with his. Their lips sliding over each other's while he pulled her pants down. Eames helped him slide the pants down. She stood before him in matching bra and panties. He paused his kissing to take her in. _Wow, she's beautiful._ She pulled his head closer to her and he took advantage to steer towards her breasts and sucked on the exposed tops as he cupped them from the outside. After he sucked and hickies started forming, he nibbled playfully and kissed up her neck. His hands were wrapped around her waist and hers around his. Eames arched her neck back giving him more access and enjoyed every lick, nibble, and suckle from his mouth. Her hands raked his curls grabbing them with pleasure.

Goren scooped her up into his arms and carrying her into the bathroom. She stood up on her feet removing herself from his grasp.

"You're a little overdressed. That's not fair."

"Hmm that so?"

"Mmhmm" she voiced and it came out as a moan and plea. She undid his tie and slowly took it off his neck. His hands slid down and cupped her butt. He stared at her half naked form stripping him and let out a groan. _Damn, she's sexy. Fuck._ His tie fell to the floor and her fingers began working his shirt buttons. When she undid enough to run her hands underneath and have access to his neck, she leaned in and caressed his chest on top of his undershirt and ran her tongue slowly up his neck. He tasted slightly salty. She sucked his neck and he moaned, "Alex" in a raspy, husky tone.

"Mmm I love how you moan my name," she spoke into his ear and nibbled on the cartilage teasingly.

_That's it, she is going to kill me._

She removed her hands from his chest and made quicker work of the rest of the buttons. She ran her hands slowly down his thighs and cupped his bulge. He moaned again and she felt him twitch under her hands.

"I've barely touched you and you are already so worked up," Alex smiled a flirty smile.

He squeezed her butt cheeks and pulled her into him as her hands went to undo his belt. He pressed his erection against her teasing her and himself. He pushed her against the bathroom wall. She unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. He snatched them down and lifted Eames body. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He held her into place with his body and kissed her biting her bottom lip softly. "I wanted to take my time and make love to you," he kissed her, " Mmm but my body misses you. It's been so long. We aren't even cleaned yet."

"We can be dirty before we get cleaned," she arched an eyebrow and displayed a mischievous smile pressing her breasts against his chest.

_I love her. I'm a lucky man. _He let her down. His hands moved up her back and unclipped her bra freeing her breasts and taking them into his hands and into his mouth. He teased her nipples with a swirl of his tongue and raking them in his teeth. Eames let out a moan that made him rock hard.

"Mmm Baby" he felt her breasts and enjoyed how soft yet firm they felt underneath his hands and let his hands trail down until they hit the waistband of her panties. He pressed his thumb under the band moving it along the band and over her skin there. He pulled his erection through his boxer briefs and she stroked it a couple times before he pulled her panties off and pinned her, again, against the bathroom wall. He pushed into her and her nails gripped his neck digging in. "Ah oh," he let out.

"Bobby," she moaned.

"Mmm say my name again." He got a rush from hearing his name on her lips. He knew she could have anyone but she chose him and it definitely felt good to know that little tidbit. He pulled out and turned her around stomach against the wall. He teased her with his erection from behind. He then entered her from behind. He drove into her deeper and quicker. His breath was quick and short. He rested his head against the nook of her neck. He sank his teeth into her neck and shoulder and soothed it with his tongue licking the afflicted flesh.

"Oh Bobby. Yes, Bobby. Faster."

He complied moaning "Alex. My Alex."

When they finished, he kissed her hard still inside her and then pulled out and tucked himself back into his underwear. He reached over and turned the shower head on and she grabbed him kissing him again, before he had a chance to pull off his clothes, pulling him into the shower with his shirt and underwear on.

Goren laughed. "Oh hey. I still have my clothes on." He grabbed onto her for balance and she pulled him underneath the spray and kissed him and suddenly he didn't care anymore. His shirt clinging to his body and his hair was a mass of wet curls. She ran her nails through them as she kissed him and his hands landed against her bare waist. They continued kissing as the water bounced between them.

She shed his shirt and underwear and toss them outside the shower. _A mess for later clean up._

He caressed her body and she did the same to his now exposed skin. He whispered his apologies leaving kisses all over her body. He squirted shampoo in his hands and ran them circular through Eames' hair. He playfully touch some suds to her nose as he lathered her hair. She stole some shampoo to work it through his curls. And together, they rinsed under a cascading of shower water.

They continued to clean each other and hold each other under the spray. Goren placed his head in the nook of her neck as he wrapped his arms around her body. "I got a little carried away with my jealousy. It's not you. It's me. I know I have to work on it."

"Mmhmm. Yeah, that you do. I don't have a problem with the idea that you get jealous."

She ran her hands up his back and kept one there and the other into his hair caressing his curls. "That happens. It's a basic response but how you acted in response to your jealousy. That's a whole different thing and I did not appreciate that, Bobby." He looked up with puppy dog eyes "forgive me?"

"Already forgiven." She pulled his head up and pecked his lips. "Come on, let's get out of here." Goren stepped out first and grabbed a towel while Eames followed suit. He wrapped her in the towel and brought her close to him kissing her lips.

She laid in bed while Goren climbed on top of her. He kissed her softly leaving kisses all over her body tenderly. He took his time making sure to caress and hit everyone of her spots. He put aside his own pleasure to make sure she was thoroughly satisfied. They lay in bed together, a tangled mess of sheets and limbs. She laid on his chest curling up to cradle his body hands tucked under where her head rested. He had his arm around her body and the other in her hair.

"Sometimes, I feel like I don't deserve you but I'm glad you stay even if I don't know what you see in me." He kissed her head. "I love you, Alex. Or should I say Alexandra." He stretched out the syllables making fun of Peter.

"It was nice at first but it did get a little annoying after awhile."

"So I shouldn't call you, Alexandra?"

"You. You can call me anything you'd like." She pressed her finger to his lips and he kissed it before she took it away.

"How about mine?" She pressed a kiss onto his chest.

"I really wished you'd see yourself differently. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes and stop pushing me away. I love you and you deserve love, Bobby."

"Maybe, I don't know."

"I do. Believe me, if you don't believe in yourself."

"I want to."

"I hope you are able to soon. I mean your jealousy with Peter, really what was that about?"

"I couldn't stop thinking that he may have been a better man for you."

"You may be right but I don't want better. I want you. You don't give yourself enough credit. You are a great man."

"I just want you to be happy."

"I want the same for you. Do I make you happy?"

"Unbelievably happy."

"Good." She caressed his face and hair and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Goodnight, Bobby."


	13. Chapter 13

Personal: Thanks for your patience. It was hard to write while I was grieving.

Note: Fluff and Mature Content.

Not Beta'd

* * *

They took advantage of their days off to do things they enjoyed and take some time apart. Goren used the time to get some errands done and then to spend some time reading and researching which he hadn't had much time to do lately. Eames got some running and some kickboxing and some healthy eating which Goren was not the biggest fan of doing. She took the day as a detox and strengthening day and then curled up and watched a mindless chick flick.

She was halfway through it when Goren called. She lowered the movie and picked up.

"Do you miss me already?"

"You know I do." She smiled at his reply.

"How was your day off?"

"Mostly uneventful except for a homeless guy threatening to wail on bystanders with a brick."

"What?"

"Yeah. I am a proud owner of said brick." She chuckled into the receiver

"Well thanks for that."  
"The guy was just hungry. I'm sure he didn't want to hurt anyone but I didn't want to risk it. I also suspect he may have a mental illness."

"Doing this job has taught me that most of them do. How are you? I missed you today."

"I'm good. I missed you too but I did get a lot of research done."

"Do you ever give that brain of yours a rest?"

"For someone like me, that's an impossible ask, you know. Although, you do make some good efforts in distracting me from it. What did you do today?"

"I managed to make that kickboxing class I wanted to do."

"Does that mean I should refrain from getting you angry, again?"

"Let's just say I learned some new tricks, and not the kind you like, so you should stay on my good side. Oh and I had those detox and health shakes you love so much."

Goren grimaced into the phone and made a sound of disgust which set Eames into a fit of laughter.

"I missed that."

"What?"

"Your laughter."

"You make it sound like you haven't seen me in ages."

" I just really miss you right now. I got used to sleeping with you in my arms."

"Yeah, It's going to be extra tough waking up tomorrow without you making the transition easier."

"Oh I do that, huh?"

"Yeah, it also makes you run behind but I've gotten used to it."

"I guess we both have gotten used to being with each other all the time but this time apart has shown us that we also been neglecting other parts of ourselves. That's not a bad thing."

"You're right. Why do you always have to use your logic against me?" Eames laughed softly.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm struggling too but I guess it is just something I'm telling myself."  
"I love you"

"I love you too. I wish I could hold you right now."

"Something tells me you wouldn't be holding me for long, anyway."

"Yeah, probably not. That doesn't help, Alex."

"You'll see me tomorrow."

"Yeah but I can't exactly do any of those things at the precinct."

"Down boy." Goren laughs

"Well, I'm going to try and turn in."

"You do that." She chuckles "Don't forget that cold shower."

"Good night, Alex."

"Good night, Bobby. Sweet dreams."

"Oh dreams of you are always sweet." He ended the phone call and smiled to himself. He felt like a lovesick schoolboy. He didn't think he could ever feel like that again.

* * *

They met at 1PP, Goren with two coffees in hand.

"One of those for me?"

"Uh yeah. Here." Goren did a juggling act of handing her the coffee without spilling his and grabbing the current casefile. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to read every detail even the ones that weren't there.

"Two murders and robbery," She supplied helping him fill in the blanks. "Apparently, he is a bit of a lady's man and convinces the women to do his bidding, keeping his hands mostly clean."

"Yeah. There's a word for that, coward." He thumbed his way through the pages of his file and description and photo they manage to capture with surveillance, "What they see in this guy?"

"Lonely women become desperate women?" She shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee, "They wanted to believe this guy would take them out of their misery and he knows just what to say to get them to fall in line."

"I hate guys like this. Guys that are weak and use people who are weaker and vulnerable. Yeah, guys like that really piss me off."

"Well you'll get your chance to go toe-to-toe with him. We got interrogation. We have enough to get him in for an interview and see if we can shake his story."

"Let's play." Eames nods tossing him a small smile.

Eames and Goren enter the interrogation and their suspect, Clayton Howell rises to greet them.

"Sit boy," Eames stated.

"Here, I was trying to be a gentleman."

"There's nothing gentlemen-like about you. You use people." Goren spit out. He bent over him speaking quieter as he invaded his space "You're a pariah, preying on the weak cause you dont have the balls to take responsibility and be a man."

"You don't know me."

"No but I know guys like you. Weak, scared, pretending to be something they're not to feel like a big man. Usually, they have a father who was abusive and made them feel inferior so they copy their actions on women to feel strong but there is nothing strong about what you do and no excuse."

"You are wrong. I don't use people. Maybe your father was like that but not mine."

Goren scoffed. "Deflecting. Even now you won't own up to the truth."

"If I'm guilty of anything it's falling in love too easily. If anything, these women are using me."

"Is that right?" Eames says leaning into the table.

"See you understand me. Pretty women like you are my kryptonite. I'm being set up. I'm an easy target."

"I can see that. You are a charming man. Some women like to take advantage of that."

"Exactly. I don't mean anyone any harm."

"What _is _your intention?" Goren interrupted glancing between the two of them.

"To show them a good time and help them get out of their circumstances." Clayton turns towards Eames, "You see many of these women come from bad relationships, jobs that don't appreciate them. I see their potential and their beauty. I help them become happy again."

"Wow. You do all that and I bet they don't even appreciate what you do for them."

"What he does for them. He's a predator. You probably don't care about all the lives you ruined."

"I'm not a predator! I'm their savior and it's not about that. My joy is seeing their joy."

"Savior?" Goren made a sound of annoyance, "You have a god complex."

"Not many men would think like you, some men may get angry that they help out these women and get nothing in return. All you do for them…" She shakes her head as she sits on the table near him leaning in smiling, "I tell you, you're one of a kind." Clayton smiles.

"I don't know about all that."

"No, you are," she continues "Tell me about that last woman, what's her name?" She flipped her hair back, "Avery."

"What's to tell?"

"I guess a gentleman never tells but it would really help us out and get you out of here quicker." she pouts briefly to nudge him.

"Well I can't say I'm not enjoying myself talking to a beautiful woman such as you. I do want to help."

"It would mean a lot to me if you could help us out with this."

"How about you agree to go on a date with me and I'll tell you everything you need to know."

"Knock it off," Goren interrupts "Tell us about Avery!"

"What's your name?" Clayton asks Eames.

"Alexandra." _She's telling him her name and flirting with him. I know she's only engaging him for information but I want to wipe that smug smile off his face. _  
"That's a pretty name. I'll tell you but only because Alexandra here is so nice and I want to help her out. You," he points to Goren, "I don't care for."

Goren rolls his eyes, "Because you can't manipulate me like you do your women."

"Enough Goren." Eames shouts, "He's being helpful." She softens her voice to a flirty girly timber.

"Avery's boyfriend" he emphasized the phrase and his face to look briefly at Goren then back to Eames, "used to hit her."

"Well you would know how to pick 'em. Vulnerable women ready to be molded ...uh shaped to do your bidding."

"I helped her get a house. I got her a job. She should be very thankful to me but what does she do set me up for robbing a bank and murder. I had nothing to do with that. I didn't tell her to do that."

"I'm sure. Stay close by. We may need to talk to you again," Goren informed.

"Oh, I don't plan on going too far, Alexandra and I have unfinished business. Maybe next time we talk, we can leave this guy behind."

"Only if you keep being a good boy and cooperate." She turned and walked out walking to her desk. Goren followed.

"We should look up the last address Avery was. It may give us a clue to where she's been hiding out. If we get her to turn on Clayton, we may actually get somewhere."

"Yeah, that can wait."

"You have something else worth chasing?" She turns back to her computer. She flexes her shoulder muscles stretching them out then began typing searching the address records under Avery Bennette and Clayton Howell. She felt Goren step behind her and heard a husky whisper in her ear "meet me in the bathroom."

She waited a couple minutes then made her way into the bathroom. As soon as she walked in the door, Goren grabbed her and guided her into the furthest empty stall. She gasps and he whispers "Don't make a sound. We have to be quiet." He closes his mouth on hers and kisses her hard. When he stops, both are left breathless trying to regain normal breathing. He wanted her, needed her. He wouldn't verbalize everything with her but somehow she was always in step with him knowing instinctively what he needed from her.

He unzipped his pants and pulled down his pants and underwear to reveal his erection and he maneuvers her to help her pull down her pants and underwear. He lifts her so that he could enter her more effectively. He began thrusting and Eames tried to hold back her moans. At one point Goren put his hand over her mouth and she bit one his fingers teasingly. His breath is uneven with lust. He's thrusting quickly and then he slows his pace. He buries his head into her neck. He grips her hips as he pushes her against him then cups her butt to keep her from falling from against the side wall bathroom stall. His mouth kissed hers, then her neck, and the small area of her exposed collarbone careful not to mark her as he also nibbled her skin.

When he heard the door creak as it opened, he removed himself from Eames to put her down and out of sightline of the new occupant. They try to stay still and quiet for a moment to gauge the threat of being busted. Eames stifled her laughter. Goren sat down and Eames straddled him. She took his face into her hand lacing her fingers with his curls behind his head pulling him close as she found his lips. She kissed him as she began to slowly slide down onto him. A groan escaped Goren's mouth but muffled by her mouth on his, it wasn't clear and distinguishable.

The man zips up and goes to wash his hands. The door opens then closes. With newfound privacy and uncertainty of how long they would have it, Eames quickened her pace. The excitement and knowing they were at work made them finish fast. Eames climbs off of him and they both quickly try to compose themselves and get their clothes back up.

"Work sex" Eames whispers in his ear "what inspired that performance?"

He didn't answer. He stared back with sad puppy dog eyes for a heartbeat. He felt a little vulnerable and that his face was betraying him so he quickly switched to a smirk.

"Claiming what is mine."

"Oh, so you were jealous." She patted his chest and leaned into his space as he finished fastening his belt. She couldn't help but smile at the thought of Goren wanting her so much that he wanted to mark her as his. Of course, she knew that wasn't the whole reason.

He wouldn't come out and say it but Clayton got to him and reminded him of his father. She may not know his whole childhood interactions with his father but she knew he didn't have a great relationship with him. She knew he ran out on Goren's mother and cheated on her. She knew he wasn't a role model of any sort and she knew Bobby had a lot to overcome growing up without a male influence to teach him to be a man. The closest thing he got was Declan and that all went to hell and handbasket. She guessed maybe sex to Goren was initially a means to an end but she also knew he was attempting to connected to the emotional component of sex. She didn't think she was his first in that aspect but she knew that their relationship was important to Goren. To her, that was a scary though because once the affinity of sex wore off, they were left with the ghosts of their collective childhoods. She was damaged too maybe not as much as him but they both had a lot to push through.

"I'm not jealous." Eames shot him a look of disbelief. "Fine. Fuck yes, I was jealous." He snarled in a husky whisper as he sank his fingertips into her hip. "I couldn't touch you like this in Interrogation." He continued to whisper. "He was coming onto you hard and then you played into it which was smart but it made me just a little crazy."

"Mmm you know that was just a show. There's only one guy who can satisfy me."

"Yeah, do I need to fight that guy?" He teased.

"You tell me." She leaned in teasing his lips with her tongue then nibbling on his bottom lip. "So was that it?"

"Well you know I missed you.

"Mmhmm." She smiled softly at him catching his eye for a moment unspoken promises to be there for him passing through her glance. She kissed him again and her kisses trailed from his lips to his neck.

"Stop that before I get worked up again. I don't think we could get away with an encore." He laced his fingers with hers and smiled like a giddy teenager. _Why do I always want her when we are at work? I can't get enough of her._

She kissed his earlobe and whispered, "I approve of this as an outlet for your jealousy rather than how you handled the last time. Feel free to work out your jealousy later too."

"Mmm...good to know." He slaps her on the ass. "C'mon, they are probably looking for us and gossiping again we can't let them find out that some of their rumors are true."

"Come over later."

"Try to keep me away." He smiled as they carefully made their escape from the bathroom.


	14. Chapter 14

**Note: **Not Beta'd, This takes place during untethered. For the most part its directly like it appeared in the show with some of their thoughts thrown in.

* * *

**Outside of One Police Plaza**

Eames was in a mood. She woke up without coffee and had a bunch of missed calls first thing in the morning. She had sent a message to Goren to get her some coffee. They had been taking some time to focus on their own interest and lives which meant they were spending less time together but both felt good about it as it felt like a natural balance. Right about now she wished Goren was over to get her out of this funk although with him it could really go either way. He can simultaneously be the reason for her smile and the headache. When he responded, he seemed chipper which made her roll her eyes. Of course he is.

She quickly sent him a thank you text and got in her car. As she was about to text him that she was on her way, he texted her back with ways she could really thank him. _He is gonna have to do a lot more than coffee for what he is asking._ She chuckled to herself, _a massage for one would tip things into his favor_.

She arrived at the precinct and got out of her car. She threw her messenger bag over her head and shoulder and hurried ahead until she is stopped by a familiar voice calling her name.

"With any luck you don't remember me."

"I know who you are."

"Last time I saw you, I was on the soup line. Not my best moment."

"What about the last time I didn't see you, at your mother's funeral?" She remembered how broken Bobby was and how he tried to get Frank there for his mother and the disappointment on his face yet again when he didn't show up. _He had some nerve coming back around here after that. _

"Yeah. I started using again the day she died. It took me a while to hit bottom, and I don't know, found my way back to church. My higher power was looking out for me."

_Always an excuse. I need to cut through his bullshit. I don't have time for this. _

"How long have you been waiting out here, Frank? About a half hour? Because Bobby goes to work before I do, which means you saw him, and you were waiting for me. Thanks."

She shook her head. Great. I don't want to be a part of any scam Frank's cooked up, especially if it's going to hurt Bobby. She turns to walk away but Frank catches up to her.

"Bobby's written me off." She smiles. _Bobby finally came to his senses. Good. _

"I need his help."

"I can't do that."

"I have a son...He's in trouble. It's a police matter, Bobby can help."

"I'm not getting in the middle." That was going to be her final line. Then, she thought about it. _Dammit. I need to let Bobby decide. If he truly has a nephew and he's in trouble, he'll be even more upset that he didn't have the opportunity to do something to help him. He would torture himself over it. _ "Frank wait."

* * *

**One Police Plaza**

Goren saw Eames arrive and he instantly had a smile on his face until he read hers.

"What's going on?"

"I spoke to Frank." she saw his face change from a pleasant to aggravated, "I know. I know. He ambushed me, I didn't seek him out but Frank says he has a son who needs your help. I figured, I let you decide how you want to deal with it."

"He has a son. Frank's a junkie, Eames. He'll say anything."

"He didn't ask for money"

"Just wait."

"For what it's worth. I don't think he's using. He looked healthy and he took responsibility for his past."

"Well Frank is not in program. He talks program," He stated at his desk as she settled in.

"I am only bringing it to because I know you, Bobby. If you had a nephew out there in trouble. I know you would kick yourself if you didn't try to help. To hell with what Frank wants, what do you want?"

"So wait you say he's downstairs," He got up quickly. Eames nods and Goren nods back seeing the sincerity in her eyes and concern for him.

"I didn't promise him anything." Eames' remark and look in her eyes reminds him that she's allied with him not his brother and whatever happens she would help him through it.

"Bet he thinks you did." She knows it's not a dig at her but frustration at Frank. She understands as she felt that same frustration for him moments ago. She shrugged her shoulders.

"Are you going to talk to him?" She softens her voice. He nods, grabs his jacket and proceeds to go downstairs to meet his brother. She'd give anything to go back in bed and scrap this day.

* * *

**Outside One Police Plaza**

Goren shifted his weight uncomfortably. He bit the inside of his cheek. He held so much anger at his brother whom he once cared for and protected and kept up to appease his mother. It frustrated him to no end that his mother preferred Frank over him. No matter how much Frank screwed up and he succeeded, his mother never saw it and blamed him no doubt. Then, when he found out that he wasn't even William's son, it all made sense why no one wanted him and why everyone was incapable of loving him. His brother, when he was around, which wasn't often, was the one person he could hold onto. Because he knew Frank needed him even though no one else would realize that tidbit of information. He couldn't rely on Frank but as long as Frank needed him, he knew he wouldn't be too far.

Of course thee one time he needed Frank to push his bullshit aside and be there for him and his mother, Frank bailed as always and got high. Eames had to help him pick up the pieces and muster strength to deal with all the decisions and grief of losing his mother that now fell onto him, the responsible one. The son who couldn't run away and escape. The first utterance from his mouth was that he needed his help once again. No apology. No checking in on how he was coping. He didn't know why this surprised him. It was his MO.

"So what you'd do with it, you sell it to get your next fix?"

"Mom's ring, that's what you are upset about." _No that's not what I'm upset about but it's the one tangible thing I can focus on right now. The one way I can unleash my anger that I put aside to help you all the time._

Frank rubbed his face in frustration.

_He has the audacity to be frustrated with me. I was there for mom in her last days where he could disappear and get away from it all. How dare he be frustrated with me!_

"Look, she gave me the ring."

"She'd never give you her engagement ring. She knew you'd sell it" _Maybe she didn't but I knew. She was still in denial hoping you'd do great things. Part of her delusional state_, he thought. _Giving you the ring fits everything I know about mom and it angers me to no end. That ring should have been mine, something to hold onto._

"That's why she gave it to me. Mom knew I needed money. Every time I go to see her, she'd slip me a twenty like I was a teenager."

He couldn't hold back his anger any more. He tried to bite his cheek to hold it back but instead wiped his mouth and unleashed a little.

"Yeah. Every Time? What'd that come out to, like, forty bucks." _Like he was ever there for her. Mom called out for him in her dying days and he couldn't even be there for her funeral._

"You're angry. I deserve it."

_Damn right you do._

"But he doesn't. That's your nephew, Donny. He lived in Pennsylvania with his mom." Frank shows him a picture of Donny.

"This is your son?"

"Yeah."

"He doesn't look like you," Bobby replied with a smirk that he saw through his bullshit.

"No he doesn't. He looks like you."

_Classic manipulation._ Bobby glanced at the picture again. He knew not to trust Frank but he was so desperate for family to hold onto. If this was true, and he was going to verify it, then he knew he would have to help.

"So how come you're just telling me about him now."

"I would have ruined the kid, Bobby. Now that I'm clean, his mom lets me see him."

"Did mom know about Donny?"

"I disappeared before he was born, how was I going to tell mom that?" _Always selfish, thinking about himself, and maintaining that perfect son status in her eyes._

"Do you know what it would have meant to her to-to know that she had a grandson?" He shifted his weight and settled, "Alright. So"

"So?"

"Well he's in trouble. Is it drugs?"

"No. Donny doesn't use. He was riding in a car that had drugs in it and got a year for possession."

"I can't do anything in Pennsylvania."

"No. He was arrested in New York. He's at Tates Corrections. I'm okay with him doing time but the kid called me totally freaked out. He's having nightmares and I don't know what else."

"Voices or visions. If he's bipolar and goes off his meds, that could give him nightmares." This was something Bobby had researched deeply. The idea of having a kid and passing this onto him was something he couldn't bring himself to do.

"Not talking about mom's thing. He's a kid. He's scared. He saw some really bad things in jail. He wants to talk to you about it, himself"

"Me. Did you tell him I was a cop?"

"I'm proud of you, Bobby." Frank placed his hand on his shoulder. Goren shrugs him off and moves his body away from him. Goren stares him down to read him. He doesn't like getting played and refuses to accept his attempts at flattery.

"What's his last name?"

"Carlson."

"So you'll go?"

"I'll look into it."

"Thanks man."

"That's all, alright," He made clear that Frank wasn't going to push past the boundary. He would do this on his terms and if it didn't pan out or anything else he could put an end to it. Goren's curiosity wouldn't allow him to say no. If this was real, he could have a nephew, someone to pass his wisdom to and tell stories and have a real chance at a loving connection with a family member that is once he was out of Jail. _I guess that tracks. Gorens never have an easy go of it do they?_ _He may have the Carlson name but he has Frank's blood in him and no doubt their bad luck, that wasn't fair to the kid._ If he was, in fact, his nephew, he had to help and make up for Frank being the kid's father.

* * *

Goren left Frank and went back to his desk. He found Eames there and she pulled him aside to get another coffee to check in on him.

"How did it go?"

"Typical Frank but I don't think he's lying about having a son."

Her eyes widened a bit, "So, it's true. You may have a nephew out there?

"Yeah."

"How 'bout that. So what did he want your help with?"

"Frank said Donny, that's his name, witnessed something and is scared. I don't know, maybe I can get him transferred or investigate at least to calm his fears."

"So it's a good thing." She smiled and hugged him. "You are a good man, Bobby. He'd be lucky to have you as an uncle."

"Well, I still need to verify everything. I need to know for myself."

"I'm here for you. Anyway I can help you, I will."

"Thank you." They returned to their desks with their coffee ready to dive right in.

Goren looked up Donny's information on the database and made some follow-up calls. "Donny was arrested in Truby, New York, four months ago. Cops found Crystal Meth in the car he was riding in. Got a year and a day in Tates Corrections."

"That's tough what the driver get?"

"Tom Huffaker. He was driving drunk and has possession priors. He got time served." Eames bent over to ruffle through some notes and Goren couldn't help when his eyes drifted to her breasts and then corrected to her eyes. She had nice breasts and he was but a man. Anytime family were involved the day was bound to go to shit, his mind would rather distract himself with something more enjoyable. _Must be a Goren trait. _If he wasn't at work, he would definitely deflect and entertain that part of himself. He licked his lips and let a low, barely audible frustrated grunt escape his mouth.

She put her hand on her hip in a confident strut and replied, "What? He caught a break for turning on Donny." Goren looked back at the screen nodding yes. He push his desire and need for distraction aside and instead directed his attention back to the case. Internally, he cursed his need to be the responsible one in the family.

"When I called the Truby PD, they connected me to the town's supervisor's office. Harry Huffaker." He spit out in disgust.

Eames just groaned, "ugh. So Tom's dad had an in with the judge." She leaned down into his space and covered his fingers with hers briefly for support. He felt a sputter of a spark, electricity flowing through the tips of their fingers. He inhaled and made every attempt to focus himself.

"Some judge. Truby's a village with a part time-justice, Judge Clyde Averton. He's not a lawyer. He's a car dealer."

"Donny got screwed."

"Twice. Last month, he was transferred to the mental observation unit."

"Now we just need to get the Captain on board with us investigating this. It's out of jurisdiction, Bobby, so we need to play nice." She shot him a 'you better behave,' look and he acquiesced to her lead.


	15. Chapter 15

Continuation of untethered story

NOT BETA'D

* * *

**Captain's Office**

"The New York State Village Justice System. Amateur hour. They got mechanics, crossing guards, people with no legal background ruling on cases from their rec rooms."

"That's how Donny ended up in Tates. He's got eight more months to serve," Bobby pleaded.

"In a prison that's what 300 miles outside our jurisdiction."

Eames opens her mouth to buffer and smooth things over but Goren beat her to the punch speaking first, "If he's dirty, he's dirty." She breathed out. "I just feel the arrest is sketchy." Goren glances at Eames before turning back to the Captain. "He's my nephew and I want to help him."

"No. He's your nephew. We'll keep your fingerprints off this starting now. I need a word with your partner." _Here he goes again talking behind my back and putting Eames between us. _Goren makes eye contact and addresses his tendency to speak about him to his partner.

"Shouldn't I stay in here for this?" He glances briefly at Eames as he gets up from his chair, shrugs, and exits the office.

Eames immediately rises and speaks anticipating the Captain's concerns, "I understand you worried about Bobby upstate dealing with Tates, I can be the face person on this."

"No, not you either. There's a crystal meth task force"

"A friend from Vice is on it," Eames follows his lead.

"Good. Have him talk to the ADA and request that Donny be transferred to Rikers as a witness and make sure the trail doesn't lead back here." She nods and grins at the idea of the Captain going along with them and glad that they can do something to help Bobby help his nephew.

Goren meets with Frank briefly in a restaurant to inform him that he is following it through. Frank, with gratitude, presses his mother's ring into his hand covering it with his own, "It's yours." Goren just stares at him realizing _he, at least didn't sell it for drugs. I guess that's something. _After briefly informing him of the plan, Goren leaves and signs in to speak to Donny at Rikers.

**Rikers Island**

* * *

"They told me I was bipolar so they moved me out of Gen Pop to MO. They put me on these meds which I stopped taking 'cause they make me go to the bathroom too much."

"Don't say Gen Pop, it makes you sound like you've been in too long." Donny nods. "So you went off your meds, what happened?"

"I mouthed off to a couple COs. Mom said I had a problem with authority figures."

"Well. My mom said the same thing about me, it doesn't mean you're crazy" Goren's heart swells feeling a kindred spirit to Donny. He puffs up his chest, proud of his nephew.

"I don't know you. You seem like a smart kid. What are you doing selling drugs?"

"I-I-I wasn't. Huffaker goes to Atoona college which is where I do janitorial. Okay. Now, one day he-he comes up to me and says he's going to go Truby and he wants company for the drive up."

"Company. He's on a meth run. He wanted a fall guy."

"Well he got one because that's why I'm here at Rikers right now and he's probably back at class. Don't get me wrong though, I would rather be here than back at Tates."

Goren looks at him knowing he's going to have to break the news that he can't stay at Rikers. "You know that this transfer is temporary. Right, you gotta go back there."

Donny begins begging and pleading, "Please, don't send me back there. Please. Do not send me back there."

"Jail's Jail," Goren proffered.

"Jail, I can take. Okay. Up at Tate's there killing people and they know I know."

**One Police Plaza**

Goren texts Eames that he's back and she meets him outside. He's shifting his body with an excited but nervous energy.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"Good. Donny seems like a smart and nice kid. Frank did something right letting him have a life without him dragging him down. He just got himself in a bad situation but not anything he can't turn around."

"You like him." She smiles.

"I do. He reminds me of me. He has authority issues like me." He smiles.

"That's an odd thing to be proud of, Bobby." She smiles back and nods. "I'm glad you had a chance to talk to him."

"He's scared though, seems paranoid about retaliation over witnessing what he said was a murder. I don't know how true it is but his fear seems very real. He was pleading with me not to send him back."

"You want to help him?"

"I do."

"Well let's go see what we can find to substantiate his claims." Goren follows her back inside the building as they call and search the database to find out any information they can about Tate's and possible deaths that occurred during Donny's stay. Eames pulls out a file that she got sent over. "Tate's did have a death last week in the mental observation unit. Jay Lowry, 21. The report says he died of natural causes." They catch each other's eyes and both arch their eyebrows in disbelief.

"21? Jay have any health problems?"

"Schizophrenia and bad teeth."

"Kid like this, would be an easy target for sadistic COs." Goren's eyes displayed a sadness that Eames read as he was invested. He would see this case through.

"I've just been informed that Donny Carlson is in holding." Eames runs her hand on her face.

"I couldn't evaluate him in Rikers." He looked up calculating a believable lie. "It's noisy. I don't have a lot of time," He laid on thick, hoping to press his luck a little farther for his Captain's understanding.

"He asked for tea." The Captain says automatically handing him a cup of tea to give to Donny. "Here." The Captain looks at Goren with a stern glance that let him know not to push any further but that he'd give him this one.

Goren nodded. "Thanks Captain."

**Holding Cell**

* * *

"Okay, this is what we have."

"That's him! That's the guy. That's the guy they killed. He flooded his cell, then they took him to heaven."

"Okay, Slow yourself down. You're talking Fast. Do you know that?"

"I know. I'm Sorry."

"Okay. Now, they took him to Heaven."

"That's not the Heaven that I'm talking about, okay. There's an isolation unit. It's a room in Tates. Heaven is a room in Tates in the isolation unit."

"And they use restraints there?"

"Yes, they use restraints there. They strap you to a slab until they break you or they kill you, just like lowry."

"And you're sure that they killed him, because the report says that he died of natural causes."

"You called the warden? Now, she's gonna know that I'm telling you about this murder, and then she's gonna kill me."

"We didn't call the warden and you're sounding a little paranoid."

"I think I got a little right to be paranoid, okay? I heard what I heard. If you wanna hear it from the shrink, her name is Dr. Stern. Go ahead and ask her. Just don't send me back there."

"Calm yourself down. Okay. Let's sit down. Sit down and calm yourself." Goren put his arm around him and guides him back into a seated position.

"Dad tells me that your mom just died. Nut job. You think I have what she had."

"No. I don't think that."

Captain Ross addressed Goren, "So the Task Force ADA heard from the warden at Tates who was surprised that they subpoenaed Donny as a witness considering his history of hallucinations."

"Donny says he saw the COs kill an inmate. Now the warden, she's worried about what he knows. She's discrediting him."

"Whatever's going on up there, it's not in our jurisdiction."

"Understood, Captain," he placated knowing full well he wasn't going to let this go.

Goren and Eames tracked down the lead to what they were starting to believe was the murder of Jay Lowry. Goren became determined to verify Donny's story. They had his parents exhume his body and the ME noted cause of death was severe dehydration and pointed out several bruising patterns consistent with restraints. Goren went to share their findings with Donny but realized he was no longer in the holding cell. Eames simultaneously trying to put out fires with the captain who realized that they went against his orders and investigated a case outside of their jurisdiction.

Goren couldn't wait and out of concern for his nephew, he became adamant advocating for his safety.

"Where's Donny?"

"Bobby, I was-" She jumps to try to explain but the Captain asserts his authority and tells him in a matter of fact way. It would have gone a little smoother if he had let her talk to him.

"The ADA couldn't extend his transfer. He went back to Tates this morning."

"You can't send him back there." He glances back at Eames for support, "He's at risk."

She nods an understanding but closes her eyes at the frustration of not being able to do anything. She just knew it was not going to end well. She felt for Goren. He didn't really ask for much in terms of his family maybe some flexibility around the time leading up to his mother's death and here he has his hand out looking for support from the blue and yet again they turn their collective backs on him. She just knew if it was any other person, they would find a way to sort it out, and Goren would be the first one in line to help and lend support, but it was Goren so they just towed the line.

"We did everything we could, Detective."

"'Cause of what he knows."

Eames nods trying to force a plan in motion in her mind to de-escalate the upcoming situation, she knew was coming. She knew Goren's frustration and he would not take it sitting down like most people.

"Then we shouldn't draw attention to him. When this dies down, we'll ask the ADA to speak to the warden."

She licks her lips and then sucks them in forming a thin line keeping her mouth shut knowing there's nothing she could do and the Captain just said the words that would set Goren off. She shakes her head. _Here it comes._

"When this dies down?"

"Bobby-" She pleads hoping to catch him before he made the situation worse.

"Put Donny in Protective custody."

"Bobby-" She calls out again hoping to get him to refocus on her. If she could get him to focus on her, she knew she could calm him down but it was too late. His emotions had already begun escalating.

"That's not good enough! Are you crazy?" Her head just drop and she shakes her head. _Dammit, Bobby._ By now the entire squad has eyes fixed on him and the Captain and the Captain has to get him in line.

"Detective, in my office now." Goren's head sinks down after he realizes he shouldn't have blown up.

She raises her head as he does his and locks eyes communicating _You went too far, Bobby_ and his eyes communicate with her, _Yeah, I know_. He tries to calm himself down. The same thing he's been trying to tell his nephew to do all day. He knows he has to be calm and bring reason if he has any way of getting out of this hole he dug.

"Captain, listen. The warden. Donny says that everything that happens there is under her orders. You send him back there, she'll make sure that Donny never talks to anyone again."

"Sounds a little Paranoid, Detective."

"It does?" He does everything in his power to stay calm. _Here we go again with someone insinuating I'm crazy. I'm not. They just won't listen._

"I know you're worried about your nephew's safety and mental health. I'm worried about yours."

"I'm fine." He exclaims with conviction but couldn't resist the urge to poke him back, "How are you?"

"You've been under a lot of stress." _Code for I'm gonna give you a chance to humble yourself and I'm just going to chalk it up to everything that has been going on._ " I can tell you're not sleeping. I need you to take a weekend's sick leave."

"Uh there's nothing wrong with me."

"One week. Don't come back 'till you've been to Psych services."

"There's nothing wrong with me." Goren mumbled to himself since no one was inclined to believe him and exited the Captain's office into the bullpen to see Eames standing and waiting for him and reads Eames' disappointment on her face and sees her questioning eyes. "I'm on sick leave,"

She nods _Dammit Bobby._

"But then he gives me a rubber gun." He locks up his gun and puts up his hands like _I don't know_. _I guess I'm on my own, _He thinks. He gets ready to leave but walks back up to Eames' desk as an idea formulates in his head.


	16. Chapter 16

**Note: **Continuation of Untethered

Not Beta'd

* * *

_No. Bobby, don't do what you're thinking. _She followed him out the door. "Bobby. Wait."

"Eames, don't try to stop me. They gave me no choice. I have to see this through on my own, for Donny."

"You are already in a lot of trouble. Bobby, please don't make this worse." She walked him to an area away from the cameras and tried to reach out to him to convince him to think first.

"You don't understand."

"No, Bobby. I do. I understand. He's your nephew and you want to do right by him and protect him. I get it! But doing it this way, is not going to make things right."

"And what? I should wait until they retaliate and come after Donny? No, Eames this is what I have to do." He used her last name to remind her they're partners and he needs his partner to follow his lead.

"Please, just think first before you go off on your own." She places her hands on his chest "Going there with no back up, it's dangerous, Bobby."

He reads the concern in her eyes and pulls her in for a hug and kissing her forehead, briefly. "Keep my phone close. I promise to keep you updated. It will be alright, okay. You got my back, right?"

"You know I do."

"Okay. Then, I'll be okay. I trust you."

She realized she's not going to convince him otherwise. He was bullheaded and once he set his mind on something, that was that.

"If this is what you have to do, Bobby, I have your back anyway I can."

The only thing she could do back his play and do everything in her power to keep him safe on her end.

He kissed her and whispered "I love you" in her ear and took off to create his alias.

He found himself going to the Judge's dealership knowing it would put him into the same path to Tate's as Donny. He palmed the brick he purchased from the homeless man. It felt heavy and rough in his hand and he thought about how satisfying it would be to unleash. He cocked his arm back and as hard as he could, aimed for the window display. The glass made a satisfying crunching sound as the brick made its way through shattering it into pieces. The car alarms sounded behind him and he just stood there and waited until the Judge made his report to the authorities. When they arrived, he started his schizophrenic act. He expertly convinced them that he had a break with reality. He's taken to Tates Corrections and questioned until placed in a cell.

Eames was a nervous wreck. She tried to busy herself with paperwork until she got his message that he was embedded in Tates. Of course at the exact moment she got his message, the Captain walked by.

"Is that your partner's cell phone?"

"Uh yeah. He left it. He said he didn't want to be disturbed on his leave."

The Captain was skeptical and knew that Eames would fall on her sword to cover for Goren and that there was probably more to the story. "He tell you where he was going?"

"Just somewhere quiet," She stated convincingly.

He nodded and figured he would let it drop for now.

Her stomach was in knots. Undercover wasn't new territory. Both Eames and Goren were some of the best at doing undercover work. She would always get nervous at first but then the rush would kick in and she'd confidently slide into her role. This time, she wasn't playing a role. She was playing defense for Goren and he was on his own with no team in place and she was beyond terrified at all the ways this could go wrong.

When she was sure that the Captain was gone, she opened the phone and read the message:

_10/27/07 1:05pm Tates Corrections._

She logged it in on a blank sheet of notepad. She knew he was capable and definitely had an intimidating presence and hoped that would keep him safe.

"Hey sis. I'm still on my cruise. I thought I'd see Frank's son but I guess he's in a single room below deck. Okay" He finished before he had the urge to say anything else. He had to focus and he didn't want her to worry any more than she was. So far things were going smoothly. He made all his signals and keeping her informed along the way.

She jotted down, _10/29/07 1: 10 pm Donny ISO_. Then the messages stopped coming. Two days later, she waited for his call but received none. She noted when an hour had passed without contact. Then she resigned herself to mark it as a no call when it had become clear wasn't going to be making contact.

At Tates, Goren acted out to push them to put him into ISO so he could make contact with Donny and check if he was okay. Armed with a wealth of knowledge of how a person with Schizophrenia acted from seeing it play out time and time again with his mother, he convincingly played the resistant patient knowing that would push their hand. What he didn't realize was that they were taking him to Heaven to be restrained. He started to panic a bit, some was for real because he was very much alone and if things played out like they did for Jay Lowry, he could be a dead man. The rest was for show to maintain his cover. He was left alone with his thoughts next to a boiler room radiating heat and no water. He could feel the heat reflecting off the metal slab onto his skin. As time passed, his lips became dry and cracked and he started becoming severely dehydrated. He did his best to keep them wet sliding his tongue across them until his tongue dried up and felt fuzzy and sticky against his lips providing no relief.

All he could hear was the buzzing of the bright florescent light and the clanking of his restraints against the metal slab he was lying on. He needed to keep track of time or at the very least keep his mind active so he wouldn't start losing himself. He knew isolation could break down a person's defenses and mental faculties. Dehydration added to this. He began counting backwards from 10 in between his shouting pleas for water. He would often forget what number he was on and have to start over. His stomach grumbled. His head ached. His skin was dangerously dry and itchy. He felt the restraints digging into his skin raw. He became hysterical and panicky crying out for relief and bargaining with his oppressors.

Eames began to fidget at her desk worried about the next plan of action. No one else knew where he was. She had to decide when to call the operation over. She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. She knew Goren could get himself out of tight situations before and she wanted to gather whatever evidence they needed so it was imperative that she not end the operation too early. But on the other hand, _he could be in serious danger right now and no one knows and no one is coming to rescue him_. Her stomach was sour. She hated this. This was what she was worried about, the reason she implored him to think it through. She so desperately wanted to speak to him, to know he was okay. Days have passed since he was admitted and she knew his propensity for trouble. _Please Bobby. Be safe. _She sent up a couple of silent prayers. Her hands came to her face and she told herself she would not think the worse and she most certainly would not cry.

After five hours passed the time of missed contact, she knew she had to put a stop to it. She stopped Captain Ross at the elevator, "It's about Goren."


	17. Chapter 17

Note: continuation of Untethered

Not Beta'd

* * *

Just like that he knew what his gut told him the day he caught Eames with Goren's cell phone.

"Talk to me on the way down." She informed him of their plan and Goren's missed contact. She spoke quickly and clearly knowing time was of the essence.

"You let your partner go on a rogue mission at a prison's mental unit. Eames, where did your judgment go?" He then closed the office door behind them.

She became enraged, "With all do respect what did you think would happen when you sent Donny back up there?!"

"You mean when I didn't rewrite the entire penal code for one detective trying to stash his nephew?" He spouted bitterly. "Eames, we did everything we could for him."

"Goren saw it differently," She continued shouting having enough of staying quiet and towing the line, "He thought-"

"Eames, be very careful here."

She let out a breath and lowered her voice "-that your hands were tied. So what do we do now? Do we go to the DA, the Chief of D's-" she was emotional. She felt angry and scared. Tears were welling in her eyes but she pushed them back causing her throat to tighten.

"Absolutely not."

She nodded, "Then, I'll head up there myself. I'll drive all night." She walks away heading out the office to start enroute to drive to Goren. She wasn't going to be another person to let Goren down and she was not going to care about politics and procedure when her partner, boyfriend was in danger.

"No," Captain Ross called out stopping her in her tracks. She turns around. "We'll go together."

She got in the car with him. "I'm driving." It was all she could do to maintain composure and control the speed in which they were moving._ I have to get there quickly. I have to rescue Bobby._ Those phrases became her mantra as she willed away any other thought.

Captain Ross convinced her that they should take shifts and she unwillingly agreed despite her will to have control over something, at the moment. Captain Ross kept asking her questions. It annoyed her to no end as right now she was just focusing on what she could do for Goren now and not think about what happened and what could be happening to him. Couldn't we have this conversation once Bobby's safe.

"What did he think he could do up there, was he just trying to get as close to the edge as he could."

_Can we stop the Bobby bashing? He could be in danger and you want to ridicule him and put him down. For once, she wished they'd see him as a person and not some head case and put themselves in his shoes. They would probably do the same thing left with no choice._

"All he was thinking was he had to save Donny," She shook her head in disgust at how quickly he moved to write him off instead of empathizing with him.

When they released him and loaded him into the ambulance, Eames wanted to join him, to comfort him, hold his hand and let him know she was there. She also felt that would reassure her that he would be okay. Instead, she had to follow behind in the car because she had to stay calm and couldn't reveal how truly felt about Goren in front of the Captain.

Damn politics and rules. Eames was frustrated once again about the old buddy boy system but this time in its failure to be there for one of their own in a time of need just because he was little different and did things his own way.

She understood that hands could be tied in the politics of doing this job but she could always find a work around with enough time. She played the game and came out relatively unscathed. She hadn't had the time to figure out how to help Goren and his nephew, though. Goren made sure to fast track, in his way, to disasterize the whole situation. He was panicked and she couldn't calm him down enough to formulate a proper plan instead they jumped into this idea haphazardly. Now, they would be stuck with the repercussions. .

* * *

**Inside Goren's Hospital Room**

They hooked him up to an IV immediately as he was severely dehydrated. Eames made her way to his room and the captain spoke, "We've been driving all night. There's nothing we can do now but wait and let him rest. Why don't you get some rest, too?"

She just shook her head, "No. I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. I may as well just stay here. You go though, I'll let you know when I get an update." He nodded and walked away getting a room at a local hotel nearby.

When she was sure he left, she grabbed Goren's hand and kissed it. "I'm here. You are okay now." She let it drop and scooted a chair closer to him and reassured him. He was disoriented from his time in ISO and Heaven. He was in and out of sleep as his body was stressed and exhausted.

"Eames...Alex," he called out. His throat was scratchy and hoarse. He wasn't sure if he had just imagined her. Maybe it was all in his mind but when she put her hand on his arm, he knew she was really there.

"Yes, it's me. You are in a hospital." She choked her tears refusing to let them out. She felt relief at his safety but pent up emotions from her fear and concern. She was struggling to keep a strong front.

"Lights...Bright" He coughed and settled.

"Okay, Bobby. I'll get them." She flicked the switch, "Is that better."

He just nodded. Several minutes passed and they sat in the dark and she gave him water whenever he asked. She had to remind him to pace himself. He was so desperate to finish it quickly like it would be ripped away from him, like he wouldn't see it again.

"It's okay," he managed to get out. She rose from her chair.

"It's not okay. You have any idea how worried I've been that something may have happened to you? You could have died. What would have happened if you died? Where would that leave me? Oh and the Captain is not happy. You may be in serious trouble. Nevermind what the Chief of D's will say when he has to tell them." She rambled knowing that some of this probably wasn't getting through to him but she was tired of staying quiet and just needed to get her thoughts out. "Bobby. You do that to me again, I swear-" She stopped herself and dropped down to hug him. He winced slightly as his body ached and felt weak but he leaned into her touch grateful she was by his side. "I'm just glad you're safe" she said with tears penetrating her voice.

She touched her lips to his briefly. He was still dehydrated. His lips were dry and rough. She let them touch his softly to avoid causing him any discomfort. He grabbed her hand and she placed her other hand on top scared to let go. She had a new mantra, Bobby is safe and that was all that mattered now. The fallout could wait.


	18. Chapter 18

Wrapping up Untethered.

Not Beta'd

* * *

**Goren's Hospital room**

* * *

The light was bright blinding his eyes and sending a searing pain in his head. He couldn't remember where he was. All he could see was the blinding white light. All he felt were the soreness in his arms and legs from where restraints pdug and tore through his skin leaving deep bruises and scrapes.

It had to be heaven. Suddenly, he was hot and thirsty as fear started to bubble up from inside him. His cracked lips begged for the tiniest bit of moisture. He couldn't even muster the smallest bit of saliva to soothe the irritation. There was redness around the rim of his dry lips. He panicked and almost took out his IV. The attendees tried to calm him and adjusted his IV. He fought them and they held him down. He felt restrained and screamed, "No no no. Too long." He tries to get a grip on time and ground himself. "10-9-8-7-6- 6 -7-6-5-4-3-2…" his eyes darted left and right and he tried to will his head up but they kept pushing him back down. "I'm a cop. Let me go."

"Mr. Goren we are just trying to get the IV still so you can be hydrated. Do you know where you are?"

"Heaven. ...pills I'll take them just let me go?"

"Heaven?"

The attendees and doctor talk among themselves.

"What history do we have for him?"

"He's a transfer out of Tates."

"He may have a mental condition but either way we can't treat him if he keeps fighting us."

"Maybe he's breaking into delusions? Could be psychosis or a schizophrenia delusion."

"He is severely dehydrated. The dehydration could be worsening his condition. Okay. Let's administer a mild sedative to calm him down so he won't detach his IV and we'll access fully after he's got some fluids in. If he continues to fight us then, we may need to restrain him." The doctor continued while gesturing with his forefinger, "You see these marks, they're from previous restraints. I'd really like to keep that as a last resort if we can to give him a chance to recover. Also if we need to restrain him, I think it's best to do that pharmaceutically rather than actual bindings." He gave Goren a last look over. "Who's his medical proxy?"

"It says Alexandra Eames."

"Contact the medical proxy. See if she has any insights that will help us treat him."

Eames had left him at the hospital to get some rest, shower, and some food. She was on her way back when she received a phone call from the hospital. "Yeah, I'm Alexandra Eames. I'm already on my way. Please do not restrain him. I'll make sure he doesn't fight you. He was tortured and denied food and drink for a least 3 days maybe more. He doesn't really have a great idea of timeline in his state and the COs are not cooperating."

She pulled up to the hospital where they were keeping Goren. She was nervous and touching her face. The hospital was eerily quiet during the day not filled with the chaotic chatter and scurrying about that had been last night. She stayed a couple minutes in her car to mentally prepare herself for dealing with what awaited her. The doctors gave her a little idea of what she was to see and she filled in the blanks from what she saw that evening they admitted him. It seemed like he was regressing a bit and possibly suffering from nightmares. She rubbed her face and fixed her hair letting out a big breath. She exited the car and began walking to the hospital entrance.

She stood outside of Goren's room and was greeted by the attendees. "We need your help to get him to calm down. In light of his recent torture and the restraints, we want to avoid restraints physically and chemically as much as possible. We did give him a sedative earlier to help him rest and get some fluids in him."

"No more sedatives. He needs to be lucid."

"Okay we will write in his chart that he is to be given no more sedatives but that also depends on his cooperation."  
"I understand. He will cooperate. Can I see him now?"  
"Yes. He may be a little groggy. That's because of the sedative."  
"Well if you need anything else you know where to find me." She flashed a quick smile and walked into the room. Inside, there were several machines beeping and monitoring his heart rate and blood pressure. He had an IV hooked up to his right arm. He was dressed in a white and blue hospital gown that was just a bit small on his large frame. He had a little more color to his face than when she last saw him but he was still a bit pale and his eyes were glassed over and had dark circles underneath.

"Bobby." She saw him shifting a bit in his hospital bed that was much too small to fit him straight on. His legs were curled up to his stomach to make himself fit. He looked small and vulnerable but his dehydration aged him considerably. Goren the contradiction, always. If she wasn't so scared and concerned for him she might have laughed at the thought but instead she settled calmly by his side trying to gather his attention.

"Alex. I'll save you. She won't hurt you."

She teared up a little. She saw a bit of fear in Bobby as he tried to reach out and grasp her arm. He winced at the pain of the Iv pulling at dry and itchy skin. Even in this state, he was trying to protect her. "Bobby, I'm here. I'm safe. You are safe but you're in a hospital, do you remember?"

"It's Jo!"

"Is he hallucinating?" An attendee inquired as he shined a small flashlight in his eyes. Goren tried to close his already exhausted eyes to shield him from the blinding pain that accompanied it.

"No. He's just tired." Eames ran her hand softly through his hair to comfort and soothe him. He leaned in to the touch feeling more relaxed than he's been in days. "He's had his sleep deprived for many days and I think the hospital is triggering memories of when I was hospitalized. It was the last major hospitalization." She grabbed his hand. "We got her." She caressed his hand with hers.

"I'm sorry," Bobby averted his eyes feeling confused and ashamed of his disorientation. _Oh Bobby look at you._

"Hey Bobby. The doctors need to check you and you have an IV in your arm. Do you feel that. I need you to leave that in and let the doctors do their job. They aren't going to hurt you okay."

"Okay, Alex."

"You can examine him."

"It looks like the IV is helping but you still are very dehydrated so we want to get you back to normal levels. We also need you to be able to urinate before we release you." The doctor examined his arms and legs.

"You'll probably have some muscle or bone weakness due to being restrained for a long period of time. So if you do have to use the bathroom please call a nurse to assist you or we will have to put in a catheter."

He softly replied, "Uh no. I don't want…"

Eames smiled gently in his direction. "Figured you'd might have some objections to that."

The Doctor continued, "There's still a lot of bruising." Goren winced. "Do these hurt when I touch them? We can give you something for the pain and put some ointment to help speed the healing." He let go of his arm and then his leg making note of the patterns of bruising as they appeared deep, purple-blue, and rorschach-like in appearance. "Your blood pressure is still quite high. Let's see if you can get that down on your own before we have to treat you for it. We need you to try to rest and relax. Let the IV and meds do their jobs, okay?"

The doctor turned and Eames walked with him to the door. "His pain medication. Can we make sure no opioids? Nothing too strong?"

"We'll give him motrin for the pain."

"Thank you. Do you need me to sign anything?" She signed the consent to treatment forms and returned to Goren's side sitting in a chair by his bed as he had once done for her.


	19. Chapter 19

Several days later.

Bobby had to meet with the chief of D's since his actions were not only out of jurisdiction but happened within a state prison. He knew from what he heard from all of his Captains, that while they liked his results and solve percentage, they didn't care for how he went about solving the cases. They also didn't like that he didn't abide by the office politics. He mouthed off and did things his own way. That made him a thorn in their side. With that knowledge, he wasn't sure if there would be any pull for him. He only hoped that by telling the truth and exposing the abuses that maybe that would count for something and maybe they would continue where he left off. He was no stranger to black marks in his jacket and countless psych services requests. So that threat didn't bother him.

He walked in the door and took a seat while shortly after Captain ross, chief of detectives, and commissioner followed suit. Eames could only stand outside and wait to see what unfolded. She'd hope they'd give him a break but that was highly unlikely. They had already informed her that both she and the captain would receive black marks in their jackets.

After much deliberation, the door opened and Bobby exited. He was shuffling about in disbelief. His head was looking down at the floor then up at the ceiling. His hands were balled up into fists. Eames met him as soon as she saw him.

"Not now."

"That bad?"

"I'm suspended indefinitely."

"Can they do that?"

"Well, they don't like me and want to teach me a lesson so I'm guessing yes."

"I'm sorry, Bobby."

"Don't."

She was thrown back and caught his eyes from below with her mouth hanging open. "I thought you were going to stop pushing me away, Bobby."

He looked back at the door as they all came flooding out. "Um can we not do this here?" Bobby pleaded. He needed the space and his body was full of defeatist energy that he could not channel here.

They walked to the parking garage where Alex's car was parked. Goren leaned against her car resting his weight on his left arm. He had a crease in his forehead and frown imprinted on his face.

"So, what happens now?"

"I don't know but I think I want to be alone for a bit to process this. You know how I get Eames. I don't want to take it out on you."

"I get it but Bobby, I have your back. They'll realize their mistake as soon as a high profile case comes and they will be begging you to come back."

"Maybe. I don't know Eames. I can't do right by them. They don't do right by me. This cycle can't go on forever."

"You better not be trying to say what I think you are saying. You are my partner. I won't do this with anyone else."

He smiled weakly. "No one else would stand a chance with you. You are a force of your own, Alex. The best cop I know."

"You are talking like it's over. You need to get out of your head. Let this blow over."

He exhaled, the air whistling as it exited his mouth and his eyes turned up. "Does it ever?"

"You realize you have a tendency to catastrophize when a crisis revolves around you."

"Maybe you're right but I don't know."

"I am right and I do know. You need to keep that mind sharp because it is only a matter of time."

"Optimist?" He looked at her with his eyes confused that she suddenly became the person of hope in their duo. "You want to grab a drink?"

"Um yes. I think this day warrants one."

"Only one?"

"It's a starting point."

"Not a cop bar. I don't want to deal with any of this right now."

"Even better."


	20. Chapter 20

**Hipster Bar**

* * *

They shuffled into this tiny hipster hole in the wall bar with absolutely no room. The space was crawling with twenty somethings. Goren felt that his large body was not a commodity at the moment. He was certainly overdressed in his suit. He never felt so out of place in his life and he often felt like an outsider even in his own life. He undid his tie and stuffed it in his suit jacket which was folded on his lap. He undid a couple buttons and rolled up his sleeves a little passed his wrist. "This. Eames. This is the last time you are picking out a bar."

"What? It was new and it seems to be very popular."

"And very not us."

"Exactly. You did say no cop bar." She smiled at him mischievously even though he hated the place he would be more comfortable than at the typical spots they normally frequent which often had a higher cop clientele.

Goren glanced over the menu options and grimaced as Eames almost got toppled by a couple heading toward the bar. She was saved by Goren pulling her to him at the last second. "Hey watch it." He held her close to his side.

"This bar does have one good benefit."

"What?"

"This." She grabbed his chin bringing his head up and looked into his eyes briefly then kissed him. Goren continued it from where she left off. The kiss was passionate but sweetly chaste and tender. Eames pressed her body against his body using his size to shield her from getting trampled. Goren opened his eyes slowly as he reluctantly brought himself back to the present.

"That is a great benefit."

"Say it. I was right." She relaxed her hands against his chest as she spoke.

Goren chuckled softly, "not really typical bar food." He closed the menu and placed it back into its receptacle.

"The easier it will be to get drunk and give a big middle finger to those bastards. What they are doing...its "

"You are going to get plastered, Alex"

She stuck out her tongue. "I'm not that bad. I have you know I have a very high alcohol tolerance."

"You do but everyone has their limit and you have a tendency to drink passed it." She smacked his arm playfully.

"Well, it's more fun that way." She laughed and he smiled back at her.

"So what do you think happened to Donny?" His face was more somber when he brought Donny up.

"Last I heard, he escaped by faking an appendicitis attack."

"What was he thinking?"

"He was probably scared. Seeing you like that probably didn't make him feel safe, you know."

The bartender finally made his way in their direction nodding a what would you have greeting. "Yeah I'll have a Glevilet. And uh she'll have…"

"Vodka martini. Easy on the vermouth."

"We don't have those."

"Well what do you have?"

"IPAs. Dogfish head, Blind pig, Stone IPA, Voodoo Ranger, Brooklyn East IPA"

"Just Great. Just bring me the strongest beer on tap. Uh mixed Drinks?"

"Kombucha, Moscow mule, Charred Pineapple Mojito, Lavender Collins, pickle juice pair, white claw, and Elderflower and Lime Martini"

"Can't you just make the martini and leave that other stuff out?"

"Sorry ma'am. Drinks come as is."

"Well that puts a damper of tips."

"Goren put his hand out. How about that mojito?"

"Fine."

"Can I also get a shot of Jim Beam?"

"Coming right up."

Goren turned to Eames and gave her the funniest look of bewilderment. "Still satisfied with your bar choice?"

She just shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"I wonder where he would go? He's too smart to go back to his mom's. Uh do you think he would reach out to Frank again? He's in serious trouble, Alex."

"Apparently, he takes after his uncle."

"Gorens, we really are a cursed bunch."

Their drinks came. Eames winced in Goren's direction. "Even I got to admit this is bad." She downed it and switched her drink to jim beam. "You gonna be okay?" She placed her hand on his leg for comfort.

"I'm used to getting in trouble. You're right it will probably blow over eventually."

"It still bothers you."

"It's my job. It's what I am good at. Without it what do I have?"

"You'll still have me." He kissed her forehead.

"What a rotten set of circumstance . You went in to help your nephew and now he's missing and you are on suspension. Shit."

Goren drank in her face, the way the light fell onto her cheeks and her eyes lit up when she laughed. He never seen anyone as caring and pretty as her. He got lucky. He would have been sulking and drinking alone but somehow she just got under his skin. He normally would push her away but he needed her now because she grounded him. He felt so lost but being by her side felt like maybe he wasn't as lost as he thought.

"Hey let's go home."

"Okay." She replied as she put on the biggest smile across her face.

"C'mere" Goren pulled her into his arms. He breathed her in, her subtle floral scent not overpowering but enough to make him close the distance. He exhaled. She put her arms around his neck running them up and down. His hair stood on his neck as he took in how good her soft touch felt. He closed his eyes then bent down to catch her lips and placed a few kisses on her neck. "Thank you."

"Mmm for what?"

"Being with me and loving me."

Goren called a cab and brought Eames home. He wavered around the door. Thoughts of work, Tates, and Donny were cascading through his mind. He was exhausted but his body was wired with energy to do something, to fix something. He was about to leave when Eames got his attention.

"You're not staying?" Eames pouted undressing and leaving a trail of garments as she clumsily walked to the bedroom. Goren laughed and she shushed him. "You are too loud," she shouted.

"Yeah, okay. I'm too loud." He followed her into the room removing his clothes along the way.

She passed out shortly after they had sex, sleeping soundly on her side. His mind couldn't settle. He was still angry at the thought of the suspension and now increasingly worried about Donny. He picked up his pants from the floor. They made a clink sound when the belt made contact with the frame of the bed. He carefully put them on to avoid making any more noise and grabbed his undershirt and slipped that on. The rest of the suit could stay there. He just needed to get out.

He kissed Eames' forehead brushing her messy hair from her eyes and cheek. He made his way to the door, grabbed his jacket and sneaked out taking the subway toward Frank's address. _He's gotta know something._


	21. Chapter 21

**Rounding up the end of Untethered. Not Beta'd **

**Frank's Apartment**

* * *

He was angry. He was absolutely flooded with frustration and any attempts to get answers and reduce that were not attained. Of course he didn't think Frank would be helpful. He was an addict and he didn't care about anything over his next fix even his own son. But that wasn't why he was here. He'd hope he could shake some clues loose from Frank to find Donny but mostly he was here to let go some of that aggression he felt. Frank was a deserving target. After all, he got him in this mess.

"I'm a cop, okay? When I call, you answer." Goren shoved him hard into the wall. "Now, where is he? Where is Donny?" His fuse had been lit. _It's all your fault that I'm in this mess_.

"Look, man, I got neighbors. Just take it easy.

"Neighbors! You care about your neighbors right now when your son is out there somewhere." Goren shouted at him at his lack of concern at anyone but himself.

"He called me. He's all right."

"What do you mean? You mean you knew."

"Calm down Jeez, why do you even care? Hes not your son."

"Not my...he's my nephew and he's in a lot of trouble, Frank."

"He's fine. You don't need to worry about him." He tried to push Goren towards the door.

"What's this?" Goren lifted the newspaper to find Frank's drug stash and a junkie's needle. "I thought you said you were clean is this what you are worried about? Being able to shoot up when your son could be anywhere." Goren swiped his hand pushing the drugs and his needle to the ground. Frank crawled down to reclaim them.

In this instance, Goren was everything he hated. He was both of his father's rolled into one and he pushed and hit Frank until he started to feel a little good. Each contact brought a satisfying throbbing to his hands.

Frank was pathetic. He'd inch into Bobby's personal space with some shitty remark to get under his skin then retreat to the corner trying to protect himself from the onslaught of Bobby's fists. "Just take Eames to a motel and get it out of your system."

"What!" He yelled enraged that Frank would cheapen his relationship with Eames to a casual fuck and would compare Bobby to William. He gripped him up hands around his neck then his shirt. He could easily do some real damage but he wasn't his father, Mark. He wanted to unleash but not severely injure him.

Frank used to be stronger in many ways against Bobby. Bobby only had his weight behind his force. Frank had skill. He learned from William. Frank used to have a muscular athletic body type but that had since wasted away as he became thin and wiry. His teeth also began to decay. Despite losing most of his looks, he still had the Goren charm which helped him go from relationship to relationship getting what he needed to get high and get by. He hated himself because he had all the potential and was the one everyone thought would do great things with his life. Truth is he stopped caring about himself and others and his focus was more on slowly killing himself one high at a time, playing Russian Roulette with his life knowing it was only a matter of time before he'd overdose.

"Where is he?!" Another question and another slingback of his fist as he cocked back threatening to punish the wrong answer. Bobby was exhausted he hadn't caught up on sleep since Tates and tonight was another day in which sleep would elude him. His eyes were dark, dry and red and circles surrounded his heavy lids. Honestly, he was surprised he had enough energy to have sex with Eames but even drunk she was able to do most of the work which helped. He still hadn't been eating properly and tonight's drinking didn't help. It only served to amplify the shitty way he felt.

"Why didn't you call me when Donny was arrested? You wanted to save that favor because you knew it was a matter of time when you could call in that favor for yourself"

"What have you for me? Throw me a couple bucks and a coat so you could feel better about yourself. I don't need that and neither does Donny."

"Donny's smart, Frank. He doesn't need you."

"I'm smart! I'm smart! You forget! Everyone in this family forgets! I was the one. "

"You were but now you are just a waste of space." He looked at his hands bruised and red then back up at Frank's face. Why had he fought so hard for a relationship with Frank? He wasn't capable of thinking two steps away from his next high. "Look, we both caught a raw deal, okay? It could have brought us closer together, But this is it. I'm done." He exhaled a puff of air and removed his burden. "I'm done with you. You can't contact me anymore, ever again. You understand? If I hear that you're on the bridge, ready to jump, you know, I'll...I'll listen for the splash."

_Wow, did I really just say that? I mean yeah I'm angry with him but I don't want him dead. Do I? No. I am done, though. He has dragged me down too many times and this time taking my job as a casualty. He doesn't get it and I'm tired of trying to make him understand. With Mom, Donny, Frank, and even Eames to some extent...I'm just so tired. It's all so exhausting. I need some reprieve. It's all too much._

He left Frank's rathole of an apartment with Frank's phone in hand and made his way towards Time Square. He'd hoped he would be able to track him there. Maybe he could get through to Donny before he ended up as another Frank. Yes. Maybe he could get him out of this mess and onto the right track before it all went horribly wrong. With Donny lies hope and a chance to break the cycle. He had to try and since sleep wanted nothing to do with him, he'd use this to keep his mind busy and help him feel whole for a change.


	22. Chapter 22

References Untethered

Not Beta'd

Just a short chapter to help with the quarantine. Stay safe ya'll.

* * *

**Times square**

Goren walked the streets of New York observing the masses weave into each other as they moved towards their destinations. The cars and cabs pushed their way through traffic creating an ambiance sound of beeps and swishes, as they slowly crawled against the toad. Tourists are wandering about with their eyes darting everywhere as neon lights capture their attention, some are lost as others have found their new adventure. Goren is just another New Yorker set on a mission. His mission was to find his nephew no matter the stakes. He visited every arcade at the briefest tip of game sounds. He turned every young boy who resembled Donny in hope's that his mission had reached its conclusion but he met disappointment every time. His phone rang in his pocket.

"Goren."

Old habits die hard as Goren tried in vain to acclimate to life as a civilian, just another man in the crowd.

"Hey."

"Uh Alex."

"Well, you don't sound so happy to hear my voice. Should I be offended?"

"Sorry. I'm in a mood."

"Still no word?"

"No. I hoped he would have reached out by now."

"Still not talking to your brother?"

"Nothing's changed. He hasn't and it's just not worth it."

"I'm the last person to make you and Frank work things out. He's stirred up enough trouble for you but it's not like you to completely cut someone out of your life. You still keep in touch with some of the guys we collared, which I won't pretend to understand. Also Declan and you know how I feel about him. You sure this is what you want?"

"Yeah, I'm done with him. I can't keep trying to help him when he just pisses over it and wastes his life. He wants to kill himself with drugs, good riddance."

"Where are you? I hear traffic behind you."

"Times Square."

"Bobby. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You've been out there every day this week and you aren't sleeping, at least not well."

"He's out there, Alex. Besides it's not like there's anything else I can do."

"Yeah, about that I told the captain I refuse to work cases without you. I'm doing desk duty."

"I'm sure you are going stir crazy."

"That's why I called you. You're my distraction."

"Look, Alex, you don't have to bench yourself, you should be on cases. Don't let this whole thing bring you down too."

"You're my partner. I don't want to work without you."

There was a silent pause as Goren was unsure how to respond. He didn't want Eames to resent him. He knew how much Eames loved being a detective. He was already tarnishing her record. He couldn't help but feel like dead weight anchoring her in place where she should have been lieutenant or Sargent by now.

"Why don't you call Lewis? Maybe you can find a nice project to keep you busy plus you always look sexy with a little bit of grease and sweat underneath a muscle car."

"Alex..is the Captain…?"

"No. He's out for a late lunch with Liz."

"So you have a thing for mechanics now? Should I keep you away from Lewis?"

She smiled into the receiver, "Mmm no just one man in particular."

"So what is it that revs your, uh, engine?" He licked his lips. As he waited on the other end of her call for her response.

"Oh, I don't know. You do look amazing in jeans and a tee."

"So should I put on my working jeans tonight for a bit of tuning up?" His hand was in his pocket and he realized he probably shouldn't have this conversation in public but it was exciting as most people were scurrying about completely unaware. He would be enjoying himself more if he weren't so exhausted. He hadn't had good sleep since he was released from Tate's. He was constantly awakened by thirst, nightmares, and an overactive mind.

She laughed quietly. "Bobby, you would be dead on your feet. Will you promise me you'll get some rest then maybe we can revisit this little role play?"

"Yeah alright. I'll try if my mind let's me."

"Go home. I'll visit soon."

Staying home without a project or something to keep his mind busy was new ground for Goren. He had to do something. He was not meant to be idle but Eames was right, for now he needed to rest and then he can try to figure out how he would keep himself busy. He stripped off his jacket, tossing it towards his couch, walked to his bed and got comfortable. Of course once his body met the bed, his mind was in overdrive thinking about Donny, Tate's, chief of D's, and everything and anything but sleeping. He knew he would not be able to settle on his own so he took a couple ambien with a tall glass of water and returned to his bed waiting for the quiet of his mind.


	23. Chapter 23

Here is some more. Mostly filler but setting up some of the end. I'm planning to end a little after Purgatory. We'll see how much I drag it out because I don't want to be done with them. I love Eames. She shines a bit again here.

Not Beta'd so I'm sure they'll be mistakes.

* * *

She entered his apartment and was surprised to find it absolutely silent, that is until she reached his bedroom and found him sleeping soundly, snoring with each exhale. She smiled. _Finally, he takes my advice._

She ran her hand across his forehead and found it to be clammy and sweaty to touch. She ran her hands through his damp hair and kissed him on his cheek. She didn't want to stir him any further because she knew that he needed all the sleep he could get. She was concerned that he was still having nightmares. He didn't really talk much about what went down in Tate's besides what was on the official record and what she could read between the lines. She knew it had to be traumatizing as she knew a thing about post traumatic nightmares. She didn't wish any more pain for him. He had enough already and she hated that he didn't have work to serve as a distraction. She knew Bobby was torturing himself and hoped that he would at least open up in therapy but knew better. She grabbed a cup of water that she placed on his nightstand. It was a routine he now needed due to nightmare reminders of his dehydration in Tate's.

She stripped comfortably to slip underneath the blankets with him. She placed his head against her chest as he unconsciously curled his body towards her. She enjoyed the feeling of the weight of his body and the sound of him sleeping soundly. She would do anything to get him back to where he belonged, beside her doing what he did best.

After a couple of undisturbed hours, where Eames had fallen asleep alongside him, he stirred out of her grasp. _How long had I been sleeping? He glanced at his watch and clocked about 6 hours. That's actually pretty good._ His clothes stuck to his body with sweat. He hated that feeling. It reminded him of the hot blinding lights and heat from being next to the boiler room. His skin became itchy upon that thought. He marveled at the brain's ability to impart symptoms physically that were created mentally. He grounded himself to reality with a couple deep breaths and stretches. He grabbed the glass of water to his left and downed it. He returned back to her sleeping body and grasped her hand gently to his lips and let it fall, then he stripped out of his clothes.

He stepped into a cold shower. It was a shock to his body that caused him to shiver but despite being cold, he enjoyed the relief and removal of the sweat that coated his skin. He washed his face and allowed the stream of water to bead down over his body as he tried to forget his thoughts of Tate's. He toweled off and wrapped the towel around his waist.

Eames stirred, rubbing her eyes, noticing the empty right side of the bed. She stretched and changed to a seating position.

"Thanks," Goren motioned to the glass of water.

"How are you feeling? I'm glad you finally got some sleep. It looks good on ya."

"Most continuous sleep I've ever had."

"See that's what normal people do while you are up rummaging around the apartment in the wee hours."

He smiled at her, "well I've never been a candidate for normal."

"Clearly," she chuckled.

"What time did you get in?"

"A couple hours ago. It's been the longest day," She groaned and scooted over to his side of the bed. "I'm glad to see you. I missed you." She ran her hand up his side in appreciation. "Your skin's so cold. Did you have another nightmare?"

He didn't answer but she already had it. He avoided her eyes in response to the shame he felt at being helpless.

"You know talking helps. Dr. Olivet was actually pretty helpful for me."

"Agh" he waived her off, "It'll pass. I'm fine."

"And stubborn too."

"You're one to talk."

"Bobby, keeping it inside, isn't helping you. You need to unload it. Do you still struggle with my kidnapping?"

He hated how she read him sometimes and she was stubborn enough to push when she had an idea set in her mind. She was the only one he allowed to push him. He knew she had good intentions. He knew it was out of love and genuine caring. He was pretty good at reading her too.

"All of this compounding on each other it's effecting you. It messes with your mind...your decision making."

"C'mon Eames. There's nothing wrong with my decision making. I made the right call. The only call that could've been made. If you can't see that…"

"If I can't see that, what? Go on, finish your thought."

"I don't want to fight."

"Me neither but you don't get it. It not only effects you. It effects me."

She stood and grabbed the sides of his face. "I don't want that for you. You are still keeping everyone out including me. Some people care about you and worry about you, you know."

"People," Goren scoffed.

"Well, I do. Can you keep that in mind next time?"

"There's no reason to worry, Alex. I'm handling it."

"Not well. If you can't see that, you are a stubborn fool."

"Stubborn I get but fool?"

"Yeah, it amazes me too how smart people can act so foolish."

She pulled him onto the bed and kissed him. "Enough talking. You've gotten some rest so time to put you to work."

"You may have to walk me through it, you know me being a fool and all."

She laughed and kissed him again. "I believe it starts like this." She removed his towel grabbing him. "And I'm pretty sure this is important."

"Ah. It's beginning to come back to me." He kissed her and moved rhythmically on top of her. They were in sync again


	24. Chapter 24

Not Beta'd

Goren rose early. It wasn't unusual for Goren as he was quite the early riser but as a civilian, he didn't feel the motivation lately to be productive but this morning he had to get up and he dreaded it with every stubborn bone in his body.

He picked up a quick breakfast bagel and coffee for Eames and manage to drop it off to her before he headed to his appointment. En route, he tried to mentally prepare himself for the onslaught that was mandatory therapy. It felt tortuous and punitive.

They weren't giving him his job back nor was cooperating signaling a potential return to the field, it simply was a requirement for the "crazy" detective who didn't know how to play ball. He saw no point nor incentive for diving in. _If you think about it, it's all their fault for therapy not being successful._

He shuffled in dead weight pushing himself into a chair that was not comfortable and squeaked as he adjusted his body. The air was stuffy. The shelves were lined with books that had a coating of dust that came with abandonment and disregard. Books were something he normally could resonate with but here he thought it was purely ornamental, almost like an ad in the yellow pages boasting skill, competency, and eagerly trying to impress. There weren't pictures or many personal items. _She was probably a private person_ which then brought in the thought, _why did she think someone else should spill their guts and intimate details while she was allowed to hide behind privacy._

"Hello Robert."

She had once asked what name he preferred Rob, Bob, Bert, Robert, or Bobby. He settled on Robert as it was professional and demonstrated a bit of distance. He didn't want to tell her about how the only person he allowed to call him Bobby outside his family was his partner because that would open up more questions than he cared to answer. Well, Eames and the occasional charming but infuriating psychopath.

There was an unnerving bit of silence where Dr. Olivet mirrored his refusal to talk. He figured she was using that tactic to draw him out and make him fill in the quiet but he could play this game as long as she could stand it as he simply had no desire to talk. He wrung his hands in his lap and occassionally finding a bit of his clothing interesting and running it through or under his hands before landing on holding his head up as boredom took over.

"Robert its been 20 minutes and you haven't spoken a word. I know Noone wants open up to the mandated counselor. A lot of officers and detectives may worry how they would be perceived by superiors or peers. Many worry about appearing weak, or crazy, or unfit to do their job. I understand the stigma and hesitation behind it. But, Robert, you are smart and I believe aware how therapy can help someone."

"Yeah where did you get that, my file?"

"And your reputation-"

"My reputation has been all mapped out for me and I already have the crazy moniker from my superiors and colleagues so you can stop right there with trying to reel me in. I'm not interested in talking."

"That's quite a shame because it appears to me that there will be nothing to lose from talking."

"They can make me come here but they can't make me talk. They want to punish me, that's on them but I don't have to participate in their punishment."

"Why do you think you're being punished?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's all there in my file. You can read, right?" He glanced at the books again covered in dust and thought, _well who knows maybe she doesn't_. "They have me on suspension with no real plan for bringing back and to compound it all they force me to come here with the throw away that I'm crazy. I don't know about you but that sounds like punishment to me."

"It sounds like you have dealt with quite a bit recently and you may hold some resentment and quite a bit of anger at them."

He made a face scrunching his lips and cheek and rolling his eyes like _of course I'm angry. _

"And your mother died recently do you think that factors in here? I imagine with that and everything going on with your job, that could make you feel helpless like you don't have any control."

He looked at the floor suddenly very uncomfortable and he thought about making a mad dash to the door but he couldn't seem to lift himself out of his seat as much as he couldn't bring himself to look into her eyes. He can fool the best of them but it often was difficult for him to hide his shame, his vulnerability no matter how hard he rebelled against it.

"Have you ever felt that before? Helplessness?"

He swallowed and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He thought about Eames and when she was missing. He continued to bow his head downward to avoid making eye contact and closed his eyes, replaying the agony of what he went through unable to help her. He thought of his mother and the inability to do anything but watch her go and hold her hand until they took her away.

"You're angry. Or at least that's what you want the world to see."

Goren made a twitch in his face. _Great you summed me up. I'm angry. I have anger issues. What cop doesn't have an anger issue? It comes with doing this job. If you are not angry, you are in the wrong field. You should be angry when innocent people are misled, hurt, killed, or in danger. You should be angry when a serial killer who is a danger to society gets free. Anger at injustices makes us good detectives because we see the biggest picture and what lies there is unjust. _

"So what do you think I am, besides angry? 'Cause so far I haven't heard anything that holds true or isn't a generalization of half the police force already. Enlighten me."

He was angry but it was more than that. He also couldn't help but become afraid of how much she saw in him despite all the details he held back. _Maybe she was okay but she got dealt the bad hand of me as her patient. I have no urgency of opening my wounds for those to see, apparently I let people see too much already. _

"You see, I believe your anger is a cover. What are you afraid of that someone will see beyond that and see …"

He couldn't tolerate where this line of questioning would lead. He did not want to feel vulnerable and he felt it would only make him worse than help him so he employed his evasive tactics ready to bolt and deflect.

"You know I'm done with this. You think you know me but you..you don't."

"We can work past that anger, Robert but you need to work with me.

"Psh you are not working with me. You work for them. You report to them. They say I'm crazy" Goren makes some faces and gesture to further illustrate his point, "and you, what, prove them right by attempting to gain my trust to then inform on me."

"I'm not the enemy. I can help you."

"Help me? I don't need help. Tell that to the Brass and tell them I want my job back."


	25. Chapter 25

Not beta'd

* * *

She came home submerged in a cloud of misery. Her forehead lines were creased. Her body posture was slumped. She appeared exhausted and the way she squinted her eyes and rubbed her forehead crease, goren knew she was plagued by one of her epic migraines.

"Uh oh. What did you in today?

"The captain thinks he can turn me over to working with a new partner by bombarding with paperwork and busy work. I think any text I see are just transformed into squiggles by this point." She palmed her face briefly and rolled her shoulders back. "We had a lovely conversation about my role as a senior detective and about my responsibilities. He doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how difficult i can be but if he keeps pushing me, he will find out."

"Look out captain. Apparently, he hasn't had much experience with that stubborn streak of yours. C'mere."

She sat in the chair and leaned her neck and head back as he positioned himself behind her. He began kneading her neck and temples in an attempt to sooth her knotted muscles before massaging her shoulders.

"Oh that's nice."

"Did you give you any indication of when I'd be back?"

"No. The chief has an axe to the grind, Bobby. He has really got it in for you."

"Yeah and a major stick up his ass."

Eames let out a light laugh. "It doesn't help that you are always pushing his buttons. You know, you could just pretend to play ball. I know. I know."

"Ah I'm not going to fold because of their egos."

"Men and their egos." She shook her head with a smirk on her face. "How was Dr. Olivet?"

"Psht a waste of time."

"doesn't have to be."

He gave no response.

"You could make use of that time. Let her help you into a new springboard for when you come back."

"When you went to therapy did you talk about me?

"Well I kinda had other things on my mind."

He smiled "yeah, I know but I never came up?"

"Oh yeah I went on and on about this pain in ass, hot man I was fucking that oh yeah happens to be my partner." They both chuckle.

"Not exactly like that...no um like did I come up when you talked about what you went through...it's just we spent a lot of time together during that time and it would make sense."

"What you getting at, Bobby?" She scrunched her eyes confused where this line of conversation was headed. "Are you worried that I may have told her something personal about you or is it more of you want to talk about me but unsure?"

"I don't know."

"No, see with you. You always know what you're thinking. What's going on? Did something come up today?"

"She just said something about helplessness and it got me thinking."

"Not exactly the word I would use to describe you but," she turned her head to look at him,"it makes sense you may feel a loss of control, lately. You have been dealing with a lot which is why I think talking may help."

"We talk."

"Yes but you don't really open up a lot to me either. You hold a lot in. Someone on the outside may be easier to open up to."

"I don't trust her. I trust you."

She smiled. She knew that but it was nice to hear it come out of his mouth accompanied by the sincerity she found in his eyes.

"So did you wanna talk...you know about what happened in tates?"


	26. Chapter 26

Not beta'd

* * *

"So did you wanna talk...you know about what happened in Tates?"

They moved to the couch and eames draped her legs over his. He ran his hand through his hair then at the back of his neck.

"What do you want to know?"

"The nightmares?"

"You have an idea what Jay went through."

"How bad was it?"

"It was bad." She glanced up like she was encouraging more detail. "Let's just say everyone's always obsessed with saying I'm crazy, I got a taste with how it would feel to be treated that way. To be treated like my mother."

Her eyes were empathetic but not pitying. "That had to be difficult."

"Uh,Yeah. It, wa-was."

"Do you dream about her or was it just the experience of it all?" He ran his hands up and down her legs. Anticipating the intimacy of the conversation, she scooted up closer to him but facing her body away from him. He wrapped his arms around her.

"Sometimes, both. She manages to get in here…" He pointed to his head and although she couldn't see his gesture, she knew what he was referring to. "But mostly it's my experience in heaven."

"What exactly happened in there?" She turned to face him trying to communicate that she wasn't being confrontational but concerned and really wanted to be able to do something to help.

"You know, Alex. ... denied food and water, exposed to large amounts of heat until I was severely dehydrated, restrained."

"I know that but something happened to you, something that is still causing you nightmares and that I guess I just want to understand."

"It's not really any specific thing, Alex and its not exactly something I can explain. It just is."

"I just hate seeing you suffer. You've been suffering for a while and I guess I'm beginning to feel a bit helpless."

He ran his hands through her hair. And down her back. "It'll be okay."

He kissed her and she kissed him back groping him through the kiss." She went to kiss his neck and remove his shirt and he stopped her.

"I'm not in the mood."

She looked dejected at first and then replied, "okay." She sat next to him. straighten herself and then laid her head on his shoulder.

Goren didn't talk anymore. He couldn't help but think about it all and he felt so raw and he hated it. He wondered if he should go back to his apartment. Suddenly, he didn't feel like company. But he just sat there with her head against his shoulder and thinking about how much she cared for him. He couldn't help but fear he would let her down one day.


	27. Chapter 27

Not beta'd

* * *

**Dr. Olivet's Office**

* * *

"So Eames speaks highly of you."

"I'm glad she found therapy to be helpful. Really, I'm here to work with you not against you. Despite my contract with the police department, whatever you say here is private. You have my word. The only exceptions as, you may be aware, are if you are a danger to yourself or others."

"Yeah, excuse me if I don't find it reassuring. I don't trust easily."

"That's fair. Why don't we start with something small. You are in control here. What would you like to talk about?"

"I'm assuming nothing is not the answer you are looking for."

"Robert, you are more than welcome to sit here in silence. It doesn't bother me and I would consider it a welcome break but since I'm here, you may as well put me to work. Your choice."

Goren considered staying silent but 50 minutes could be a while and he had Eames on his mind.

"When Eames was here, well I'm sure she told you about what happened and what she went through."

"Well per my client's protection I cannot tell you anything that occurred in our sessions."

"I know. Being here, I just thought of how difficult that must have been. I mean she is strong but after that, she was in rough shape."

"Yes, generally speaking, trauma can impact even the strongest people. No one is immune."

"Yeah."

"Being a partner to someone going through trauma can bring forth its own difficulties, I suppose."

He stayed silent.

"There can be guilt, anger, helplessness." She lengthened that last word drawing it out to circle back to the theme at hand that she brought up in their prior session.

He had skipped a week in stubborn defiance but she guessed his desire to get his job back outweighed his annoyance with therapy. She was actually surprised he returned this week and hoped she could provide encouragement for his insight into his own traumas and impulsivity.

"I see what you're doing."

"I made no attempt at trickery. Simply, I think that taking a look inward can provide answers to internal struggles and underlying motivations."

"Can we let go of the shrink speak?

"Don't you ever wonder why you do the things you do? Why you may gravitate towards certain choices over others?"

"I never gave it much thought, actually."

"Well give it thought, now. What do you come up with?"

"As a profiler, we look at the environment, the familial upbringing, absent parents ...you know stuff like that. They can provide us key factors that may influence a person's driving force and later MOs."

"Patterns and risk factors."

"Essentially, yes." He gesticulated with his hands. "But I've always wondered, is that the whole story? Can we blame it on those factors and take the control away from the perpetrator … I mean at some point they choose their path..they have responsibility over who they become. They can walk away from it, or uh it becomes a fulfilling prophecy...anyway can we ever know for sure what drives those decisions?"

Dr. Olivet smiled at his response at shirking her comments and the avoidance of answering her questions but decided to stick with something he said about choice and responsibility.

"I see what you did there. But, I must say I'm intrigued..you say at some point we must look at choices and take a personal responsibility. I'm paraphrasing but I found that interesting. Does it apply to you?"

"Psssh c'mon on."

"No think about it. We can look at your personal history and examine it but as you say it may not give the whole story. So when you think about the actions you take and look back at your reprimands, do you hold yourself responsible?"

"I feel like this is a trick question...I mean what am I supposed to answer to that?"

"Just give an honest answer….you know how about this, think about it and we will talk about what you come up with next week."

Goren shifted his body and maneuvered himself out the seat and shuffled to the door. He felt like she got a final dig at him at the end. He was frustrated because he much preferred throwing people off balance than being thrown off balanced.

He exited the door and decided yeah he'll think about it...over a drink or two and wound up at his neighborhood bar drinking scotch.

_Everyone wants to put the blame on me. Not once does anyone ever stop to think what if Goren made the right call and we are the ones at fault. No it's easier to ignore it and shift the weight onto me. No matter what I'm always the one at fault. My mother would agree with them. No amount of saves, cases closed, criminal insight would ever put me in the other column as essential and on the right side of it all. _

He played with the glass in front of him swirling the amber liquid creating a cyclone before gulping it down. He felt a pat on the back like that of a pal or comrad but it revealed itself to be a mere acquaintance, "brother" in blue.

"Hey isn't it a little early to be tossing them back?"

"This guy." Another officer added condescendingly

"And you?"

"Not drinking just found a small break to shoot the shit." Goren scrunched his lips and didn't bother asking to join them. He figured he wouldn't be invited anyway but was content with it as he much rather be alone.

"Don't you know the rules don't apply to him?" The second officer added.

"Yeah, talk to me when your numbers are as good as mine maybe then your words will carry weight..huh."

The first officer put his arm around the second officer's shoulder and chest to corale him to the corner booth near the pool table.

The second officer fired back, "good luck ever getting back. It's about time someone put the whacko in his place."

Goren stood and gave his best intimating face as he was about to press his knuckles into a fist.

The first officer interrupted, "it's good. No one needs a bruised face we were just going. Matter fact…" he nodded to the bartender "his next drink on me."

Goren sat down as he motioned a c'mere with his hands and the bartender replaced his glass with a half full glass of scotch. He gulped it down quickly, paid him for his previous drinks, and walked out the bar towards his apartment.

Goren imagined an engulfing smoke around him with the smell of exhaust but heavier than its actual weight. This smog trailed behind and all around him leaving a trail that could be used as a beacon to be tracked or in his current state, a warning, 'avoid this man.' He felt this Negativity smog push him down and he fought to walk against it. This smog grew the more he fought it as almost to say, 'just give in. You aren't going to win.'

He opened his door and his phone rang. It was Eames. He also noted he had a missed call.

He flicked the phone open knowing if he didn't answer, she'd be on his way. He was in no mood for company.

The receiver crackled and then clicked on. "Hello. Bobby, are you there?"

He answered with a deflated, "yeah."

"Everything good?"

"You know...I just feel like being by myself today." His speech was slower than usual and it sounded as if he was speaking with a heavier or thicker tongue. She could tell he had been drinking.

"You know, maybe I should stop by and make some coffee?"

"I said I want to be alone. I can manage to make coffee, not that I need it. I'm not an invalid. I don't need a mother, Just let me be alright."

"Fine. You know what, you got it." She bit off as she clicked the phone shut.

He was sure that he would pay for that later but that was the quickest way to get her off his back.


	28. Chapter 28

Not beta'd and decided to have this next chapter chopped up. We will be in Goren POV for a bit.

* * *

Goren stood over the kitchen sink finishing off some Chinese takeout out of the container before tossing it into the trashcan nearby. He sighed and slumped down onto the floor. _What a fucking mess I am._

He thought of everything colliding all at once. He still felt grief over his mother and he thinks he somehow piled some of it away for later without really realizing. He wanted to be happy. He really tried. He wanted to be the man that was good enough, stable enough, with a fully realized life.

Of course that life never meant kids. He never wanted kids although he liked them well enough and he could identify with them. He never wanted the responsibility of cursing them with the Goren gene. He didn't feel as if he could properly be what they needed. His mother nagged him constantly about it, "Why don't be more like your brother? You are never going to get a wife being a cop. Why would you want to do that? Your brother knows...he is going find a wife, always so handsome. He is gonna have his pick. You are always so hard on him. But you could be more like him."

That was another reason Eames just worked so well. She loved her nephew but she didn't want to be a mom. She was dedicated to her work just like him. She understood him. He was lashing out at her, he knew that but he felt like he was being torn apart from the inside. He didn't know why he was like that, sabotaging his relationship with the one person who cared for him but he didn't understand that as much as he understood rejection.

The Last few moments with his mother were actually nice until he brought up the incident with his biological father. It was odd to him how affectionate and loving she seemed when she made peace with dying. She embraced him and touched his face. He couldn't remember her ever doing that. He loved the touch and her softness. But it ended in pain and violence again and he stood by her side pleading and wishing for one last moment with her. She pushed him away and slapped him and cursed him and then she went.

He held her hand and didn't let go until the nurses came in and took her away. Then, he stayed in the room surrounded by her things in the dark, numb at first then lost. _What happens now? My whole life since I was 7 surrounded her and she was gone_. So gone was the hope for one more good day with his mother.

Grief washed over him again and he felt like a child. He balled up his hands against his face and cried loudly. He cried until he had no more tears left and the sound escaping his mouth was silenced. Then, he was numb again.


	29. Chapter 29

Okay, so I rewrote this twice cause I lost some of it when it didn't save. I was initially going to do this as a separate drabble of Goren and his mother but decided it fit here well and gave us a deeper look of what he was dealing with in the last chapter. I may come back and edit but for now here is is.

Not Beta'd

* * *

He thought of the last time he felt this way.

"Mr. Goren I'm sorry visiting hours...i mean ..it's time," the nurse called out through a slim opening in the doorway. She didn't want to disturb him but they needed the turn the room.

"I know. I just like to stay here a little while."

His face was blank but he was feeling everything all once coursing through his inert body. Internally, he was screaming, smashing everything, falling and crying but externally, he appeared numb. He wasn't though he just couldn't unleash what he was feeling. It was too much and it rendered him paralyzed. [End of flashback]

"Mom why couldn't you see me? Why wasn't I ever good enough? I was yours. I was your son. Did you ever love me or did you just see him: Brady?"

_How do I open up to Alex and let her see me when my own mother couldn't see me?_

He tried over and over again to be there for his family even though he never received any reciprocation. He let Frank in to have the promise of connection in Donny. _Look where that got me. I constantly have to pay the price for them. I gave up my badge, my career and what his kid runs away and he shoots up again. They all let me down eventually and I will do the same. _

_I wish I could just be selfish when it comes to my family, but I can't. _

_Alex is my one chance for happiness. The closer I get to it, the farther I push her away. I know that but I don't know what to do to stop myself. I don't want to hurt her. I keep doing the wrong thing_**. **_Always the wrong thing._

His loss of his mother and his understanding of Brady and the trauma that unfolded with the information of who he actually was was intertwined in his head. Forever, entangled. He couldn't grieve without anger and shame swallowing him whole.

[Flashback]

"Frank told me that you showed him the picture of uncle Mark. I don't think he knows who uncle Mark is?"

He was instantly uncomfortable shifting his body and his hands struggling to find a place to anchor them, scratching his face then covering them. He swallowed hard and his throat seized. _Here it comes. Am I ready for this conversation?_

"Ah who he is? You mean Brady. You're telling me that you know?"

"Yes."

He put it together. If she knew what Brady was capable of, then it happened to her. His suspicions were confirmed. She was raped by Brady. It all fit the story Frank told about him about bruises and the timeline. It fit.

"I want to tell you something. Your father was always away a lot. When he was away, I'd ask Mark to put some shelves up and your father, he got the point."

He couldn't keep focused on what she was telling him because one blaring question shouted in his mind. _Was Brady my biological father? It made sense. She and him had a prior relationship. Frank said Brady gave me signed sports memorabilia. Then, the way he interacted with me in the interrogation. He just knew! He was toying with me but not for the reason Ross thought. No, he knew about my mother and he just had to tear my world upside down. He had put it in my mind that I was like him. His fear of death was his last time to lash out to me and hurt my mother for choosing William. He never got over that rejection and had to make us pay. It has to be? I don't want it to be but only she knew for sure. _

"What about the year before I was born?" He had to know. _Was this monster his father? Was this why he was so broken? Was this why she couldn't love him?_ He needed to know.

"Why is this so important?"

"Cause I need to know" His voice was sharp but there was a pleading underneath that begged her. _Please don't let it be true. _

"You do not."

He noticed the change in her tone. She was getting angry. He was sensitive to her mood shifts. It was necessary. If he could sense a shift, it could save him from a beating and that was something he learned quickly as a child.. If he could manipulate and redirect her, it could sometimes calm her or if she was really bad it may give him enough time to find a hiding spot until it blew over.

"We'll talk about something else." He didn't want to upset her. She had been so good with him these past days. He craved it and the other part of him was terrified where this was going. He didn't want to know the truth. It would wreck him and he knew if he stopped her then it was neither here or there and he could just be in this moment with her. _Okay, that's that. Let me just enjoy the last moments with her._

"I didn't know for sure."

He broke. No. No. His whole body gave and his eyes were red and teary. He felt like he could just fall over at any time. The weight of her words were crushing him.

"Aww mom!" He dismisses as he tries not to think about what that meant for him. He bent down and kissed her forehead, "forget it."

Then, a soft moment when she tried to comfort him. "Bobby, I'm sorry." In those words he could feel everything she was conveying. I'm sorry that he has to be your father. I'm sorry that I couldn't love you the same after the trauma. I'm sorry I blamed you. I'm sorry I punish you and push you away. I'm sorry. Two words he never heard from her until this moment. She loved him and wanted to shield him from this pain but couldn't. Something broke inside when Brady violently attacked and raped her. She lost herself. She lost the mother she wanted to be.

Then in an instant, she turned on him. Pounding on his chest, beating him with the little energy she had left. "I don't understand. Why do we have to talk about him? What is the point? Will you tell me why you always do this?"

_I did this._

His eyes watered and he took her abuse until he was able to grab her hand and settle her. Then, she went and his world was torn apart.


	30. Chapter 30

NOTE: Without work to distract him everything comes to the surface. May be a trigger to some people but tried to keep it from getting to be too much in one chapter. So if you think this will trigger you, please do not read. It mentions rape and involves some self harm.

Maybe he shouldn't have pushed her. He could tell she was deteriorating and pushing her could push her into her delusions…But so much of his life was a lie. He was so angry at her for so long but he wondered if he should have directed his anger at the person, no not person, monster responsible.

_Brady raped my mother. That monster, that absolute piece of garbage, violently raped her and destroyed her mind. _

He wished he could have unleashed on him but by the time he confirmed what he did, he was being put to death.

_Death was too good for him. He should have suffered like he made my mother suffer. _

_Like he made me suffer. Brady knew what he did to my mother and he taunted me. He got off on stringing me along while he asked about my family, knowing that he must be my biological father and that he knew my mother intimately. He was inside our home and interacted with us living with the secret evil he had inside. _

_"Are you close to your family?"'_

_My family! What did that bastard know about family? He destroyed families._

He pictured his mother's black and blue covered body, the tears that streaked across her face as she, no doubt, begged for her life, begged for him to stop, and as she screamed out in pain. He remembered his hands around Brady's neck. He remembered Brady egging him on as he squeezed around his neck. He could have done some damage but that's what that coward wanted. He was not about to give him what he wanted after he hurt so many women, so brutally. Also the thrill he got from life fleeting a person was not a quality he shared, it made him sick. As he crashed onto that interrogation table, he felt like he would vomit any second.

He recalled one of Brady's victims, "_I let him think I'd enjoyed it." Did you do the same thing, Ma?_

By this time he was livid. Every painful emotion screaming for attention.

"Momma!" He wailed from an agonizing pit of his belly. He flailed his arms violently sending everything on his counter to crash and spill all over his floor. That wasn't enough, he had so much more anger coursing through his veins. He slammed his head against the wall banging his hands there but not hard enough to puncture a hole. He felt like he was suffocating. Tears were burning his eyes and he was gasping for air as his hands seized to his heaving chest.

He stumbled to his bathroom, the space suddenly feeling too small and closing in. He turned the spicket of his faucet and reached down to catch a bit of water in his hands to cleanse his face. His hands cupped his face. He closed his eyes as the water splashed onto his face. Then, he opened them as his vision began to refocus but it wasn't his reflection in the mirror. It was Brady's. He balled up his fist and smashed the mirror sending shards of glass onto the floor, into his skin, and clanking into the sink where water encircled the blood dripping from his hands. As they met the water changed to a pink-ish hue.

"Shit." He didn't feel any physical pain. It was like his mind shut it out. His eyes were glazed as he had the urge for numbness emotionally too. He picked out the glass out of his hand in a quick and lazy manner ignoring the pieces too small to grab easily. He rinsed his hand and wrapped a gauze pad around his knuckles and palm. The blood soaked in but with a couple layers, he managed to pause the flow. He grabbed his keys, pressed a cigarette between his lips, and left the apartment in search of alcohol.


	31. Chapter 31

He settled on a wobbly wooden stool by the bartender. The bottom of the floor below him was a sticky mess. His shoes would make a sticky ripping sound similar to a very sticky duct tape ripping off a smooth surface if it weren't for the bar's inhabitants drowning it out. He didn't mind. There was an awful mess at home so he really couldn't complain. At least here, he had access to alcohol, a means to an end: to forget. _If you want constant drinks, be where the bartender can see you_. Goren chose a seat to the left of the bartender's eye line but not directly in front of him that he will try to engage him in conversation. It was dark in the bar and a normal loud buzz of casual conversation created a low ambient hum around him. Conversation, he wanted nothing of it. But, he was grateful for the ambiance of voices rather than the silence that was his home. Maybe just maybe, he could escape his pain. He's been holding onto that shred of hope since he was a child so chances felt slim.

He leaned his body forward, belly pressing against the bar counter just slightly as his eyes went low to high to catch the bartender's eye and motioned to the bartender with his fingers that he wanted a drink. Then, without any word from the bartender, he gave his order unenthusiastically, "Scotch and beer. Uh, whatever's on tap." The bartender showed him a dark bottle of scotch and Goren nodded that it was okay. He made quick work of the scotch and reveled in the feeling of it burning his throat as he swallowed it whole. He drank the beer slowly.

His phone rang in his pocket. He dug around in his coat pocket to retrieve it and glanced at the display. Eames. _How does she do that?_ He shot off a text: Call you later. Goren placed the phone back in his pocket and returned to his drink.

His hand was starting to hurt a bit and while part of him wanted to stop the pain immediately, the other part of him was glad for the pain. It was physical and he was able to deal with it easier than his emotional turmoil plus it served as a distraction. It was hard to think of trauma when your brain was sending an energetic SOS to your nervous system: PAIN PAIN PAIN. His receptors were firing rapidly alerting his attention to the throbbing piercing sting under the bandaged mess.

"Hey, can I smoke in here?"

"Yeah, go ahead. You need a lite?"

Goren placed another cigarette in between his lips and pulled out his lighter as he shook his head briefly. He puffed as he placed his lighter against the tip. It glowed orange as it lit.

"What happened to your hand?" The bartender cast his eyes downward towards his hand, "it doesn't look too good."

Goren just smiled briefly and shook it off dismissively, "you know just one of those days, I guess."

He ordered another beer and glanced away to send the message that he was in no mood to talk.

His mind was stubbornly playing back his interactions with Brady.

_"You're scared of dying."_

_"I've seen a lot of death."_

_I've seen a lot of death too but for you it's about control."_

Goren was satisfied with how quickly he was able to surmise Brady's motivations. He understood Brady's need for control as synced with aggression and arousal like most serial killers. Brady shriveled cowardly when he couldn't control the outcome.

Brady wanted to choose his death not leave it up to state._ A nice little parting gift for the boy. He can see how the apple didn't fall far off the tree. I'll get my son to carry on where I left off. My son, born from the one I could have loved, Bambi._

Goren shook his head as tears welled up inside. Brady filled in the gaps of conversation hoping to get under Goren's skin.

_"The magic was still there, that's what you really want to know."_

He was baiting him. He knew that but couldn't help but play into it. He tried to stuff down all his anger and pain but it boiled on the surface like lava burning him from the inside out.

_"I can't."_ His lip quivered as he slid backwards pushing his chair back with an annoying scratching sound and bolted to his feet. He gripped Brady by the neck, pushed him against the wall, and squeezed tight. Goren liked control too but he wasn't driven by inflicting pain onto others like Brady.

_Go ahead kill me. You can do it. They'll let you do it. You have it in you._

Bobby teared his hands away and slammed them onto the table as the top half of his body fell onto it. He couldn't help the wail that escaped his lips as the tears fell from his swollen tired eyes. He felt bile rising up from his belly.

He closed his eyes softly trying to change the memory like an old view master clicks to change the image displayed. He wasn't sure how much of this he could take but because he was who he was, he could not stop picking apart the details like the sweaty stench of the interrogation room in the prison or the rapid heartbeat thumping in both of their chests. He remembered the similarities of being in the army and in Germany. In any other circumstance he would have beamed with delight of a common bond with a father figure but Brady was not exactly the epitome of role model.

He remembered his assessment of Brady as coming from a broken home with an absent father and being very charming. He could have been talking about himself for all he knew. Charming...he always had a way with the women they liked him. I always thought I picked up that trait from William. Goren was always able to pick up women and manipulate them to fulfill his needs. He didn't like that quality as he hated himself for it afterwards but it was a handy skill for a loner that didn't do well in intimate relationships.

_Could I actually commit to a relationship and give it the old college try?_ He had been trying very hard with Eames. He really cared about her and thought if anyone would get him to put in the effort, it would be her. _God knows why she puts up with me. With my family roots, why would she even bother. I am not worth the effort but she...she is._

He pulled out his phone again and tossed his butt in the ashtray in front of him. He dialed and waited for the dial tone to start. He also motioned for another scotch and beer.

"Hello." Eames' voice was sweet in his ear.

"Hi."

"Is that all you got for me, Bobby."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I just don't get it. Why do you keep doing this? I mean, I know you are hurting but you aren't being fair to me."

"Yeah..uh.."

"You know how I feel about you."

"I do."

"So why do you keep doing this to me?"

"I don't know." He honestly didn't. He didn't want to but he couldn't help but emotionally isolate from her. He knew he was hurting her and he knew she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve him.

"Are you home?" She sounded tired or maybe she was crying. He couldn't tell which but he would found out soon.

"No."

"Where are you?"

"How about I come to you," he didn't want to deal with the shame that would rise up if she saw his place and how he wrecked it. "Actually, can you pick me up?" He tossed back the drinks and waited with a nervous and self-deprecating attitude.


	32. Chapter 32

Normally, Eames wouldn't be the type of woman to pick up a guy from a bar after he had made a deliberate attempt to hurt and shut her out but Goren had a way of softening her when he put in the effort. She had actually thought he would shut her out again but his call meant he was willing to talk or at least attempt to make it up to her. So she threw on some clothes and grabbed her keys and went on her way to him.

She always understood his brilliance lied within his dedication to his work and his need to understand others while simultaneously putting himself and all his pain on the back burner in a box to ignore. Without his work, that Pandora's box split into a million pieces unleashing it all in one go. He would sink, internalize, and be hellbent on destroying himself. He would also become distant. That hurt the most. That's why she made sure that he always had his work and became his advocate when he put his foot in his mouth: A task that she had to do many times.

_"I'd like you to reconsider. You can't ask him to walk away. If I feel he's losing control or his judgment is clouded. I will come to you." She knew what he needed to keep him from completely falling apart. _

"_Okay Eames, he's your partner but take care of yourself. Don't let him pull you down with him." _

A lot of people didn't understand Goren. They assume he's just a burden, a nuisance that needs to be put in his place but not Eames. She saw his gentleness, his soft spots, his empathy, genuine caring, and his dedication for justice. He gave her many opportunities to jump ship and get noticed. _I didn't take this job to get noticed. I make my own decisions and one of them was to stand by Bobby and this partnership. _Of course that came with it's own frustrations. _Bobby can really be a pain in the ass sometimes but he was my pain in the ass and I can handle him._ While he was watching the perp, she watched him for any sign that she needed to reel him back or give him a break. Sometimes, he was too invested at a detriment to his own well-being. She understood this. That was when she would step in and take control.

The subtle hurts were the most painful, when he kept himself away.

"_You're gonna have to trust me."_

_I do trust you but I know you well enough to know that this isn't good for you. You have the capacity of destroying and punishing yourself when you are in pain. But if I push too hard, you'll snap and push me farther away and I know you need me right now. So, I concede. _

_It just really hurts that he doesn't realize. He has my trust and respect in total. No doubt and no question. Yet, he uses that line to basically push up a wall between us. Questions my loyalty, so he can be in pain alone and make choices that are not good for him. When is he going to show his trust in me that I can take anything he throws at me and still be strong for him? He doesn't need to pull away, I'm all in. I have been for a long time now and I will be for as long as he lets me. _

This suspension was getting in his head and he was getting in his own way. She needed to keep him busy and keep him focused on his return but she was starting to see that he was guarding himself and pulling away emotionally even more now. She hated feeling helpless. She reminded herself, _I can handle Bobby_. I will get him back on track.


	33. Chapter 33

"Last One," Goren communicated with the bartender who gave him an eyebrow of concern.

Goren stretches his good hand out and gesticulates that he need not be concerned. "Don't worry. I have a ride." Goren then gave him a small smile and the bartender fetched his drink.

"I hope she takes care of you, you don't look like you are in great shape, buddy."

"Oh she, uh, has had her fair share of rescuing me from myself. She's my partner."

The bartender nods, "She's got quite the job cut out for her. You look like shit, no disrespect."

"None taken." Goren fiddles with his empty glass before the bartender makes an attempt to remove it from his hand .Goren clumsily shifts his weight around and reluctantly surrenders the glass and turns his eyes to inspect his hands.

He checked the bandage and noticed some blood was starting to seep through again. He needed to change the dressing. He bit his lip and tried to come up with what he would say once he saw Eames and once she took notice of his hand.

He felt a buzz in his pocket. "Hello."

"I'm here," she waved at him from outside her car. "How bad of shape are you in?"

He hung up the phone and walked to her car opening the passenger side. She entered and turned to face him. He put out his hand for her to see. There was no use in hiding it since she would see it anyway. He shamefully avoided her eyes at first.

"Dammit Goren, what did you do?"

He brought his eyes up to her and pleaded that it wasn't a big deal. "It's not as bad as it looks."

She gently grabbed his hand and softly brushed the tips of his fingers as she peeked underneath the bandages. She could tell he wrapped it quickly and with his non-dominant hand. "This is a mess. C'mon lets get you home so I can do a proper job at this." She let go of his hand and grabbed the steering wheel.

He sunk in his chair with his head back and his eyes closed.

She periodically glanced at him and could tell that he was drifting into sleep. _He must have not had much sleep, lately_. She noted the smell of alcohol and cigarettes. _Self medicating and numbing. _Her non-driving hand would occasionally brush against his. Contact. She missed it. She needed it. His hand curled slightly to grab onto hers without waking from his clunky bandaging only allowing the top tips of his finger to connect with hers. They held hands but not interlaced.

Several minutes passed and she could hear very audible snoring. She smiled. _What am i going to do with you? _A snoring Goren was actually a peaceful, at ease Goren. It meant the storm had taken a pause and it usually occurred when he was in her presence.

They pulled up to her house. She already knew what would be waiting at his apartment as she called him from his place earlier. She knew it would probably be healthier to have him here where she could watch over him than surrounded by his chaos and self loathing.

She squeezed his thigh and shook him gently. "Hey. We're here."

He stirred and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and bolted up in his seat.

She unlocked the door as Goren trailed behind.

She quickly fetched her first aid supplies. Goren settled into her couch fiddling with his bandages.

"Goren, I love you but if you get blood onto my couch, you will have hell to pay."

"Where do you want me?" It was quite the loaded question as he knew he had some work to do to get back on her good side and innuendo was thrown in under the radar.

"C'mere" she motioned with her finger. She sat him on one of her dining chairs as she laid out some napkins and the first aid supplies into the table. She grabbed his hand a little less gentle than in the car.

"Ow, geez, Eames. I don't think my hand needs to be ripped apart anymore."

She "Maybe you should have thought of that before you went all by Mike Tyson on your apartment."

He glanced upwards, mouth open.

"Uh huh, I saw."

Her eyes caught his. There wasn't anger but shame and sorrow. His eyes reflected a softness, an almost childlike quality of being caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do.

"I do dumb things when I don't have you to stop me."

"Whose fault is that?"

"All mine."

"You got that right." She took her tweezers and worked on getting the tiny shards out so she could disinfect the wound. The metal jammed into the side of his wound as she maneuvered the tweezers to pick at a wedged little shard stubbornly embedded into his skin. The result of his rush job.

"Son of a bitch, that hurts."

"Good, it should hurt." She took his chin and cheek with her other hand to lift his face and softly spoke,"to teach you not to do it again."

As the glass was removed from his hand, blood began to pool again. She wadded up some gauze and put pressure on his hand to stop the bleeding.

"We need to get you stitched up. I'm going to have to take you to a hospital."

"No, this isn't that bad. We don't need a hospital."

"Bobby, this is gonna keep bleeding. Gauze is not enough."

"I know but it's easy enough to stitch up here. We used to do this kind of suture all the time in the Army."

"It's your dominant hand. I saw your sloppy gauze dressing. I doubt your needle work will be much better with your right hand. You sure you don't just want to get a professional to do this for you?"

"I'm not going to do it. You are."

"No. This is definitely not a good idea."

"It's simple."

"Out of all the crazy ideas you've come up with, this one takes the cake."

"I'll walk you through it. You can do it."

"Get me a needle. Not a taper needle. It actually makes a difference. You need to be able to penetrate through the skin. Get some thread and water."

"Bobby, I can't believe you really have me doing this." She fetched the supplies and gave him a look, like where do I get started?

He gave her a small smile. "I'm the one that has to have his hand poked at like a pin cushion. What are you so worried about?"

She returned his smile and waited for his instructions.

"You've already disinfected and cleaned the outside. So just take the water and use it to flush out my wound."

"Okay that was the easy part." He brought her hand close. "Now, I need you to take a breath."

She inhaled. Eames wasn't particularly squeamish given the nature of their job. However, the idea of piercing his skin with a sharp object was not high on her to do list and it made her stomach do a couple flips.

"Hold the needle at a downward angle and begin at the far end of the incision and sew towards yourself."

"I don't hear you screaming about how it hurts now."

"This, I can handle. All that digging around and tearing my flesh was torture but I guess I deserve it." He winced a bit but no audible escaped his mouth.

"You okay? Am I hurting you?"

"You are doing fine. Just make sure you don't make your stitches too tight but you don't want them too loose either cause that won't help."

"Like this?" She was able to execute a perfect starting stitch.

"Yeah, that one is good. Okay, now you have a V shape in your suture, insert the long end of the needle into the V and wrap the long end of thread around the needle and pull the short end to close the stitch." He pointed with his other hand indicating how she should execute the next step. "You want to make sure as you pull the short end that it doesn't bunch up and it lies flat.

"I guess the Army did its job well." She smiled, impressed at yet another thing she didn't know about Goren. They both knew basic first aid basically making sure someone doesn't bleed out before the ambulance came and how to clean out small wounds and such but this wasn't something the PD would focus on.

"They had some useful lessons. So to end the suture, you want to insert back into the V here, and wrap the long end once to the short end and pull it to the opposite side. Make sure the knot finishes square."

"I'm surprised, with all your stories about chasing the local girls, that you actually paid attention." He smiled at her.

"Well, this felt like something I should pay attention to.."

"Given your propensity for doing stupid things."

"Exactly. "

"You want to explain why you hurt yourself like this, Bobby?" She softly touched a bruise appearing on his forehead and grabbed his right hand noting his bruised knuckles where she placed a tender kiss. "You know, I can't have my partner looking like Frankenstein and messing up that handsome face and those beautiful, long fingers of yours."

"Frankenstein's monster."

"What?"

"Frankenstein is the scientist. I think you meant Frankenstein's monster."

Eames rolled her eyes. She grabbed both of his cheeks and kissed him. "See, I need you to point all these things to me. I'm lost without you," she laughed.

"No. You would get by just fine, Alex. It is me who is lost without you."

"I see the sucking up part is starting."

"I mean it."

"I know." She smiled. "So are you going to talk to me or do I have to torture you to get you to open up." She waved the tweezers in front of his face.

"I guess I have some, uh, issues, I'm still working through."

"Yeah, no shit. Care to explain what those issues are that you are currently working through that inspired you to use your fists as a cutting board?"

"Alex, you know know this isn't easy for me."

"Nothing with you is but it is always worth it in the end."

"Brady."

"Yeah, that'll do it."

"Uh Bambi…"

"The one you thought was your mother."

"It was."

"Well you said they dated, right? We can't fault her judgment. She didn't know what a creep he'd turn out to be."

"She did."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying she wasn't in there cause they dated." He paused to look at her eyes to communicate his affect.

"She wasn't? She confirmed this?"

"Not directly but yes she told me the day she died. Look he was angry with her for choosing my dad over him. It's all about control. He didn't have it over her so he had to exert it the way he knew how. Frank got it wrong. She wasn't in an accident. Those bruises were from Brady. He, uh ra-" his voice began breaking and tears returned to his eyes "he raped her. He ruined her. She was never the same. I was right."

"'I'm so sorry, Bobby this was the one time I would have really liked you to be wrong." She pulled him into her arms and rubbed his back. She laid her head gently on top of his from her standing position and then she brought his head up as she looked him in the eyes. _I got you. _She softly kissed his lips.

He felt the alcohol begin to wear off, the pain of his wounds causing him to ache but the gentleness of her lips on his made him feel safe and loved. All of that other stuff didn't matter at the moment. It was like a hit of very addicting drug. It felt wonderful but the dependency scared him to death. He craved it and he wasn't sure how he could survive without it. That thought, made him want to bolt. Being dependent on someone was never a wise choice. Something he learned the hard way.

He stopped the kiss and glanced at her with uncertainty.

* * *

Notes: The stitching scene info was actually adapted from an Army how-to video on sutures


	34. Chapter 34

Updated \\\

He wiped the tears with his good hand. He hated crying in front of others. It made him feel weak. Of course, Eames never gave him any notion that he was.

"Bobby, thanks for sharing that with me. I know you don't like to share about your mother but it means a lot that you would trust me with that." Eames thought about him sharing with her and even though she had to pry a bit before he told her what he was dealing with, sharing this information with her let her know that maybe he was tearing down some of those walls that kept him guarded.

"I can't imagine what you've been going through all this time with your mother and then this. This has to have been tearing you up inside."

"It wasn't easy."

"No, I imagine not."

"Have you told anyone else?" She gently inquired as she knew he didn't easily disseminate personal information to anyone. It took years before she started to get any background on his mother or some antidotes of life growing up. She understood once he started opening up why he kept that information close to chest. She didn't pity him ever but her heart broke for him. It seemed the universe was hellbent of dumping on him once more. It wasn't fair and she was angry for him.

"About what he did to my mom, only you. You are the only one I trust with that information." He spoke with affection and intimacy as he let her know her worth to him. She had become one of the most important people in his life that balanced him and kept him from destroying himself. He relied on her more than he cared about to admit. He felt dependent on her presence yet he played fast and loose about when he let her in and pushed her away and he could tell that she was becoming more than a little fed up about it. If he thought about it more than just upset, but hurt and he never wanted to hurt her but it was so difficult maintaining his vulnerability for too long. It was scary and uncertain and he didn't do well with uncertain.

"Thanks. But Bobby, that's a lot to hold in. You know that. It'll keep catching up with you. You have to find some way to keep it from tearing you up inside, working through it or unleashing safely. This isn't going to hold up as a long term solution."

He nodded but didn't speak. He could understand what she meant as he could almost guarantee that his negative cooping habits would eventually undo his ability to function on a long term basis not to mention the effect it had on his emotional well being but he hadn't figured out any long term plan. He had been just trying to survive.

He had sat back by the dining table and she had joined him. She expected more-more anger, more pain, more lashing out at her but perhaps that was why he pushed her away, so that he could unleash all of that without hurting her and then be able to be at a place to talk about it. She realized she didn't have to push him that hard this time so he had actually been wanting to tell her. She could see his struggle to try and be the person he figured she wanted him to be and the unease it cause him to be open to her. She didn't doubt he trusted her. She knew that with complete certainty but she also knew he had a lot of pain and bad habits that would make their relationship difficult and frustrating at times. She didn't not go into this relationship expecting complete ease and openness from him. She expected a struggle but also hoped that with time things would get easier for him.

"How was it hearing this from her, your mom?"

"Agony," more than agony. It broke every piece of him mentally and still tortured him internally. "Part of me knew already. She just confirmed it but part of me wanted for it to be untrue and just a leap of error."

"She knew you knew. She read you."

"I'm guessing I'm an easy read then."

"No, I wouldn't say that but it's easier when it's someone who loves you," She smiled lovingly. "She did. In her own way, she loved you and maybe being honest to you was her way of showing you that. Of course that doesn't make it easy for either of you." She clasped his hands in hers as she tilted her head like Goren would with a suspect but her maneuver was softer and more intimate as she caught his eyes.

There was a change in his demeanor. She could see him calculating something in his head. With Goren, the smallest thing could be analyzed to shreds or the smallest piece of information could be extracted and then blown up. It didn't take much. Right now, she couldn't figure out what he was thinking but she could tell it was something that was bothering him.

"What?" Eames spoke as she saw the wheels turning reflected in his eyes and felt him pull away mentally.

"Nothing." He folded his hands, rose from his chair, and backed away nervously.

"You know I can tell when you are in your mind. So spill it."

"Alex..."

"Yes."

"Do you ever wonder if we made the right decision?"

"Getting together?"

"Yeah."

"I think it was inevitable."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"You want to know if I think we made a mistake? Do you?"

"I asked you first."

"I thought you said you knew how I felt about you?" She was annoyed but neither raised their voices. They spoke softly and with matter of fact.

He looked up at her, regret in his eyes. He noted that she had been crying earlier when he saw her mouth twitch as she tried to regain composure and stave off tears. Her eyes were slightly puffy but not red.

"I can't be your first choice. Clearly you had other interests. You are beautiful, smart, and caring."

She closed the distance between them.

"I am." She grabbed his hands in hers, "I'm also, very much, in love with you."

He closed his eyes as he took in how her hands on his could render him speechless and simultaneously send his mind spinning in circles. "I-I, uh,..." he began to stammer.

She put her finger to his lips and then removed it and kissed him passionately. Her hand slipped behind his neck as she pulled him closer to him. She broke the kiss leaving him eyes closed and hungry for more affection. "Stop thinking." She grabbed his hand and placed it over her heart, "What do you feel?" She kissed him again. "This. Is. Real."

"But, I can't see how this could be what you want."

"And why is that?"

"I can't help but let you down."

"Not always. Sometimes you surprise me and impress me quite a bit."

"I-Wha-But-." He was stammering again. He could not get it words out. _Why would she be okay with what little I can offer her? How can she be satisfied with the pain I cause her and how I shut her out and devalue her. No one in their right mind would...I want to do the right thing. _

"What can I do to shut that critical voice in your mind?"

Eyes closed, he smiles. "Kiss me again."

She pushes him down on the couch and straddles him in a sitting position on top of him and grabs his hand to place it over her chest and kisses him again. She moans slightly in his mouth and she kisses him some more. She manages to tear herself away and breathlessly asks. "Have I got your attention or are you still listening to that other voice?"

He pulls her down and kisses her mouth.


	35. Chapter 35

Days passed quickly since he was with Eames. He spent more of them alone as Eames was wrapped up in work. He also found he had not been thrilled to hear much about her long work days. They just served to remind him of what he once had and what he might not have again. He had begun losing hope that he would ever return back to work by her side. He had known Ross had been pushing hard for her to work with a new partner. Despite her objections, he would eventually be replaced. It was hard to think of it. Not because he was jealous. He was a little jealous but not in the obvious way. He missed her mind the way she would work through the evidence and work a perp. She was the only one who could keep up with him. He missed the thrill of closing in the cat and mouse games and checking his opponent until there was no way of getting out the room without admitting guilt. He missed his sense of purpose.

Every day he would sink deeper into depression. They would talk on the phone and he would give one word answers or just listen to her ramble until he made up some excuse of being tired and hitting the bed early. She was busier these days and would sometimes want to talk less too. They were drifting apart a little. He would fill the time drinking and sulking. The drinking helped to quiet those voices some. They would keep the rage inside another day. He found himself more and more not having the effort to bother showering or get out of bed.

She knew he was pulling away from her. She couldn't expect the intimacy and openness to last as she knew his patterns when it came to letting people in. He sounded farther away each day. She begged the captain to talk to the chief and try to persuade him of Goren's usefulness, the unique skill that resulted in their success rate. But the chief was adamant about making Goren pay. She guessed he was enjoying the control he had over him and how he wanted to watch Goren beg and plead for his job while realizing he would have to play according to his rules to get it. She shook her head as she knew that wouldn't happen. It was Goren and he was as stubborn as they come. He would find a way around it and get what he wanted while simultaneously throwing it in their faces that they needed him more than he needed them. It was a bluff though. She knew he needed this job more than they needed him and eventually it would become evident to the higher ups too.

Her hours were longer. The work piled on. Ross kept insisting that she realize that she had to take a new partner. They couldn't wait until they brought Goren back because no one knew when that would be. He would even try to entice her by giving her a choice of who she would work with but each day that choice got closer to getting out of her hand. She was miserable. She was being pulled by each end and it was exhausting. She heard the gossip in the halls and in the bay about the pathetic Goren who frequented the bars drinking his days away. Her colleagues actually seemed pleased in his defeat.

She would be moved to give them a piece of her mind occasionally. "Yeah, you weren't saying that when he worked holidays so you could see you kids and that ex-wife of yours. And you, when you were deep in debt and struggling to make do, who gave you some money and had the secretary's organize a collection to get you back on your feet. You criticize him and take pleasure in his punishment and forget how he bailed you out of your cases and personal affairs while also receiving none of your help in return when he needed it. You are pathetic excuses for brothers in blue when you abandon your brother and cast him off to barely make do with no pay, no cases, and no support for months now. Honestly, I do know why he bothers with any of you."

She also noted that they treated her more like a woman than a police officer. The guys would try to pick her up and sweet talk her without respect or the job she did alongside them. She'd come to realize that Goren wouldn't allow it to happen and when he was working, he demanded that they give her the respect she earned. She missed him at home and work. She just was tired, tired of being the only one trying.


	36. Chapter 36

Notes: may edit this some more later but for now I'm okay with it. I'm sure not everyone will like this chapter for varying reasons. Also some mature content and language.

* * *

**Eames' Apartment.**

Days turned into weeks and finally a month had passed without much contact. Eames was starved for affection and emotional closeness. She found herself awake at night and distracted during the day.

She came home from work and was surprised to find Goren in her apartment, on the recliner, sipping on a beer. He was quiet. More than usual. His finger was absent-mindedly playing with the tip of the bottle in between drinks. He was slumped down, legs widely spread and eyes cast down in a trance. He hadn't registered her presence.

He seemed so frustrated and angry lately. He spent lots of time drinking and sulking. She thought he may be giving up._ I miss him and maybe I can get him to focus on something other than what's not going right in the moment. I just want to feel that closeness with him, again._

Eames took his beer and placed it on the coffee table. She kissed him. He was taken by surprise but kissed her back. She inched closer until she was able to lower herself onto his lap. Goren wrapped his arms around her as he kissed her exploring her mouth with his inebriated tongue. His hands felt warm against her skin. Both were enjoying the contact but Eames was desperate for it. She ran her hands on his coarse beard bringing his mouth closer and harder against her. Her hands moved to his pants zipper and undid it. She climbed off of him and knelt down in front of him. She needed him. She took him in her hands and started to suck him with her mouth but nothing was happening. Goren was too in his head. He couldn't focus on her and he most definitely wasn't aroused. "Fuck! Just stop, Alex. What is wrong with you? I can't do this right now!" He was embarrassed he couldn't perform.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Bobby? Clearly, I'm not the one with the problem," she glanced down to where his zipper was undone. She was not going to placate to his ego, convince him it was okay and attempt to make him feel better about it. She knew he wouldn't respond to that. She decided to try another strategy to see if it would help him fix it for himself. She also was fed up with his defeatist attitude and figured she would give him a piece of her mind about it to maybe shake him out of it.

"Do you think about anything else other than sex? I mean all this pressure isn't helping." He tucked himself back into his pants and zipped up. He rose from his chair and raised his hand to gesticulate and then made a dismissive gesture as he turned away from him. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

"You want to talk pressure. I've been working nonstop to try and get you back on the job and need I remind you that I wasn't the one who got you in that situation. You did. I am working around the clock and then dealing with you as I watch you accept defeat. Goren I knew, would be actively trying to get his job back. The Goren I knew, wouldn't give up without a fight."

"There is no way. I thought of every angle I could and it's hopeless so why waste my energy fighting a losing battle."

"So that's it. No, I don't accept that."

"It's not yours to accept or not."

"So, you just lie back and take it? Maybe, if you weren't so busy playing wounded victim, you could get it up," she knew that she was pushing him here and trying to get a rise out of him. Anger was better than resignation. Anger meant he was still willing to fight. She needed him to fight and get out of this funk. "Or do I need to be the chief of D's to get fucked and get some attention around here?"

"Don't…push me." He waves a finger in the air tilting his head and scowling his eyebrows "What! You want me angry, is that what it is? I have plenty of anger".

"Good. Let me see your anger! Maybe I just want to see something other than resignation and self pity."

"I think for what is happening my affect is appropriate. Or am I supposed to use sex and sarcasm to deflect like you? Is that the real response I should take. Be a man, fuck you and ignore what's happening like it makes it magically go away. Life doesn't work like that, Alex."

"Was that supposed to hurt me? Am I supposed to break now and surrender to the all-knowing Goren because if you haven't noticed you don't carry much weight around here, lately."

"C'mon Alex what is this? I don't need this right now. What do you think you're accomplishing here?"

"Trying to snap you out of this pity party you've been wallowing in. I'm tired of watching you give up. Maybe, I can get you to fight for yourself. Cause I tell you, Bobby, this one person Goren army I'm leading is really wearing thin."

What they are doing is fucking bullshit and you know it. Six months no pay, going to a shrink like I'm fucking crazy and they may not even bring me back even then just have me dangling in limbo."

"Oh God, here we go again," she threw her hands in the air in frustration, "I fucking get it. You got a raw deal."

"No! Not just a raw deal, Alex. They wouldn't have done this to anyone else and you know it."

"You don't see your fault in this? Of course not, it's always someone else. You had your part to play in this. I understand you wanted to be there for your nephew but If you weren't always so impulsive maybe they wouldn't have it out for you all the time. You can't play fast and loose with the rules and not expect some push back. Take some fucking responsibility for your actions for once in you life, Bobby."

He stared at her with wounded eyes and downward cast. He opened his mouth but found it hard to say anything against what she had said. _What she said makes sense. I am a fuck up. No… It still isn't right though. Why won't she side with me? Why won't she see that I'm nothing without my job? I'm nothing but a screw up with a shield but the shield made me into something. The shield gave me purpose. I need that._

"Man the fuck up instead of walking around with your tail in between your legs complaining about how you got fucked over!" she pushed him hard against his chest but not hard enough to do any damage, just to shake him out of his thoughts. _Bobby, I swear if you give up. I'm doing my part. Do yours._ "Cmon," she taunted.

"You know what. I really don't need this."

_So you are just going to give in and wallow. C'mon Bobby, You are so much better than that. I get it you are hurting. I've been there for you and every way I could but nothing is helping and you are just getting worse. I miss you. I miss the intimacy. You are pulling away, again. I'm worried soon it would be for good. That just makes me angry._

"Yeah, go ahead, Bobby, walk out again. Go drink and feel sorry for yourself. I didn't realize the brass took your balls when they handed you that suspension"

"You know what, fuck you Alex."

"I may have to since you haven't touched me in months…." She shook her head in frustration and maybe sadness, "You've been so busy with your pity parties that you barely acknowledge my existence." She said that last part softly and filled with emotion. She was going to speak again but Goren began speaking.

"Oh I'm sure there's plenty of men around water cooler just lining up to be with you why don't you go to them if you want a quick fuck and oh even better they still have their jobs so you won't have to coddle them and make them feel better about themselves. Less work for you; just an easy lay." _Just go. I'm no good for you. I can't do this._

"God damn you Bobby. I can't believe you just insinuated that I'm some whore who would open her legs for every Tom, Dick, and Harry at the station?" _Well you are angry but now you are lashing out, trying to hurt me. I'm hurt. I've been hurting. Can't you see that I share your pain on top of mine?_

"I mean look how we started you really want to play that innocent card, Alex." _Why am I doing this? I don't want to hurt her but I am hurting her._

"You asshole." Alex shoved him hard and then shoved him again."_ He wanted me hurt and angry. Consider it, mission accomplished. I'm pissed. He knows how I feel about him or I think he does. Honestly, he's so bullheaded that I think that it short circuits his intelligence, sometimes. Like now, for instance. That he would use our relationship as if it was nothing but sex to hurt me, really makes me wonder why do I try so much and why do I let him do this to me?_

"Oh, I'm the asshole." He scoffed, shaking his head._ I am an asshole. Certifiable Asshole. I'm better off on my own._

"Clearly my judgment must have been off. I must have been out of my mind. It couldn't have been that I liked you. No, apparently I would have given it up for anyone with a pulse and a badge. Thanks Bobby for clearing that up for me. And just so we're clear," Eames invaded his personal space intimidatingly not backing down. Spewing out her words with a venomous sting, "If it was only about having sex. I wouldn't have let you back after the first time." She backed away from him and turned on her feet. _That hurt. I'm wounded._

"Ah shit." He shuffled his feet and looked down to the floor, realizing he crossed the line. He rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "Alex, I don't know what you want from me."_ I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm no good for you. I want to protect you from pain but all I do is wield it like a weapon to push you away._

"You. Don't you get it? I want you." She bit the inside of her gums. Her hands went up in frustration then fell to her waist. "You're pushing me away, Bobby. I try to talk to you and you shut down. I try to support you, you tell me to back off and now this. I deserve better than that and you damn well know it." She brought herself closer to him invading his personal space, "You wanted me to back off, I backed off. What I'm not gonna do is sit back and watch you feel sorry for yourself."

No response.

"I'm done backing off" she pointed her finger sharp against his chest, "Bobby, get your shit together cause you are gonna fuck up something really good. I've seen how happy you can be. You are more than this job, I just wish you would realize that."

She grabs his jacket and slams it into his chest. "Now, you can go."


	37. Chapter 37

Goren dialed Eames number but it went straight to voicemail. "I get it you're still mad at me. I deserve that. Look Alex. I'm sorry. I'm fucking this up. I know that. I'm not good company right now. My head is in such a dark place right now. So, I'm going to take some time and stay at my apartment and let our tempers cool. For what it's worth, I love you and I'm sorry I said what I said. I didn't mean it. I was angry and I wanted to hurt you and it was a shitty thing to say. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that. Okay. Uh...bye."

She listened to the message. She heard his genuine apology. He usually ignored his behavior and tried to move on like nothing happened. Here, he actually acknowledged it. Maybe, he is trying. I egged him on. I know it's partially my fault. I questioned his manhood which was a low blow but I didn't know how else to shake him of this submission to depression. It was stealing him away from me. I need him. Maybe, I do deflect with sex and sarcasm it was easier than admitting how much I'm hurting inside.

She clutched the phone to her chest and prayed that she'd be able to hold back the tears she felt well up inside and shifted into work mode badass Alex compartmentalizing everything within the last couple of months.

At lunch time, she caved and dialed his number but there was no answer. "Bobby. It's Alex. I understand you need to do what you have to do. We both said some things...Bobby, can you just call me when you can." She put her hands over the phone. "I love you."

She spent most of the day frantically looking at her phone willing it to ring. She hated how they left things. They knew each other's sore spots and knew exactly how to push the buttons to enrage the other. Deep down, she knew they both still cared about each other but despite them being fairly candid with each other, they still left so much unsaid. She didn't know what to do to convince him that she wasn't going to hurt him the same way all the important people in his life did. He just had been so let down that he couldn't see that she was more than his stabilizing force but someone that would always be in his corner.

She wanted more. Intimacy. They had started with some real vulnerability but every toe dipped in the honesty and vulnerability well was a football field backwards into safety. There was so much fear in being truly open but neither realized they were too invested in each other to walk away now. They had safety if they acknowledged their real feelings.

"Eames." The captain's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Look, I know you have loyalty to your partner. It's admirable. You are one of my best detectives and the time has come we need you out in the field. And since we don't know when your partner is coming back, I will have to put you with someone."

"I already told you my feelings on that."

"And they are noted but I am your captain and if I need to pull rank I will or we can do this the easy way and you just agree now."

"Temporary. I don't plan on working and breaking someone new. Goren and I already have our chemistry and understand, for the most part, each other's idiosyncrasies. Plus, we all know he is one of your best detectives and if you don't, look at his stats since he switched to major case then look at our stats together. You need him too."

"I have talked to Chief of D's and brought it to his attention. Between me and you, your partner has pissed him off very badly, maybe touched a nerve that needed not be touched. I don't know what bridges have been burn or how. I could take a guess but it seems he's fixed on making an example out of him and our hands are tied. I know neither of you are happy about this. I've always pictured you as the more pragmatic detective and I hope you won't make a bigger mess of this than it already is. Let this blow over."

"For how long?"

"As long as it needs to be. He'll come to his senses, eventually but until then, we make do."

"How is he? I try not to put much stock in rumors…" He was searching her nonverbal for any clues on how far gone, Goren actually was.

She rolled her eyes. "People talk, especially about him, doesn't make it all true."

The captain acquiesced.

"He's not great. This job is important to him. He's good at it. I just wished people would just stand back and let him do it."

"Consequences have to matter too."

"We're past the point of Consequences." It was a verbal nudge basically pushing him to do his job and lead rather than just blindly following orders.

"Let's do our part so when he comes back. We can smooth things over."

She just nodded and clicked her jaw. _The sooner this is over, the better._

When she got home, her apartment was empty and so was her phone's call log. She knew he needed his space and maybe they both did but she wanted him here and the feeling of a united partnership. He was just so mentally far these days and she felt alone. She hadn't felt so alone since Joe's passing. That emptiness of someone's love just out of reach. No physical contact and nothing to do to fix it. She washed her face, changed and slipped under cover with a hot water bottle needing to feel something other than the cold untouched spot he normally occupied.


	38. Chapter 38

**Gorens apartment **

Goren knew he had to make a decision to pull away from her now before he did something to ruin what they had. She was right though, he also needed to get his job back. He reasoned in his head, _once my job is back everything will go back to normal. We won't be fighting all the time. I can escape these thoughts in my head_ and the warped voices of his father and his mother swirling with his own self depreciating torture.

He made an attempt at cleaning his apartment and he managed to clean the glass and some debris but ultimately, gave up as his will to be productive was losing to his depression and its sinking force. He rubbed his chin and felt the course whiskers that were long and itchy and contemplated shaving but he felt the look would keep people away as he looked slightly more intimidating with the over growth. He opened his fridge and remembered he didn't ever get around to buying more alcohol. He leaned against it taking in the chill it released cooling his face and making it feel more tolerable.

His phone clicked a voicemail and saw it was from Eames. _Who else would it be these days He? No one else is taking my calls or returning them._ He asked himself, _Why? Why did she care and why she put up with his shit? She was way out of his league in every way. She could be wined and dined by the best yet she takes on my baggage._ He then gave in, he would go to the bar because numbing made more sense then dealing with emotional sores.

He ordered his drink and pressed the phone to his ear. It was loud around him but he could still make out her voice. When she said I love you, he closed his eyes. It pained him to hear the choke in her voice as she tried to maintain composure.

"Uh...Keep them coming." The condensation cascaded down the glass cool yet appearing warm by the orange glow of the dim lights. His body was slumped over the bartop as he slowly finished his drink then quickly downed then next.

A bustle of new patrons made their way through the narrow doorway. They were teasing and carrying on. He glanced in that direction as a knee-jerk reaction the the sudden burst of sound and once he id-ed them as cops turned his head. He wanted nothing to do with traitor brothers in blue that had no interest helping him. He wasn't angry, no not angry enough to pick a fight. He was calm and distant, defeated and emotionally spent. Yet, he managed to hear a familiar voice shout in his direction.

"What is he doing here? The nerve of him showing his face around here, today. You got some nerve!"

"It's my neighborhood bar. I don't want any trouble"

"See this? This a 1013 Benefit, for me. I wouldn't have needed if it weren't for you. You cheated me out of my retirement. That's all you have to say. I had one year to go." He angrily pushes Goren against the wall. Goren can always depend on his size and force to get him through and decided he would push back. _If he wanted a fight, fine I'll muster a fight. _

A thin man with more mouth than brawn jumps up quickly to his defense.

"What are you stupid?" He says to the angry officer.

Goren rubs his forehead with his right hand wondering to whom he suddenly gained as an ally and what their angle was? Everyone had an angle."

"Rat!" he hears spit in his direction. "Nothing but a goddamn rat."

Goren sits back at the bar nursing his drink. He just wants to sit undisturbed and drink he's problems away. But it appeared he would not get peace tonight.

"I know you didn't need my help back there."

"Do I know you?" he responded unamused and frustrated.

"Mike Stoat. Brooklyn North Narcotics 'cause of you. I was a rookie when you worked Narcotics. What was it? 27 arrests, 27 convictions, all heavy hitters."

Goren returned to his drink. _Those days are in the past. I don't much feel like going through memory lane, right now. _"You have a good memory."

"I also remember you weren't too popular. Guess some things never change, huh?" Goren stared back at him with annoyance. "I'm on suspension. They had me pee in a cup and it came back positive. I was undercover. I had to do a bump of coke so I wouldn't get made but you know how the department is."

"With or Without pay?" Stoat had his attention now.

"6 months without, just like you." He turned his head and thought about it. _This was all a big play to get my attention. _"Wait a minute, so this just now was a set up?"

"No. Look I don't know that guy from Adam but I am looking for you. You and me, can help each other, you know. I make more money on suspension than I ever did on the job."

_Well that sounds too good to be true. _"This is legit?"

"Yeah. Security work. Hey, I'll do right by you."

Goren stared out in front of him. He wasn't sure what to believe but his instincts told him this was trouble.

Stoat slid him his card, "I gotta go. You call me if you are interested."

Goren nodded. "You forgot your paper."

"Keep it."

Goren examined the newspaper noting it had a gun tucked inside. He lifted the top part of the folded newspaper and then covered it quickly sliding it to himself. _What am I getting myself into?_


End file.
